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Bare Facts

 
Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 7:39 pm
An older gentleman joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander .
around.   A gorgeous petite blond walks by and the man immediately gets an
erection.  
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Sir, did
you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here that
if you get an erection it implies you called for me."
Smiling she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a
towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with
her.
The man continued to explore the colony's facilities.   He enters the sauna and as he sat down he farted.
Within a few minutes a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man lumbers out the steam toward him.
"Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.
No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new here," says the hairy man, "it is a rule here that if
you fart it implies that you called for me."
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has
his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by
the smiling, naked receptionist.
"May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here is my membership card, you can have the key back,
and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours, you
haven't even had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 58 years old, I get an erection once a
month, but I fart 15 times a day!!"
 
Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:33 pm
                                                                                                                                 

I am soooooo glad that I no longer have an anus           
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 1:30 pm
Well my ostimate friend, I still have one but am not
planning to attend any nudist camp while I'm still alive,
which brings me to the question,   Is there a market for
a used anus', especially some surgeon, the ones who
screwed me up would get a special deal.
Of course the one in particular I would like to sell
it to already seems to have two, 'cause the shit
that was coming out of him came from two holes!
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 2:31 pm
Oh Ed, I had that one and I was saving it for a special occasion, like not being able to sleep or something.... and you beat me to it! It's a good one though xx
 
Gus
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:55 pm
                                 
cagabolsa wrote:
                                                                                                                                  

I am soooooo glad that I no longer have an anus           


Amen brother lol
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 6:55 pm
So sorry Rachel, didn't mean to shit on your parade.'Lil ostomate saying. Ed
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 6:58 pm
Well, I have to admit that I actually went to a nudist camping after being decorated with a baggy.
As I wanted to continue my life like I was used to, I went back to that camping in the South of France.  
To not upset people (too much) I made myself a cotton cover for my baggy.
The first day I walked around and said hello and good morning to people, nobody answered me back.  
On the way to the little super market people even went off the path to walk away from me and publicly ignore me.
I felt very upset about this behaviour.
And when I arrived at the swimming pool, there was a very obese woman sitting close to the entrance.  
She was very very big, and obviously not ashamed of her looks.  
When she saw me enter the swimming pool, she looked at me with a very big smile and greeted me: Good afternoon buddy.  
She really made me feel good.  
The look in her eyes said a million words.   

On the other hand there are also people who dont accept their condition.  
Like this astronomer that had his colon and rectum removed like some of us.  
He went back to work after a 6 months sick leave.  
This guy had a lot of difficulties accepting his permanent condition.
One day he received a group of pupils from a nearby school and he showed them around his work place.
After he explained how the telescope worked a 10 year old boy asked him politely:
"Sir, can I have a look at Uranus?"
It took the teacher and 2 colleagues half an hour to free the boy from the strangling hands of the astronomer.
He scared the shit out of this poor boy, and the parents sued the asshole.

 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:01 pm
That's okay my dear, I'm used to my parade being shit upon lately! xx
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:05 pm
In Europe you get fined for shitting on someones parade.
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:19 pm
Know exactly what you mean Rachel. The four operations,
three heart attacks and the ileostomy come in a
distant second compared to my spinal problems and be damned
if I can get to see an orthopedic surgeon because of the CAT scan
showed such a mess that nobody wants to even look
at me, and it was surgeons who helped put me in this position.
Were it not for a kind hearted neighbor who keeps me plowed out
and my wife having to shovel snow almost drove me over the edge,
hell, maybe I am over the edge and dont know it, noimsayin. Ed
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:27 pm
Cagabolsa: Does that mean Rachel can fine me? Oh dear me what have I done.
 
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:38 pm
Well, actually, the one that shits on the parade is normally the dog.   

So, its the owner who gets fined if he/she does not shovel the shit.    

Failing to shovel snow can also lead to a fine, because its a public safety hazard.    

You see, we are not racist in Europe (when it comes to shoveling), whether its brown or white,
when the shit hits the fan, we all get fined.
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