Bag Interference During Intimate Moments: Any Solutions?

Hey man, interesting first post. Believe I would avoid long hot baths and the spa, just jump in the shower and be quick about it and you won't have any trouble. Things will get better, most things in this life are about attitude.. so get a positive one and work to keep it. Everybody has something wrong with them, the point is to overcome it.... Ever heard the saying..."Who dares..wins"?

Hi there, yes it is a bit of a hard road you're on at the moment but Mr. Mild said it perfectly. It's all in the attitude, and things do get better. And I would wait a while until you go into a spa. I have and it was fine for a little while... Like all things in this lifestyle, everything in moderation. Hang in there... chin up as they say. Ok, take care.... Tarababy

Hi all, I am newish.

I have had my colostomy for just over a year now, and I call it Winnie, as in the bear.

I have a hot tub in the back garden, and although I don't use it as often as I want or indeed should (electric bill too high), I don't have a problem. Once out and showered, leave your bag for 20 minutes or so, and then change it if you feel you need to.

Not sure how I would feel if in a public spa though.

Hi,

I have had my ileostomy for years. I take a quick shower or a long hot bath. No problems. I always change the bag after as I don't want a wet soggy one on. Now and again I take it off while in the shower but not often because it starts working! I don't go swimming as I can't swim but have many times been in the pool in the past, no problems, I even had swimming lessons but failed to learn! As for sex, chance would be a fine thing at the moment! Haha! Seriously, it's been more of a problem for me than partners I have had but it's not stopped me, but I do feel ugly. I wonder if it's different for a woman if her man has a bag. Mmmm. It's early days for you yet, just take your time and recover first. Love can overcome many things, but you have to find it first and let it grow.

I recently purchased this item on eBay. It works wonderfully. I have not tested it with intimacy, but I would be willing to bet it is better than anything else available.

http://cgi.ebay.com/OSTOMY-BELT-POUCH-STOMA-COVER-GREAT-PRODUCT_W0QQitemZ190258870256QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item190258870256 _trkparms=72%3A1205%7C39%3A1%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C240%3A1318 _trksid=p3911.c0.m14

I can relate to not being comfortable... I have a colostomy at 51 years old... and don't think I will ever be intimate again.

I am new here... hence the late reply.

Ha!    I have also given my stoma a name... it's "Maxie", had mine for almost 2 years

Welcome Smuggy, I don't think I would give up so easily. If I can manage to
"bag some booty," surely everyone else can too. Personally, I just use one of those waist wraps like some folks use when exercising. Put on a small pouch and the wrap. If you're uncomfortable, turn off the light. Woman on your back, raise your legs. Man on your side and slide in close. Everything should be lined up.... so batter up and let's win this ball game!!
Man, grab both ankles and adjust those legs (hers) to suit you, now hold them there. Woman, better reach back and grab that headboard because Daddy is bringing it home!! Now see how easy that was.... any questions??

Awe!!!!! Well, you just get right to the point, Mr. Mild. No wonder I like you... And, I'm with you. There is no reason in the universe for any ostomate to not be getting laid whenever possible. Okay, even I know it takes time to adjust, but go steady until you get the confidence. And trust me, you will wonder why you have held back and made yourself go without it. Nothing wrong with some good clean fun between consenting adults... whether they have any extras or not. Oh, and naming it can help for the healing process. Mine is 'Billy the Bag', 'Wally the Wafer', and 'Stanley the Stoma'. And you see... this is the only way I'll get to say, "I'm in bed with 3 guys at once"... hehehehehehe.

Hey Miss T, I was beginning to wonder if I scared everybody off with this post. Thank goodness I didn't mention the live chicken weedwacker trick.

MMMMM!!!! I think maybe you could email me that one... lmao. A good way to get my attention, by the way G, thanks. I'm still around, just busy with working and the normal run of life in general. Too buggered to do much by the time I get home... so I have a read and put a word in occasionally.
Wondering how many out there in the cyber-world know about Melbourne Cup Day here actually... I don't normally let people know when my birthday is, but every so many years it falls on Melbourne Cup Day... And that's the day a HORSE RACE stops the nation at 3pm, so I am going to party!!!!.. That's P-A-R-T-Y!... Champagne breakfast... then see what evolves from there... Knowing me, it could be a fun day. And not having to work for two days after that... the hangover could be painful. I'll be taking a gamble, so wish me luck... wouldn't know a good horse if I fell over it... to me they are all beautiful, but that won't win me a small fortune, will it...
Later G, take it easy, and oh if you feel you should share the other story, I say go for it...

