I was going to stay out of this. But the \"better or worse\" comment changed my mind. There are many stories here and outside of the net world that are the same. Women do it also, it\'s not just men.
I am not sticking up for anyone, but if one really sits and thinks about things it\'s easier to understand how this happens. Usually when we get married we are young, hopeful, full of dreams and head-over-heels for the person we are committing our lives to. We really don\'t think about the \"better or worse\" aspect of anything. They are really just words we say because they belong to that moment. Even though at the time we honestly believe we can do it. We plan to make things better. No one has a smidgen of a thought that the worse could really be awful and they need to be prepared for it. For the most part, all we are really hoping is that things stay the same as they are, because, at that moment in time, they are perfect for us. As time goes on we get use to the person we have committed our lives to being there. After awhile you can\'t think of, or don\'t want to imagine, life without them. They become part of you. But we still grow and learn and change. Sometimes we grow together, sometimes we grow apart. Some times the changes can be merged into the life we have built for ourselves, sometimes the changes are just too drastic.
Dealing with a partner that has health issues makes it so much harder. No matter how much we love them, it\'s hard as hell. When it all first starts you feel you will make it because of the love you have for each other. But as time wears on it chips away at those feelings. We are all only human. We are not gods. At least, I\'ve never met anyone that fits that description so far in my life. The changes in our mate from healthy and vibrant to sick and not-so-much hurt the healthy partner just as much as it hurts the partner with the health issues. Dealing with sickness changes us both. Coping mechanisms for those changes are vastly different in each of us. It gets tiring to keep a smile on our faces. Yes, I meant faces, because it\'s hard for both parties involved at moments in their lives.
I am not the person I was before all this illness happened to me. I see myself changing to this day. Every time one more thing knocks me down I\'m finding it harder to pick myself up. I do, but the spring in my step isn\'t quite so bouncy. So I don\'t know if the man who fell in love with me 30 years ago would love being with me today. I\'m not so sure I love being with me today.
I have also worn the other shoe. Being someone\'s caregiver for a long period of time makes it very hard to remain that person\'s lover. It\'s practically impossible under some circumstances. The mental toll that develops is almost unbearable at times. If you decide to stay through each and every thing. It can break even the strongest.
There are weak people and there are strong people. Weak people can be strong and strong people can be weak. Life has a way of turning things around on us. Some of us can stay through it all, some can not. Unless someone is a true, genuine ass from the get-go; I don\'t believe we have the right to judge that person as being one because they can\'t cope with changes they never wanted, expected or even had an inkling of an idea was a possibility.
Staying in a situation that you are not happy is never a good thing. Though it happens a lot because we get used to each other. It\'s easier to live with the known than the unknown. After a certain age we just don\'t want to start over. And sometimes, it\'s just a matter of hoping if we wait a little longer things will get better.
By-the-way. When all these wedding vows were first realized the average life-span wasn\'t that long. They were a lot easier to keep.
Now directly to Jackiei: I am sorry for the hurt you are feeling. You\'ve been together for a long time to not be able to talk to each other and figure this out. I do not read anything that you should be ashamed, so I\'m not sure what that is all about. I surely hope it\'s not the porn. It sounds like that is something you are having a lot of problem with because it\'s what you mention the most. I probably am not the best person to be responding to this because I see no problem with it. I\'d have more of a problem with him ignoring all the important dates if he was never like this before. Honestly, if he can really get it up that many times in one day and for that long all I can say is WOW! I know way younger guys that say it\'s hard to do more than once the majority of the time.
Rejection is always hard to handle. I hope you\'ve brought this up to him at some point. Most women would probably jump to the conclusion that he is either having an affair or wants out of the marriage. But I wouldn\'t agree. You need to talk, a lot. He\'s probably just as confused about everything as you are. And mad and scared and tired...
Don\'t be ashamed. You\'ve done nothing to be ashamed of. You have quite a few reasons to be hurt. The porn is not one of them. If you don\'t sit down and talk this out, even if it takes more than one try, your only going to hurt more and he\'s going to keep pulling away. Whatever the outcome, at least you won\'t be wondering any longer and will be able to adjust your life accordingly.
Wishing you tons of good things. Z