I have had a troubling relationship with my oldest child and one day we were in a real row were I had decided I would treat her the way she was treating me. So about an hour into our spat we were swinging through Home Depot to pick something up when my stomach erupted. Fortunately we were IN the bathroom bc my son had wanted to go. I had no bag or cap on; only clothes with a bella band as the only extra layer saving me now!
As soon as I felt it happening I went back into the stall and stripped from the waist down. My kids handed me paper under the walls of the stall, including my oldest with whom I had only moments before been exchanging cross words with. She was the second fastest of the three to be right there offering help to me.
I got my bella band off, wrapped in plastic and discarded in the trash (even wrapped in plastic I just wasn't putting that in my purse, lol) and my clothes back on after wiping my stomach off. Then I went to the sink and lightly soap and watered the area and washed my hands up. I was so relieved nothing got on my clothes other than the bella band and nothing got the bathroom dirty either.
I noticed though and this is my point: my oldest and I were seriously at odds that day but when I needed help she was as fast or faster than anyone else to have her hand with a solution for me held out. (Waiting patiently, containing the youngest child if necessary and handing me paper towels or toilet tissue under the stall walls) I learned that day my children only care about our successful movement through the community; they are fine if we have to stop to sort me out in the process. That is actually very heartwarming as a mom that has felt like no one has really cared about taking care of ME in turn. That's irrefutable evidence that without hesitation or thought to complain my kids have it in them to care for others, including their mom.
And by the way, I thanked my oldest for helping me even in the middle of a fight and then informed here that that didn't mean we were done. By the end of the day she'd got the message loud and clear and now all I have to do is repeat something she said in the same tone she said it in and she re-states it in a more social tone, understanding immediately that she'd disrespecting HER backup and that isn't going to be tolerated anymore.
I'm so proud of my kids, of who they are. And I wear a cap now every where I go, I'm done risking going bare!