I have many of the same concerns....i have had my ostomy for a month now, and am still wearing sweatpants that can lie under my waist line and big bulky shirts. My stoma is right on my waist line and i can not imagine putting jeans right over it would be very comfortable! Also, i have an ileostomy with a lot of output, so i am wearing a high output pouch that is much longer than other pouches and hangs down even out of the big bulky t-shirts. I also have to empty several times a day! I have had trouble making myself go out in public due to all of this....i feel like i look like a bum and i am so afraid i am going to spring a leak! However, i will say that i am comfortable, and to me that is more important. As far as swimming goes....i don't see myself putting on a bathing suit and going swimming with this ever...it seems like it would be impossible to cover it up!
So it is my hope for you both that you will give yourselves time to adjust and learn your own systems so you can start having positive experiences around whoever you choose, wherever and whenever you choose. I have had that time and can honestly say that I forget the ostomy is even there most of the time unless I need to check it or change it. I hope you can find that kind of acceptance in your own time.
Carry on Hiking.
What did you do before your Ileo when you needed the toilet ?
Just empty in a place where you cant be seen & cover it over.
Animals do it allover in the wild.
As long as you are comfy, wear what you want.
Life gets better, particularly if you had a long period of illness.