What's your stoma's name? Share your creative names!

Hey Aaron, most of us never named their anus but have you noticed how many are named after that part?  It's like there's that AH or that AH.  So many AHs.  We should come up with other names just so we know which AH we're referencing. So often though it just fits so well.

Mike

Bill,   by popular demand, your stoma will henceforth be known in public circles as "Alex." If your stoma has a private name, you can keep it secret. . .

I think "Sir Effin" would be nice.

I think it's so healthy to name your stoma. My hospital ostomy guy came along and said the same, after I'd already named mine.

My stoma's name is "Holly" for these reasons:

I woke up from ovarian cancer surgery with "surprise!" colostomy... they had put me into a Hollister bag. Holli? beared some thought...

Holly is in many ways a thorn in my side.

I went to school with a girl named Holly: she had a glass eye and she would let us poke her eye gently with our pencils (we were all very close friends, it was OK). But Holly was also "vulnerable" in our books, so if she showed any weakness or worry, our entire British schoolgirl class/level protected her in full force. And so it is with my "Holly."

An 'interesting' thought and here's another with slight spelling alterations for anyone who is computer savy.(which isn't me!) 

A Lex according to Wickipedia, is associated with the 'yucc'- parser generator (which seems about right)

It takes an input stream and converts it to an output 'sauce' (which also sounds familiar)

Best wishes

Bill

 

 

I named my stoma Pooter, because it poops.

Quote: "A Lex according to Wikipedia, is associated with the 'yacc' parser generator (which seems about right."

Hey, Bill:

'Holly' (my stoma) and I don't understand the "'yacc' parser generator" bit. Certainly not a regular linguistics term. Holly is often very vocal, but she remains silent on this particular definition (take away the onions and she's silent on MOST definitions!) We suspect your stoma Alex of eating onions to puff up his vocabulary in a very "fluffy" way...

Hello NotDeadYet.

You are absolutely right that the terminology is not a regular linguistics term for us mere mortals. However, in computer terminology, apparently this is what A-LEX is. I just thought that the 'Yuck passer generator' seemed to sum up my stoma, and the further definition that 'It takes an input stream and converts it to an output 'sauce'' seemed to describe the process.

Sorry if borrowing from a different vocabulary dimension doesn't quite translate but it did seem amusing at the time I read it. But I do accept that if a joke needs explaining, then it isn't really funny at all. In future, perhaps I need to leave the humour to those who are good at it.

Best wishes

Bill 

Mine has a name besides pain in the arse. Lol, he is Mr. Stankeeeeeeee.

Yes, I too named my stoma. His formal name is Lord Master Stanislaus or Stanley for short. I named my stoma pretty much immediately following surgery in 2013 and it stuck. I felt better about my stoma too once it had a name. And, I/we truly provide ongoing care for our ostomies as we would care for a baby. It may sound silly but since my stoma can't take care of itself, here is Stomahood (parenthood for an ostomy) for life. Take care everyone and have a great day. LH

Named mine with the help of hubby, to Mr. Stankee

Oh yes, I named my ileostomy Wendy, because you all know that you can be anywhere and they can be very verbal, so I thought Wendy was appropriate!! LOL Grandma64

Actually, I think you're funny as heck. Keep it up!

Love the name, totally understand your "addition to the family" perspective. Ostomies are a whole addition to our lives, and my colostomy certainly comes with its own new rules and care, like a newborn.

How people who have not had newborns can deal with ostomies is beyond me... y'all are amazing.

I haven't named my stoma, it's a part of me and I feel naming it makes it feel like something alien. When really it's just me slightly re-plumbed lol :)

I agree with you....100..is silly to make it something different as ;is us......crippled people do not name ;their misfortune...........is truly silly to do so........................but some here do that.........I look at mine and think.....I am happy to be alive.....but I am not naming it...........is ridiculous to do so

I still think my F'n stoma is quite content without a name. It knows who it is, knows it's the boss, gives me a batch of crap whenever it wants, and knows I will treat it better than any run-of-the-mill asshole. But WAB, I don't consider it a misfortune. I consider myself unfortunate to have needed it but so fortunate to have gotten it. Maybe I'll follow NDY's suggestion and go all the way with "Saint Effin".

Mike

I have taken to calling mine 'my STOMA', then everybody knows what I'm talking about and if for some reason they haven't come across the term before, I can explain.

I do like the names that other people have come up with and I hope that they will keep inventing new ones and sharing them with us to make us smile.

Best wishes

Bill 

Not too different from me, Bill.  You're just more polite and respectful.

Mike

I guess I don't expect much. I wake up every morning and there's the life I have and it's pretty cool. These days it's extra cool that I woke up! And I have life! And, better yet, I can still hop out of bed and fight for shower space with my family!

The day that I woke up in the hospital with a surprise stoma was definitely 'out of routine.' I was foggy, but I think that within a few minutes I had made a decision... I could be really upset about this new development, or I could embrace it wholeheartedly as a new part of my self. I chose the latter. My stoma was new, different, delicate, and a new entity to force my attention.

