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Posted by gutenberg, on Wed Dec 23, 2009 9:15 pm
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs - and I was in the wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio,

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes,  they used to be," remorsed the patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had  died of a
"massive internal fart."   Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada


I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I  placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye
with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."  Again, a
flawless  read.

"Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the
large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly  what
I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.   Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his

"Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a  new
one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
him  quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see . Yes, the man  had
over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the
old patch before applying a new one.   Dr. Rebbecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why not for about twenty years! - when my husband was alive."  Dr. Steven
  Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
  It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used
to  the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the
woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."  Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
  purple  hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.  
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed  that
her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo  that read,
"Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon  wrote a short
note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow  the lawn."


A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing  female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed  a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom he was  performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further embarrassed him   He  looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm

Was I tickling you?  She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were

was,"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".  Dr. wouldn't admit his name
Reply by lottagelady, on Thu Dec 24, 2009 7:13 am
Lovely, I can identify with some of those! Pity I cannot remember many of my own funny stories, I will think on it and see if I can come up with some, but with a lot of 'em, you 'had to be there'!
Reply by gutenberg, on Fri Dec 25, 2009 12:08 am
I know what you mean Rachel, then again, there are some we have to work at trying to forget. Its not too often we can tell funny stories about doctors on this forum but we can show we're better than that.
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