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I am a 64-year-old Female
Country: United States
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I am a 64-year-old Female
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Dating

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2016 8:39 pm

How does one get past the fear of starting to date, but dread telling strangers about having a colostomy?

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2016 9:19 pm

Please message me, I'm happy you "liked" my profile 

  Past Member
Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2016 9:44 pm

I have thought this very thing as I am sure many have.   Have a temp ileostomy and can only hope my reversal surgery s successful.  Its hard enough dating and seeing if there is enough interest to continue with a person, let alone right time to disclose.  I think a person of strong character who is looking for the right qualities will endure.  I have been told if he doesn't stick around his loss.  I can see this but also if not explained right could scare someone off.  I personally think if some sees your outlook and how you enjoy life it will have them see you in a different light.  I have a good friend who had arm amputated above elbow, husband left her over it, yetmen flock to her.  Personality, big smile, and her zesty way is what I see in her.  She does not wear a prosthetic, feels people can except her flaws.

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 12:26 am

Hi there!

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 1:13 am

Hello daukdeb. Thanks for the post which gives people like me a chnace to use a few remaining brain cells.

Fear comes in many forms and possibly one of the most common ones is what we call 'anxiety'. I have no magic formula for overcoming this but there are some techniques that have been useful to people in the past. One such technique is to 'face the fear'.  explore it until you know it inside out, then you begin to know yourself and can build defences to stop any future anxieties/ fear having the same negative effects in future.

Fear is like any other emotion in that it has an enrgy and a force of its own. This energy (like other energies) can become negative, positive or neutral depending upon how it's controlled and used. It can be a really good motivational factor in moving forward if the person can understand it and make it work for them rather than against.

Anyway! I've never met anyone who is perfect so why not leave telling people what you feel is a flaw in yourself, until they start sharing what they think is wrong with themselves.  You might find that you will be waiting a long time, as many people have difficulty seeing their own flaws.

Best wishes

Bill

Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2016 7:13 am

You might like to read a book by Brenda Elsagher called, Its in the bag and under the covers. There is a whole chapter on establishing new relationships with contributions from people who've been through it. Timing is an individual thing, but self-confidence, flexibility, humor, and a willingness to take some risks can all be important. Good luck!

Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 12:35 pm

Hi dating person,  there are two school's of thought on telling someone your challenge, one,; wait until they get to know you or two; lwt them know right away.  I would only suggest to use both ideas depending on how you  read the person, so no absolute rule.  Good luck and I hope for the best for you.  I guess what we have we have forever and you need people to date worth dating.  Caring and understanding people.

 

Take care 

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:47 pm

Hey there bud! How are you?

Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2018 2:53 pm
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