Iâ€™m new to the forum and Iâ€™ll start by saying that I donâ€™t have an Ostomy myself but my partner recently had an operation for rectal cancer (May 2018) and now has a (hopefully) temporary illeostomy.
His histology results came back good so no chemo required and heâ€™s hoping to have the reversal sometime in the next few months depending on the results of the contrast x-ray.
Heâ€™s recovering well from the operation but the bag is a huge issue for him with regard to body image and heâ€™s told me in no uncertain terms that he will not have sex, or even be intimate, with me until after he has the reversal. Iâ€™ve assured him that the bag is not a problem to me at all and I donâ€™t find it offputting in any way, but in his head itâ€™s a huge problem and one he just canâ€™t get around. I ordered him a wrap in the hope that it might make him more confident knowing that the bag is covered and secure, however he explained that just knowing he has a bag of poo hanging from his stomach is sufficient to totally squash any kind of sexual feelings he might have.
We donâ€™t even hug anymore as heâ€™s so conscious of the bag that he holds me away from him whenever I go to put my arms around him. Iâ€™m really missing the intimacy we used to have and I can feel myself starting to withdraw from him as time goes on.Â
I really donâ€™t want this to adversely affect our relationship but I feel so frustrated and depressed about the situation. I keep telling myself that four or five months isnâ€™t that long to wait (if everything goes to plan!), but itâ€™s going to feel like the longest few months of my life. Iâ€™m a very touchy/huggy person and I feel like I canâ€™t even do that now. Holding hands and a quick peck on the lips is about all we do now.
If anyone has any advice they can give me or help me understand how he is feeling just so I can get my head around it Iâ€™d be most grateful.