Now let us get some reality into this ucmama. Below is the initial post by Mary Allison to which I responded.
As I stated, not once did Chris raise the subject of religion but has to receive the above sermon regardless of his beliefs, which to me seems wrong. But aside from this, I constantly find it incongruous the criticism that will emanate from some religiously minded people if someone has the temerity to question their faith. By the way, if you read the post, Mary Allison expected criticism. On the flip side, I notice the deafening silence with regards to another post in this thread containing more vitriol and scathing remarks regarding non-believers. This does not surprise me.
Some of my very best friends are believers and attend church regularly but do not find it necessary to push their beliefs upon others when not solicited, which to me shows respect. Conversely, they are not immune to some robust theological discussions and do not endeavor to influence others by utilizing their religion. I have the utmost respect for them not only as friends but human beings as well.
Ken
Now we come to your post... What is its "intent"?
Were you trying to comfort her or the original poster? No, I don't think so... Your post is a negative reply to someone you do not know... You simply do not agree with her point of view.
My point is that all members here are entitled to their opinion and encouraged to post them in any "positive" way. That is the purpose of this forum.
There have been a few (very few) threads on this forum that I have found distasteful... I always try to control my urge to post a scathing reply. The best method is simply let the thread "die" as most members here are similarly inclined.
Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?
First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,446 members. Get inside and you will see.
It's not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed.
Many come here for advice or to give advice 🗣, others have found good friends 🤗, and there are also those who have found love 💓. Most of all, people are honest and truly care.
Privacy is very important - the website has many features that are only visible to members.
Create an account and you will be amazed.
I most certainly read the post....and saw a person speak their beliefs which were not the same as yours....which if I remember correctly is okay.....we do not all have to think exactly alike.....how boring would that be?
If you read for deeper meaning I do not believe there was any negative commentary on people of faith.......rather on people that feel the need to foist their beliefs on others. There is a difference. It is okay to live your life as you wish and even to express your views (well it's okay with me)....but when a person makes it known that they are not open to sharing those views then there is no need to get upset or angry about it. You can have faith in many things......I do not for one minute believe that is what irritated him. You can be passionate about something without being a pest.
You said if you "attacked" anything it was his "rudeness"......you do not think it is rude to attack him for speaking up? Perhaps it could have been said differently......but why are his "beliefs" less worthy of defending?
You joined this site hoping to find some compassion and understanding....but only wish to share it with people that think like you? People are people with or without a bag and people are people whatever they choose to believe. It is not our place to judge.....and anyone that considers themselves to be a true believer should know that.
Whether or not I like a person is not decided by what they choose or do not choose to believe in....I have found you miss out on a lot of wonderful people if you do.
Good luck to you also....and best wishes. No conditions put on that....and that is how it should be.
Shelia
We are all adults and it is not necessary that we approve everything posted. I reserve the right not to read things I find offensive, and dismiss them immediately. No one can make you read or believe anything. In real life, I simply walk away and distance myself from the speaker. I find myself constantly dealing with people who offend my sensibilities. That's life!
Yes, I am with BeyondAPA. That was pretty disturbing to write, so I am cursed. I have learned to love my Chezza. She is like a small cherry tomato. If you read about the amazing digestive system, you might think differently. I won't say I haven't had sex. I did keep my t-shirt on, but that was testing and wasn't worried about the t-shirt. If you understand that, it makes me feel really down when I hear such negative things like freak and despise. I think other people in here are doing it hard too. Not listening to this shit again. I am really pissed off.
Vicbear13 ~ Wow, you sure started an interesting thread. As for intimacy, I have experienced that intimacy grows only when I remember in every fiber of my being that I always only perceive part of the one I want to intimately connect with, and interestingly enough, the twists and turns of this thread illustrate how fragile intimate connections can be when the essence of the following story is forgotten:
John Godfrey Saxe's (1816-1887) version of an ancient story:
It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.
The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"
The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, -"Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"
The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"
The Fourth reached out his eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he,
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"
The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Then, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"
And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!
So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!