Well, happy birthday Miss T!! Not sure if someone so young and innocent can handle the live chicken weedeater thing.... maybe when you're a little older. Sounds like the Melbourne Cup Day is similar to the Kentucky Derby we have here. Here's a drinking tip just in case you haven't heard it:
Beer before whiskey.... mighty risky
Whiskey before beer..... never fear
Easy to remember and very true.

Awe!!!! Thanks G..but if I have at any time let you think I'm sweet and innocent.....then I am not on the ball as much as I'd like to be...(hehehehehe) ....Think you're forgetting also what my career was and some of the 'scenes' I was exposed to... Sheesh!!! Now I know why I have so much grey.....and yes, you're right about your Kentucky Derby to our Melbourne Cup.
And as far as the beer? You can drink all of that....don't touch it...as for the whiskey...bring it on.....as you guys say, 'on the rocks please'. But I'm starting with a champagne breakfast at where I work...they are used to me going in dressed different and sexy, and I won't be the only one, lots of ladies will be all tarted up. Getting ready to go to the races...That's when a video-cam is handy....film them all dressed up and most looking absolutely gorgeous. All putting on the airs and graces and being lovely ladies. Little pinky in the air as they drink or eat at the 'ladies day race' ...Lots of hot sun and warm champers......5 hours later just sit back and watch the fun as they ....what would you call it? Fall (pour) out of the gates to stand on or in the gutter yelling and screaming or sharing their days drinking with the footpath....lmao...nicer way to say it, could have said throwing their little tummies up. Ahh..alcohol..wonderful invention.....Anyway guys...take it easy...PS....trust me I can handle it.. .

Hello everyone. This feels strange. I have lived with my ostomy for 14 years now and am okay with how I am. But why is it that every time I get close to a man and finally get the courage to tell him, he suddenly disappears? Are men really that shallow?

Hi there newcomer, love the nickname by the way.....I know from first hand how shallow people/men can be, like all of us...But I believe that being honest right up, within first or second meeting. If the guy has come back a second time, it's time to share. He's interested enough obviously, so now you make what you have a bit stronger, and let him know you're telling him something in confidence... so, if he likes you, that will impress him, that you trust him enough to share something so personal... Bingo, here comes a 3rd date etc.....if they don't come back, then at least you know, either way...The ones who stay are worth the wait. And your ego will love you for it. Most I have told...have said it doesn't make me who I am and we get on with whatever we are doing.....Give it a try, you just never know....cheers and good luck....Tara

Well, you might try tying them up first or handcuffing them to something really heavy (the bumper of your car maybe)!!
Well, maybe we better go with Tara's idea first.

http://www.ostomyconfidence.com/

This is a very helpful website and another good one is: My Heart Ties.

I wish these had been available to me 18 years ago when I first had my ileostomy surgery. My husband was very understanding and loving, but these new things would have helped raise my self-esteem and confidence. I buy colorful cloth from Walmart to make pouch covers with; they are made of cotton and I stay cool "down under". I had to use my imagination and it turned out to be somewhat fun too! Like Tara says, it does get better and better, don't give up!

I hope this helps you guys and gals.

It's all the messy stuff at the end of sex, I don't like!! You know, like getting your wallet out and paying!!! LOL

Awe, gee Walter you left that one wide open. Thought being married and/or paying for it were the same things/came with the deal... lmao... Ah not saying all, but gee, what I have seen at times, you could be forgiven if you thought it anything more than a paying job... ok later...

Tara, I will have to see your little shower cap. Great idea, darl. But should I go to their place after a night out? Should I take one with me? Lol. Talk to you later. And please, please show me. Cheers, darz. And guys, lie down. Let us do the work. We know what we want. Hahahah.

Hey there girl, well you can take a peek at this idea now... Took some pics and put them in the photo album on here... Not the best quality, but will have to do.... Hope you can see them ok. Such a simple idea, but a life-saver to boot. And not a worry in the world to carry one with you. I have one in each room of my home. Lmao.... And one in each handbag... Well you just never know hey..... And they say the one you miss out on is the one you will never get back.... Oh damn, now I'm getting the picture. Let me know what you think... Thanks...

Long time ileostomate, first time poster:
Hi everyone. I just wanted to comment on the swimming/spa/hot bath topic, and maybe throw my two cents in about the sex thing.

I swim every single day in the summer (which is no exaggeration, although summer doesn't last very long here in North Bay, Ontario, CA) with absolutely no side effects on my bag. I wear Coloplast 12455, which is termed extended-wear for my ileostomy. The bag dries shortly after, or right away if I take the time to towel it off, which I normally don't have the opportunity to do. I also wear a normal one-piece bathing suit, in black, and find I don't have any issues. I even had a family friend comment after a day of family fun at the beach, "I don't want to say the wrong thing here, but I had to ask your Dad which side the bag was on. I couldn't see it at all!"
I also have a great fondness for hot baths, especially when I am having a bout of pain, and can soak for almost an hour before I get bored. Again, no side effects. I can keep that bag going for 4-5 days if I keep a good eye on it, no matter if I've been swimming or bathing, etc.

