Dealing with Anger and Acceptance after Medical Negligence: Finding Healing and Moving Forward

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NewNormal617

My attorney called yesterday to schedule my deposition. October 31, 2016 marked the third anniversary of the start of my own private hell. I've waited so long for this malpractice/medical negligence suit to get underway, but now that the ball is rolling, I'm feeling more and more anger. I went to the ER on 10/31/2013 for an intestinal blockage. I don't really remember anything else until Thanksgiving of that year when the surgical team finally brought me out of my medically-induced coma. Even then, my memories are still extremely spotty until around February of 2014. By then, I'd already endured 34 of the 35 surgeries I have undergone thus far. Still ahead were specialty hospitals, rehab centers, learning to walk again, realizing I'd lost 130 lbs, and finally being told I would have a permanent ileostomy (VERY poorly placed by the surgeon I am suing), as well as permanent liver, kidney, spleen, and nerve damage, and a scant 110 cm of small intestine remaining. Reviewing all the data for my deposition (including masses of stuff I don't remember) is dredging up so much anger and depression that I can barely breathe. This man stole my life! Because of him, I will never have a single day without pain, will never be able to work again, am financially ruined, and can't even sit up for more than 30 mins at a time. How do I work through these feelings and find acceptance for what my life has become?

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Bill
Hello New Normal617.
Sorry to hear of your horrific story with regard to your experience with the medical profession but thank you for sharing it with us.
My first reaction to your question about how you work through your feelings, is to say that the deposition could be helpful in ordering your thoughts and clarifying exactly how you feel. The process of a courtroom expose of what you went through can also be a cathartic experience which can help move towards some sort of emotional closure. However, apart from the physical things you need to come to terms with, there is the sometimes more important psychological and emotional aftermath of such trauma. It is my firm belief that fully understanding these aspects are what helps people to learn to live with the consequences of trauma. Even the most competent of individuals, sometimes need help with the emotional stuff and I would highly recommend seeing a good personal counsellor/ psychologist/ therapist during the process of working through the legal issues. The costs for such a service can be added to the amount you are suing for and your attorney should be able to advise you on this. It is worth bearing in mind that, no matter how good your your attorney is, they are not counsellors/therapists in this sense and probably do not have the time or expertise to help you with the emotional aspects.
I hope that you will be able to persevere with your case without reliving and adding and to the trauma you have already endured.
Best wishes
Bill
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NewNormal617

Thanks for your advice, Bill. I think part of the issue is reading about so much of what I was unconscious for in the first place. It's sort of like experiencing it for the first time. As for a counselor, I am already doing that. Just feeling incredibly overwhelmed by it all right now.

iMacG5

Hey NewNormal617, welcome and thank you for sharing.  I think Bill's note was "right on" and I'm happy you're seeing someone.  Wow!  You've been through so much.  The fact that you've written to us suggests you're on your way to a much better place in your life.  Please keep us posted.

Wishing you the very best,

Mike

Bill

Hello NewNormal617.

That feeling of experiencing the trauma for the first time, when in fact it is some time after the original event is common in PTSD and should ease with time and support from your counsellor.

It sometimes helps to view the after effects of emotional and psychological feelings of hurt as you would for for a physical wound, in that 'scarring' can irritate, hurt or itch long after the wound originally happened. However, if that sensation is viewed as part of the healing process, then it can seem like a more positive experience and less damaging.

I hope this helps.

Best wihses

Bill 

 
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Ewesful

Keep us posted - Bill has so much experience and ability that I would really listen to him.

You can also be happy you are not the result of a drunk driver accident or some other careless act that deprives people of life.

You have definitely been through a lot - but there is a brighter side. First get through the legal mess and then concentrate on getting mentally and physically into better hands. God bless you.

I went through a massive mess a few years ago and I am still very challenged, but I avoided pancreatic cancer spreading and I lost a lot of tumors, organs, etc. from FAP. I look at it that God has another purpose and some of us are able to provide substantial data to the medical world.

Bill
Hello NewNormal617.
It sounds as if you will be fine as long as you don't believe that you are reliving it all and being damaged over again.
With emotional and psychological stuff, it sometimes it helps to use the analogy of other types of injuries, in that 'scarring' may itch or even hurt when it is in the process of healing. However, as long as you are aware that this is part of the healing process you can be more positive about the hurting because you can be confident that the underlying cause is getting better.
I hope this helps
Best wishes
Bill
Bill
Hello NewNormal617.
It sounds as if you will be fine as long as you don't believe that you are reliving it all and being damaged over again.
With emotional and psychological stuff, it sometimes it helps to use the analogy of other types of injuries, in that 'scarring' may itch or even hurt when it is in the process of healing. However, as long as you are aware that this is part of the healing process you can be more positive about the hurting because you can be confident that the underlying cause is getting better.
I hope this helps
Best wishes
Bill
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