Ok, I think I have got it now. I was very confused but have finally realized where I went wrong. If I get on and promote my atheism in a positive way in response to people's posts, I will not be railed at by others of different beliefs? Of course, I would, but and so I should because it does not belong here. But there is the paradox in this whole situation. And I have once AGAIN read the original post I commented on, and if that is not a sermon, I am not here.
Which brings me, as you said MMSH, to my post and the purpose of it, and as far as I am concerned, I stated that quite clearly. I don't believe forums of this type should be utilized as a platform to promote theological beliefs when they clearly do not have any relevance to the matter at hand. But then again, it seems to be ok to offend atheists, but woe betide someone who offends some Christians. Still not a word on the other post I highlighted MMSH? A surprise? No. Once again, I will only post what you term positive comments and ignore all the negative ones I read quite often. If only it would cut both ways when it comes to religion, but alas, this place is not much different to many in the world today judging by your comments. Toe the line or you will be ostracized.
As I said in my previous post, my Christian friends would not be part of this soapbox preaching (someone else's words, by the way), and a few have actually laughed when I showed them this thread. They are a little different to some here and realize that there is a time and a place for their beliefs. Mine included.
Bye
Ken
Oh my! Looks like I've missed a lot of interesting discussion on the forums while I've been so busy these last two weeks or so.
I did want to opine that it would probably be totally cool to engage in theological discussion and debate in the "Let's Talk" section, without fear of any backlash. If people feel like they are being preached to, it can make any situation extremely uncomfortable and I speak from personal experience (both as the preacher, unfortunately, and the preach-ee from time to time). =P
It goes without saying that some of us are so extremely devoted to our respective faiths that it can be a bit too easy to forget that not everyone thinks as we do, and that not everyone is as interested in our holy books as we might be. This is human folly, and shouldn't be a serious deterrent to enjoying an exchange of ideas, or friendly conversation.
Having said that, since everyone else is throwing their ideas into the mix, here are mine:
~I love God.
~I love sex with my ostomate partner.
~I love atheists, Hindus, Jewish folks, Buddhists, Wiccans, neo-Pagans, Shintoists, Catholics, Christians, agnostics, etc.
We're all in this together, let's try to remember that.
Just putting my two cents in because it seems like everyone else has!
I reckon Kenny T was just trying to have the last word there but thanks Tiggy, you seem to have put a plug on that!
And "three", there is never a post of yours that I don't think WTF?! LOL!
Methinks Kenny mate perhaps you're feeling a bit pissed off at this time of year, being Christmas and all, perhaps all atheists are like that around December (and Easter for that matter - sorta like being a bastard on Father's Day, LOL!).
Two cents over with,
To all (except the atheists of course) I wish you a very Merry Christmas!
Be of good cheer one and all,
Jo xox
I would like to know the real reason you decided to look in on this site? We all need positive feedback, you need to take a real look at the person you are. Do you enjoy being negative and what if you were the person with the stoma. We want our life to be as normal as possible, if you do not like what you see here. No one made you do it! God help you.
Hey Seasoned, I did not just check in here and I did have a stoma. Actually, a couple of them, but that is a moot point.
Take care.
Ken.
I'm glad you have shared your angst. I feel I was punished by
God at times. Not one man has been faithful, nice or honest
after I tell them. Easy to get laid. Impossible to have him be dedicated in the long term. I feel you. But now I'm looking to date only ostomates. I agree with Chris dating someone without an ostomy can be almost emotional masochism. In my experience as well, I get treated like dirt after they find out. No more flowers. No more concerts, dinners, parties or theme parks. Just put downs of how they want 'normal' sex with someone 'normal'. So now I refuse to torture myself with a man who has no clue what life is like with a bag. From now on I will only date ostomates. Chris, maybe dating another ostomate will ease your emotional pain due to having this ostomy. There are so many attractive women on here you may be surprised that a beautiful ostomate woman has been waiting just for you...her entire life! Who knows? She may want to make love to you 3+ times/day the sex will be so good! So consider dating an ostomate female. You may look to God later and thank Him, not curse Him for keeping you alive with this ostomy and be purchasing a lot of Cialis to keep up with your ostomate girlfriend. Don't give up. Someone out there needs your love!!!!!