As I woke up in the hospital bed and looked down at this fleshy red appendage with those feelings and subconscious decisions, my maternal instincts kicked in. I brought myself out of the shock by naming my stoma as I would a newborn child, which obviously signified and eased an acceptance, and furthered my mind's ability to do so. Poo duty again! Been there, done that, let's just go ahead and resign ourselves to more poo duty.

WAB, I think "ridiculous" is a strong and lowering term. Our misfortunes have many names, but I don't think stomas are crippling, it's just a different kind of way that we work with our bodies. I have never heard of anyone naming their arthritis lumps, or hair loss genes, but most people name their stomas. You might not have had an urge to name yours, but LOADS of the rest of us DO name ours. And we will NOT be ridiculed for it, we will work with our instincts to ease the shock of transitioning into a whole new regimen of daily life. With a lot more humor and pleasure because our stomas have fun 'personalities'.

C'mon, WAB, you've gotta have ONE funny story about your stoma, yeah?

Sorry... that I used ridiculous... but well, it is not me to name any of my body parts... well, maybe my Zi ZI ;( you figure it out)... when I had the operation, I told myself this will not hold me back and it has not. I have had quite an active life and wish to continue to do so... ocean sailing... love exploring the unknown... lived in many countries... learned to drive a huge coach and explored the USA... I am still looking for excitement... but naming my stoma, I will not do... alas... when I look at it, I see a miracle... saved my life... has been 17 years and well, I look at it as a life saver... but alas, no funny stories... when I left the hospital, I did a lot of research and well, started irrigating at the beginning... my stoma has never caused me any problems at all... I am sure I am not the only one... I know some here have all kinds of problems but alas, not me... if you have a name for mine that I might like... bring it on... lol...

Thank you WAB for your reply and I'm sure we all accept your apology about the term 'ridiculous'. Thank you also for the 'challenge' you lay down for trying to find a suitable name for your stoma and I hope that people on here will come back with some suggestions.

You give the impression that you live your life 'functionally', getting the most out of it that you can. Thus, I was trying to think of a descriptive, functional  term for your stoma that sums up the process of irrigation.

How about 'SUMP-PUMP'. 

Best wishes

Bill

Very creative, Bill. Brilliant. Take care. LH

I have found that naming my stoma has given me comfort. Her name (yes, she) is Rosie for the main fact it looks like a rosebud. Funny enough, I found out months later that my surgeon's daughter is also named Rosie. But with my stoma, I talk to her, about her, give her birthday parties on the year mark of surgery. Anything to help with the coping, and these all seem to. My boyfriend even talks to her when she is particularly gurgling. I had to get the surgery because of cancer. My stoma is not the most glorious thing, but it did save my life. She is now my lifelong friend that I will treat with respect.

Love you Sdp85 for blessing Rosie so deeply.

My stoma "Holly" was cancer-driven also. I love her, too. Nice that your boyfriend accepts Rosie, I don't think my hubby has actually used the word "Holly."

My colostomy was a huge surprise! My colon had ruptured and every bit and organ in my body cavity had gone septic. My insides had to be handled and saline-rinsed 100 times to rinse out all the epidemic. When I was allowed to wake up a month later, the first thing I noticed was the stink when my bag was being changed. The second thing was a huge, gaping hole where my belly button used to be. There was a machine attached to a hose coming out of the hole pumping blood and clear serum out of the hole. Naturally, I named the stoma Stinky and the wound Leaky.

Wow. I find it hard to process that mentally. How do you get people to "get" what you've been through? My gut instinct (oh sorry, turn-of-phrase... not sure that all of us still have guts...) is to just not answer. Too heavy for me. Proceed to a topic that I can relate to. Not yours, Eeek! But that would defeat the whole purpose of this site, yeah?

Welcome Stinky! We hope your courage in this process will help Leaky!

And welcome, DonBrown, they cut out my insides too. But isn't it amazing how much of your guts you don't actually need to survive?

My friend Andrew had stomach cancer and they had to remove HIS ENTIRE STOMACH. But after that we could go to restaurants and he could eat like anyone. I think they told him he should chew more but we really saw no signs of that. Munchy yum num mmmm. My lesson was that you don't actually need a stomach.

Were you really asleep for a whole month?

My colon burst on September 22, 2016 but I didn't realize it. I had a 20-year history of IBD, UC, and diverticulitis. The pain kept getting worse until September 24, 2016. At that point, it was 10 out of 10 so I went to the emergency room. The doctor on duty diagnosed a perforated bowel and decided to treat it with antibiotics. However, my pain level was so high I would not be able to heal, so beginning on September 24, they dosed me so heavily on painkillers that I was effectively asleep. They finally called in a surgeon on October 3, as I was about to die. He said he didn't think he could save me, but he would try. He did the emergency colostomy, and they continued the painkillers until November 3, when they had to let me wake up so I could be transferred to a Rehabilitation Center. That's another horror story for some other time. I came home just before Thanksgiving Day. My wife had been making decisions for me and is still my primary caregiver. I thank God for my wife because I simply would not have made it without her.

Wow. Your wife must be an amazing woman!

Deuce Pooper is what I like to call mine.