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Welcome to MeetAnOstoMate
16,890 Members
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Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 8:38 am
Hi. Just wanted to ask people is it really possible to date when you have a bag? From things I have read on this
site the answer is no. People say its either to hard to tell people about the bag or they run for the hills once they find out. Dont get the wrong idea. I myself cannot think of dating again. I am having a hard time dealing with my own bag. But I wonder what other people think.
Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 1:58 pm
                                 
pammer wrote:
Hi. Just wanted to ask people is it really possible to date when you have a bag? . . . I myself cannot think of dating again . . .


Hi pammer ~ some words have so much associated with them that it's sometimes better not to use them. For me "dating" is one of those words. I have female friends that I do diverse things with but I would never call it dating even though it may look like that to someone else. Some of my female friends are intrigued by my ostomy and have asked to see it, while others get squeamish if I even mention it and will assertively say "Don't talk about that!"
Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 3:41 pm
                                 
three wrote:


I have female friends that I do diverse things with"


errrr, is that a typo three?? shouldnt that read "I have female friends i do perverse things with" ........
Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 7:57 pm
I am really surprised at how many people say would love to talk to anyone, well I have wrote to people tried to make conversation, and not one reply, Sorry that's not true one person wrote back, I am very disappointed in this Ostomate group. I signed up to talk with people, but I guess I was wrong. Have a great day.
Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 8:30 pm
Hi. I am new to this site as its been 18 days since my surgery. Im sorry you are feeling the way you do. But please give it another chance. People I have met in the general chat room have been great. Tips and support.  Try the chat room.
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 12:44 am
                                 
mild_mannered_super_hero wrote:
                                 
three wrote:


I have female friends that I do diverse things with"


errrr, is that a typo three?? shouldnt that read "I have female friends i do perverse things with" ........


Now that comment made me laugh mmsh, yes it did — that's the power of one consonant and one vowel.
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:22 am
Hi liberty238. how are you today? I hope that all is well with you. I understand how you feel. I have tried also to correspond with people and to my surprise no response. I don't know if it is because most people are free members or if they just don't like to meet someone. I read all the time that people are interested on speaking with someone about the ostomate world or just looking for friends/ relationships. I have been looking for a possible companion for a while with no luck! Oh well that is a different story. If you would like to talk just write me and I will write you back. I am a free member so I can not initiate the first contact. I am planning to become a member soon though. Trying to catch up on some bills first. Take care, Chris
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:42 am
Hi pammer hope all is well with you. I can say that it is possible to date with an ostomy even though it might be a while to find someone who is excepting of it. I have a feeling that was one thing that could have been an issue in my past marriage. I was married for 24 years and it took a toll on it and I really can't blame her for feeling that way. I have to look at the overall picture. We have a tendency to think about how we feel instead of thinking about how someone else may feel about it! Sure having a bag does put a damper on things and we are at a disadvantage but it is not the end of the world. Smile.. I have found that I have female friends but none who would like to be with me. My sex life has taken a dive for now but I am sure that I will find someone eventually. I look all the time on this site. As for dealing with it I am sure everyone has a difficult time at some point. I know that I struggle with it from time to time... We have to keep a positive attitude no matter how tough things are going. It really does test ones strength, but you have to keep going the best way that you can!!! If you need someone to talk to I will be more than happy to correspond with you. You have to write me first though ok. Take care, Chris
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 4:47 pm
It's very sad that some people can be so shallow. But there are people out there who are extremely understanding and aren't put off by anything... You've just got to weedle them out and work out the ones that you have time for. Frankly, if you having a stoma makes them walk away then you are better off without them.

My boyfriend had an advantage in that we'd been together for 2.5 years before he got his ileostomy. For me, it was never an issue; it was only when my boyfriend came round from his operation that I was a bit scared of looking at his stoma, but I soon got over that and it's part of my life as well as his.

I do understand that dating must be daunting, but I'd say that if you meet someone you like and you feel comfortable enough to tell them, then you might have to give them some time to assimilate the information you've given them. I'd hope that most people wouldn't be put off if they care for you enough, but as I said previously, anyone who has an issue is not worth worrying about!
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 6:50 pm
It's too bad that people choose not to respond. But rather than being shallow it may well be that they are very unsure, and uncertain as to how to respond not everyone has to gift the of the gab. And some people may be afraid to put foot in mouth.
In any case when sent an e-mail it is only appropriate to respond. If nothing else acknowledge the message and one can always state that right now is not a good time, this at least provides the sender with some acknowledgement.
I think I have always responded unless of course the sender has blocked me.

Ed
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:29 pm
                                 
Anoniem18 wrote:
But rather than being shallow it may well be that they are very unsure, and uncertain as to how to respond not everyone has to gift the of the gab.

And some people may be afraid to put foot in mouth.


Ed


i belive this is closer to the truth, most people given a chance will respond, however there is always, on any public forum, a certian percentage that choose to remain silent and just content themselves reading about other people putting their feet in their mouths.

a classic example is the general chat on here, while its always available to everyone, the "regular" chatters comprise a very small{perhaps 10%} percent of the general membership.
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:51 pm
Just to clarify, I was responding to Pammer's original post about dating in general. I wouldn't call anyone on this site shallow; surely we're all here for a reason... To help each other!

The people I refer to as "shallow" are those that date someone, like them, and then walk away and are never heard from again once they find out that their date might have to do things a bit differently. Not cool!
Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 10:05 pm
Hi rach1987. I totally agree with everything that you said!!! Like I mentioned in my reply for some people it might take some time to get used to if they do at all. If you like someone and the other person is into you and they find out you have a bag then walk away that's just wrong. You are still the same person you were when they didn't know you had one. I can't stand shallowness!! To me if they walk away after they find out then you are better off without them! As ostomates we have enough to worry about and we don't need the added pressure of rejection..
Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 2:17 am
As they say women are from venus men are from mars.
This is reflected in the way we communicate. Men tend to be more direct and the way they write will indicate whether or not a response is indicated, whereas a woman tends to be more circumspect, and while a response would be expected, the communication may not indicate that this is so.
OK other foot in mouth.
Maybe instead of saying how nice the weather is. pose it as a question, what do you think of the weather. This puts the onus on the receiver to respond.but then again the receiver may well be shallow checks the profile and ignores the communication.
.
since I now may have both feet in mouth I'll stop while I'm behind.
OK MMSH, Gutenberg, Primeboy, etc. etc. help me out here.
Ed

Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 6:27 am
What are you on about?
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