I'm glad you have shared your angst. I feel I was punished by
God at times. Not one man has been faithful, nice or honest
after I tell them. Easy to get laid. Impossible to have him be dedicated in the long term. I feel you. But now I'm looking to date only ostomates. I agree with Chris dating someone without an ostomy can be almost emotional masochism. In my experience as well, I get treated like dirt after they find out. No more flowers. No more concerts, dinners, parties or theme parks. Just put downs of how they want 'normal' sex with someone 'normal'. So now I refuse to torture myself with a man who has no clue what life is like with a bag. From now on I will only date ostomates. Chris, maybe dating another ostomate will ease your emotional pain due to having this ostomy. There are so many attractive women on here you may be surprised that a beautiful ostomate woman has been waiting just for you...her entire life! Who knows? She may want to make love to you 3+ times/day the sex will be so good! So consider dating an ostomate female. You may look to God later and thank Him, not curse Him for keeping you alive with this ostomy and be purchasing a lot of Cialis to keep up with your ostomate girlfriend. Don't give up. Someone out there needs your love!!!!!
I think my husband leaving me because of my ileostomy has made me feel unlovable.
I dread rejection as I know what it feels like.
I would not dare think of a relationship with a man unless it was platonic.
Leah x
It starts with your attitude about life and not just your stoma. I would be willing to bet that you are negative about almost everything. If you can say one positive thing each day and build on that, you might, in 100 years, come full circle.
Hi everyone ,
nbsp; I know this is an old post on a very serious and problematic aspect of having an Ostomy ....any physical nbsp; "correction" which involves shit or urine or nasty bodily fluids possibly coming into contact with a Loved one or even a Not so loved one . Some people must depend on another person to remove a shitty bag or clean up after a burst shitty bag dumps your shit all over a bed , a floor or on top of the Loved One while having sex or fooling around . This is now a fact of our lives , nothing is going to change it !! My Brother often mentions to me how amazing medicine is becoming and a person may soon be able to have a custom made Colon ( etc, etc ..) nbsp; grown for them in a lab . This will not help those with an Immune disorder which will attack the new Colon , just as it attacked the old one. Your body has to accept it as Your body part. I could sarcastically answer him with ..." that's not going to help me .." nbsp; but what I say is by that point stem cell research and Gene Therapy will be able to fix this Immune system problem a well , the glass is half full , not half empty !! The pain and suffering we go through are the foundations upon which future medical breakthroughs are built. I was one of the first people to have a nbsp; " J Pouch " constructed in Walnut Creek California in the mid 80's . It worked well for a number of years and I should have had it removed or disconnected as soon as Pouchitis first developed . Instead I stuck with it for many years and was told that it could get better , then it was " my own fault " nbsp; that it was not working , blaming the victim you might say . My bad experiences paved the way for many developments since then . The bags were really crap in those days , a plastic clip held it closed at the bottom. That clip broke many times and dumped a whole bag of liquid shit down my leg more times than I care to remember. Bags and Wafers , adhesives and closures are so much better now . All these improvements were built on the pain and suffering of earlier Ostomates . nbsp
nbsp; "Past Member " wrote that some things are worse than death and I must agree that in some scenarios that is true , just my personal opinion . Being in a " Locked In " condition , you know and see what's happening but cannot move or speak, just move your eyes , now that would be a fate worse than death ( for me ) . Worse than death is in the eye of the beholder . For a long time I woke up every morning , looked in the mirror and asked .." why couldn't I just have died , my heart stopped , I was unconscious for a couple of weeks and nobody knew if I would ever wake up or if my mind would be in tact when I did wake up , they should just have let me die . I really believed that and was miserable for a very long time . I thought about helping things along and killing myself many times. Then I thought , you can kill yourself at any old time but right at that moment life was preferable but still left that option on the table. Choosing to live is a decision that can be changed , choosing to Die is a decision that Cannot be changed , when it's done it's done. nbsp
