I’m new to the forum and I’ll start by saying that I don’t have an Ostomy myself but my partner recently had an operation for rectal cancer (May 2018) and now has a (hopefully) temporary illeostomy.
His histology results came back good so no chemo required and he’s hoping to have the reversal sometime in the next few months depending on the results of the contrast x-ray.
He’s recovering well from the operation but the bag is a huge issue for him with regard to body image and he’s told me in no uncertain terms that he will not have sex, or even be intimate, with me until after he has the reversal. I’ve assured him that the bag is not a problem to me at all and I don’t find it offputting in any way, but in his head it’s a huge problem and one he just can’t get around. I ordered him a wrap in the hope that it might make him more confident knowing that the bag is covered and secure, however he explained that just knowing he has a bag of poo hanging from his stomach is sufficient to totally squash any kind of sexual feelings he might have.
We don’t even hug anymore as he’s so conscious of the bag that he holds me away from him whenever I go to put my arms around him. I’m really missing the intimacy we used to have and I can feel myself starting to withdraw from him as time goes on.
I really don’t want this to adversely affect our relationship but I feel so frustrated and depressed about the situation. I keep telling myself that four or five months isn’t that long to wait (if everything goes to plan!), but it’s going to feel like the longest few months of my life. I’m a very touchy/huggy person and I feel like I can’t even do that now. Holding hands and a quick peck on the lips is about all we do now.
If anyone has any advice they can give me or help me understand how he is feeling just so I can get my head around it I’d be most grateful.