Fart Sounds and Public Speaking: Any Advice?

Hi, I've now had my ostomy 14 days and still can't stop laughing at all the new uncontrollable fart sounds!!!

The thing is, eventually, when I'm back on my feet, I tend to do quite a bit of public speaking. Usually in rooms of several hundred to a thousand. Having no control of the fart sounds, nervousness over speaking in front of a large crowd, and a microphone, seems like a frightening and funny prospect!

Anyone with experience with this? Farting is one of the funniest aspects to this whole experience!! Still laughing!

David,

It's more noticeable shortly after surgery and more gas is produced during the healing process. I too am a fart aficionado and laugh like a 12-year-old boy when it comes to farts. My stoma tends to act up when I'm at the dentist's office waiting room. I tend to muffle the farts with my coat so it sounds more like my stomach growling. But it usually only happens when I have a few beers the night before.

I don't know how quiet it is when you're publicly speaking, but I wouldn't worry about the mic picking up the sound. Some ostomates have placed a few sheets of tissue paper over their stoma to muffle the sound of gas. Another thing to consider is not to eat foods that could cause a lot of gas the next day. Like sodas, beer, or even chewing gum. You could also take Gas-X or the equivalent prior to any event. I'm sure you saw the food chart in the "Cramping" post.

But yeah, I do miss farting sometimes. With that being said, please enjoy the following video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVnKbEZwLJo

Bain

Yeah, that'll happen sometimes. Several of my coworkers got to see that first hand about two days after my surgery visiting me in the hospital. Mine honestly doesn't make too much noise anymore, for me it's if I haven't eaten in a while. You'll get used to it, and learn to sense when it's going to happen most of the time. Like Bain said, just muffle it with something, even your hand will work. Yes, I miss farting much more than I would have guessed.

Hi,

I have done a lot of lecturing in front of large classes of students in college for many years. The inevitable fart can come at the most inconvenient time. Most often, I could sense when it was about to burst forth. In that event, I would try to muffle the sound with my wrist and hand by nonchalantly placing my hand over my stoma. I would also turn my back to the class and face the blackboard and write something that was pertinent. You might not have that choice, however. I think Bain's suggestions are good ones for trying to manage the problem. I would also take an Imodium ahead of time, especially if I was going to attend a meeting where the participants would sit very close to each other. The slowing down of the gut motility lessened the chance of a fart. I read on this site a few years ago that someone suggested eating marshmallows to reduce stoma noise. I have never tried it, however. Good luck!

X_

Have you noticed that no woman has posted here yet? Lol. Having grown up in an Italian Irish family with a lot of males...farting was always a source for hilarious conversation. Thankfully, my ostomy is pretty quiet most of the time. I have come to be able to recognize when a bunch of air is heading out, so I can muffle it pretty well. There will be times when you will be out in public and it will just happen...can't be helped. I wouldn't worry about it. That's just a part of life!

As for the marshmallow comment...I actually learned about marshmallows and ostomies from an old school ostomy nurse. Mine happens to decide to become really active and liquidy when it knows I'm trying to change it....so she taught me that if I down like 10 marshmallows (and who would have trouble doing that! Lol) like 20 mins before beginning the change, it will not only thicken the output but it will slow it down immensely. You will be able to save a lot of time, supplies, and patience! I would def try it out!

Happy farting, guys!

I too can sense the feeling when something is on the move, but true that sometimes it just happens so quickly. I also work with a small group of people in the same space. Sometimes I pull open the squeaky file cabinet that is next to my space and it helps distract from the noise. I also use the Gas-X product but if marshmallows work, I'm going to get me a bag and give it a try. Hmmm. I wonder if Marshmallow Fluff in the jar would work as well??

I teach 4th graders and boy!!!... My first sounds were "expelled" today! Very loud indeed! I felt nothing beforehand so couldn't tell it was about to happen.

After several months on a probiotic, my gas diminished considerably. Now I seldom make noises except when I eat beans that have not been cooked enough.

Hello

So many of us have learned the hard way of dealing with the unexpected fart at the wrong time. To control the gas, you can use Beano liquid. It takes about 30 minutes to do its job. The tablets, I never used them because they took longer to work for me. If you wear a support, you can make a muffler with a little extra thick cloth to muffle the sound so it's not so loud. For me, it happens when out eating and then without warning, sometimes you hear the fart nice and clear because it's not going through the seat of the chair anymore. And at table height, it will be the young kids that say something just as fast as you farted. Then the whole restaurant knows.

Hahahahahaha, thanks everyone. I needed that. I got to the point where I just look around like it wasn't me, especially when they're next to me because it's not like if they're going to smell it. LOL

I get a chuckle when the kids laugh about it. I remind them....my farts may not stink, but deflating the airbag does....lol

When I had my colostomy, I was in constant terror of it humiliating me. Once at a doctor's office full of people and complete silence, I was on my way out the door and it went off. It couldn't have waited 5 more seconds when I would have been out the door. Now I have an ileostomy and it is almost always quiet.