Cat I am not trained in the mental field, but I personally have a permanent attachment so I know all the bad things that can happen. I honestly feel since I am been graced with having a lovely wife and two boys for the last thirty years that my wife saw me when I had to deal with my illness that caused the problems that the attachment is a lot easier on both or us. I did take psychology and psychiatry classes in college, but I leave all that to a friend who has a doctorate in both
I know that you know about the wraps, but I can honestly say since I hate the attachment I think I am more apt to be more sensitive about it then my wife. My sex life because of the damage the surgery caused to my nerves has made it impossible for me to get an errection without drugs which that itself takes away from the excitement for my wife since even though she excites me it doesn't show unless I take the drugs. Now taking it one step further I have MS which made it so the little blue pill wouldn't work so I have to use a shot to get an errection which really makes it harder to make things more natural.
I love my wife, but knowing how bad things were before my colostomy I think you are extremely lucky that you can get a reversal. Wraps work great and the chances of your bag falling off is very unlikely, but conquering that mental block I feel is something you have to deal with yourself. I am sure your wife doesn't like seeing it there, but if you can make things more appealing yourself I am sure you can get where you want to be in your relationship.
I know its difficult, but If you can act like the attachment isn't there then you can convince your wife things haven 't changed. I know you will get the reversal soon, but if I were you I would honestly go to someone in one of the mental fields I mentioned above since I am sure they could help you do things to keep your marriage together.
I am a little crazy since I can somehow find the funnier ways of things that happen to me even when My MS makes things even harder to deal with things. I am alive, and even though I cannot do the things I could when I was younger I just don't let things tear me apart mentally which I know sounds crazy