First off i am very sorry to hear about your wife , it is very hard to lose a loved one especially to such a nasty disease . I lost my grandparents to it and then i looked after the terminally ill for a couple of years , so i do understand a bit .
I will admit the year 2014 was one i would like to forget but sadly I won't , I came very close to dying and not even knowing i was that sick,if i hadn't gotten up when i did because of the pain and finally gave in and tried to call my husband at work ( i ended up calling our son and told his wife to get his dad as he worked where his dad does as I needed to go to the ER ASAP and I never ever say I need to go there so little did I know they all came to get me guess it was who ever got here first but my husband got here just as they were getting me ready to leave . ) anyway if i hadn't called him he might have come home to find me dead , so yes it was as I call it my year from hell .
Sounds to me like you have had it a whole lot worse though . I was lucky as I only lost a portion of the large colon down near the rectum , I still have my rectum which is probably why things worked out so well for me . I have read about many who had the reversal and wished they never did . I spent most of my days in the bathroom emptying my bag for both the colostomy and then the temp ileo . I had our oldest granddaughter tell me one day how i spent more time in the bathroom with the bag on then i did before i got it ,so although getting the colostomy did save my life , it took all my freedom from me and for that i learned to hate it with a passion and I am being totally honest about that . I have had many who have the bag actually get up set with me when i say that but it was the truth.
I was told to do the kegal exercises leading up to it as it helps tighten up the pelvic muscles as well since the last surgery I still do floor pelvic muscle exercises (found them on you tube thank goodness for you tube lol ) .
I think for me the reason of not lifting over 6 pounds is because of where the colostomy was placed you see I am a short and fat lady (not proud of that and trying my best of changing it ) the colostomy was placed just below the middle of my breasts maybe only a couple of inches below , and over the year the stoma grew to well to put it politely the size of a well endowed male part (not kidding on that either ) which when the surgeon saw it finally in Feb last year his first words were let's get it fixed , before i left his office the surgery was booked for Mar 19 / 15 . I think if i had been left any longer I would have been wearing a bag for life , so he told me that where it is placed and how he had to reattach it I was not to lift over 6 pounds and absolutely no bending (toe type bending ) so I do a lot of squats now when i want to bend ,
I think each person is different and that is something you will have to talk with your surgeon about when you see him/her , I know on one group i was on there was a man who was a mechanic on a naval ship and he was back at work , so I think each person is different and each person heals differently . I think with me as for healing well I still have the surgeon shaking his head in wonder as he says I should have died as soon as they opened me up as I spent 4 days with stool floating around inside me , but when they did there was none , he told me I should have been in the hospital for several weeks maybe longer but I bugged him so much I came home on day 12 . and stayed by myself as my husband had to work / the home care nurses told me after I asked why i kept hearing you are an unusual case as I told them I was not the first person to have this , they told me they were expecting to be with me for 6 months or longer and left at the end of June , last year I spent only 7 days in hospital and came home was out working in my flowers in May and back in the hospital for the final take down and came home on day six after the surgery , my wounds then healed fast but I am still trying to get my energy back ,but i could be my own worst enemy there as my husband and sons tell me as i only rested for the first two weeks home and was back up walking thru the house and then out side and haven't stopped lol .
Each person is different in how they heal and some even are able to do what the doctors say , for me as for the weight restrictions as I can't work any more (work injury related ) I can pretty much follow at least that part anyway
What i can say is I went in with faith in what the surgeon was like and have learned to have faith from the man above as well as I have had the surgeon / my family doc/ my husband 's doc (my husband was asking him if he knew why i didn't end up with blood poison ) my dentist when i had to see him he had to know before he did work on me / and last of all my eye doctor because I ran into problems with dry eyes since the surgery and they all tell me the only thing they can say is some one was watching over me that day was the only reason they can give me .
So go in with faith / trust that your surgeon is good and from above