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Clever, Very Clever

Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:52 pm
Clever, very clever...

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary.
His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's
multimillion
dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he
prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.

  She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
>suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
>things. On
>the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining
>room
>table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a
pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited
a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain
rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything;
cleaning & mopping and airing the place out Vents were checked for dead
rodents,
and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they
had to
move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the
expensive
wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to
visit...Repair men refused to work in the house...The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not
find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the
local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge
sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.


The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told
her the
saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed
her
old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce  settlement in
exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on
price
that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she
were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers
delivered the papers.


A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they
watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new
home....................including the curtain rods
Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:29 am
I've heard that one before, but it was definitely worth a re-visit, great!
Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 3:00 am


Happy after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees,I lasted less than a day......

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.



As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to
Wal-Mart.  Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't  twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other
one's 7.  Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you
blind, or just stupid?'  


So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.  Have a good day and thank you for shopping at
Wal-Mart.....'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work!
  Past Member
Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 4:50 am
  Rachel and Ed, you both be making my day!!!
Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:47 pm
Thanks Jo, speaking for myself and Rachel, hope she doesn't mind, but Lord knows we try.Speaking from experience all us ostomates need a good chuckle regularly just to keep up our spirits.
Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 7:54 pm
                                 
gutenberg wrote:
Thanks Jo, speaking for myself and Rachel, hope she doesn't mind, but Lord knows we try.Speaking from experience all us ostomates need a good chuckle regularly just to keep up our spirits.



Of course I don't mind! You are absolutely right, some days I feel really lousy, but I sign on here and someone usually stimulates either a smile or maybe they're having a worse day than me so  it takes my mind off my own aches and pains... anyhow, it's good to talk x
Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:32 am
                                 
lottagelady wrote:
                                 
gutenberg wrote:
Thanks Jo, speaking for myself and Rachel, hope she doesn't mind, but Lord knows we try.Speaking from experience all us ostomates need a good chuckle regularly just to keep up our spirits.



Of course I don't mind! You are absolutely right, some days I feel really lousy, but I sign on here and someone usually stimulates either a smile or maybe they're having a worse day than me so  it takes my mind off my own aches and pains... anyhow, it's good to talk x


Well i,m having a shit of a week but at least you gave me something to smile about,,thank you.
Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 2:31 pm
Speaking of Shit Gus, when are you scheduled for your next operation.
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