Lastly, I've found that a nice little piece of lingerie is all I need to keep that bag out of the show, and make me feel like the vixen I am. I own a few pieces that come down to mid-thigh, like little dresses, or I throw a sexy little cami on that comes down just far enough to cover. The only thing then is the crinkly noises, but my mate is much too busy and happy to notice. Unfortunately, I broke up with my mate in June, so Lori is looking for a man who has a bag of his own. Life would be so much easier to have someone in the same place as me.

Anyway, I hope I've added something beneficial to the forum! And I look forward to getting to know everyone here! Drop me a line, and wishes of health to all of you!

Lori

Hello all.
I wanted to let you know, after a long recovery, I have finished my website showing the OstomyShell I designed after my ostomy.
I made my first one by hand and put my pre-ostomy lingerie over it, and I almost felt like before the body disfigurement. Yeah.
I decided I wanted everyone who had struggled as much as I had should have more to choose from, and I set to a slow but constant project.
Almost 3 years later, it's ready.
Check it out.
www.ostomyshell.com
Wishing you all love, peace, and happiness. A full life with confidence.
Ina

Hello, I found the next best thing to being naked. It's called "Wear Close". This is Intimate Active Ostomy Apparel. I purchase it online from www.wearclose.com and it works great. I really like it. I hope you like it too.

HELLO TO ALL. I'VE HAD MY ILEOSTOMY FOR OVER 5 YEARS NOW AND I STILL CAN'T BE INTIMATE? WHEN I TRY, I JUST FREAK OUT AND RUN AWAY. MAYBE THAT'S WHY I'M SINGLE? I REALLY DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

Jadegenie40,
I just posted a reply but it didn't work, so I'll try again.
Are you male or female? At what stage do you go running?
I hope that you don't mind me asking these questions.
I was married when I had my op and am single now. Since being single, I have had my moments but not having any now. I have struggled with body image but it's not stopped me when the time comes. I have problems in meeting anyone.
I have found something to wear at times like this and will post details maybe tomorrow as I can't at the moment.
Poppy

I think having sex is hard, especially for singles who have never had sex before their ostomy and/or it's the first time after surgery.
There is just so much stress on the person, I think that's what makes people freak out once the 'nasty' is about to happen.

On a brighter note:
What things have you found about sex that you like now after surgery?

Any tricks of the trade?

I know dancing with a person isn't sex, but it can be pretty 'intimate', being so close to another person's body. I try to make sure before I go out that night to not eat anything I know will pass quickly because I'm going to be drinking water to stay hydrated from 3 hours of either clubbing or swing/charleston dancing. I have felt so much more comfortable also wearing those 'boyshort' undies and wearing the bag to the side. It's less noticeable under my skin-fitting clothing.

Hi all,
I also am wearing those knickers that are close fitting in the 'shorts' style, really comfortable. My mother saw them drying on my line in the summer and thought I was doing washing for a secret man.
I had my confidence shattered when I had my surgery in December 2006. My husband left me, so I came home to an empty house. Self-esteem at its lowest!
I had a very close friend of several years (male). He has given me the confidence I needed, paid me compliments, and after several months of building my strength up and getting out and about again, we sat down and had a conversation about how we felt about each other. Well... the inevitable happened and I was on top of the world. Of course, I am to this day conscious about the bag, especially when it starts making 'raspberry' sounds because I'm being energetic! LOL
We have found that spooning is the best or doggy... haha. I have never used anything to strap the thing close to me, but wear quite a small bag anyway. Got a few other positions together now... I'm too shy to explain, you get the picture.
Everyone take care and keep loving.
Michelle xxx

Hi folks, mmm... doggie... My favorite... plus I like the woman on top, helps keep the legs and ass-cheeks firm... Hell any sex is the best exercise you can get... AND... the best subject ever. So why am I missing out? Oh, that's right, my guy is not here... Anyway, I like any position as long as I'm involved. Don't think I'll go back on the swingers scene again... even though it was a blast. Hehehehehe. Ok, maybe a bit too much info. Cya's

Tried that, dog didn't really care for it and tries to bite me now when I walk by....... Seriously now.... what is "spooning"??? It sounds so naughty.... and makes me a little hungry too!!

This talk reminds me of a joke... Do you know how they practice "safe sex" in New Zealand??? They mark an X on the sheep that kick.