nbsp; I should write a log just about this experience in detail but I will give you the abbreviated version right now . As I rode my bike across the Golden Gate Bridge one morning about 7 AM going for my morning bike ride , a beautiful, perfect San Francisco early Fall day , no fog , perfect blue skies , beautiful views from the bridge of the city that I love I had a rare and life changing nbsp; encounter . As I biked around the North tower I screeched to a halt , literally ( I'm fast on the bike !! ) . There was a person with long blonde hair standing on the painters platform ( like a small train track ) on the SF side of the bridge . Her long blonde hair was blowing straight up with the updraft at the tower . She held on with one hand and her feet were on the outer track , next step was the rushing very cold water current flowing out to the Pacific , almost a 250 foot drop from rail to water . I stopped beside her , I could reach out and touch her she was that close . She wore a long cloth coat which blew in the wind like her hair . AT first I didn't believe my own mind which told me she was going to jump so I said , that's a pretty dangerous place to get the best view of the city , maybe you should come back in here , take my hand I'll help you down . She just turned her head slightly , not enough to get a full view of her face as her long hair whipped up and down and around her face . I could have grabbed the long coat but , what if she was just messing and not really intending to jump ??? nbsp; she could slip out of her coat and fall if I grabbed it . I had something less than ten minutes to talk her down . A lady jogging on the bridge ( just one person , the bridge was empty , just cars whizzing by ) stopped and I told her to get the bridge patrol and I would keep an eye on the Blonde lady on the rail. nbsp
nbsp; The Coast Guard Station is on the beach very near the bridge and soon I could see them scrambling with their gear , hopping into the ver fast nbsp; rescue boat . Then I looked up and the lady had let go nbsp; of the rail with both hands . She held her arms out at full stretch and looked straight ahead at the postcard perfect view of Alcatraz , the white beach of Crissy Field , the beautiful woodland of the Presidio , Angel Island in the middle of the Bay . She stood there for maybe a minute or two , just standing being buffeted by the updraft of cool morning air . This was the quintissential San Francisco Fall morning , so perfect, so beautiful , the reason so many people come here and never want to leave . nbsp
nbsp; She turned her face to the cloudless blue sky as she lifted her two feet simultaneously off the narrow rail and leapt out from the rail . She was looking straight up as her body cleared the track and she was on her back , coat fluttering in the wind , her hair flying up and whipping around her head . My first thought was that the big coat might act as a parachute and break her fall a little . My next thought was how quietly she seemed to drift off the bridge , she made no sound , no scream , no arms flailing , no hands grasping for salvation , trying to take back her decision to jump . She was totally silent and seemed to be resigned to her fate , to the fate she had chosen for herself , resigned to the fact that she was just about to die . It felt like forever , her fall , seemed like slow motion , so much was going through my mind as she got smaller and smaller , as she came closer to her death . I think I thought , she is alive right now , right this minute but I know and she knows that she will be dead , just a bag of dead bones inside a dead cold skin in less than 30 seconds but it felt like 30 minutes . I wondered what she might be thinking as she floated through the air , she apparently didn't regret doing it ?? nbsp; was she talking to her God , asking to be forgiven for not wanting the life that her God gave her , for wanting to give her life back , was she just Defective and had to be sent back to the Baby ( life ) nbsp; producing " factory " . Did she feel guilt at giving back her gift of life ??? I had time in those seconds to think of all kinds of things between her jumping and the moment she hit the waves , I wondered what she was thinking , maybe nothing at all, maybe thankful that her troubles were nbsp; now over , her pain and mental anguish would stop as soon as her body hit the water , water that is as hard as concrete when falling into it at that speed . Water that scrambles your insides like scrambling an egg , smashes your brain into your skull , like hitting a wall at 80 miles an hour without an airbag . nbsp
nbsp; Just as I saw the huge splash of white water fly up in a circle around her body nbsp; the Coast Guard was almost there . They must have seen her from their station to have launched the rescue boat so quickly . nbsp; She was quickly being pulled out under bridge by the very fast current that flows when the tide is going out . The Coast Guard boat circled and cut her off as they quickly scooped her body out of the fast flowing nbsp; current and zoomed off to the beach . Letterman hospital ( Military and no longer there ) was right there , just off the beach so they probably took her ther , maybe two minutes from the beach .
nbsp; I walked my bike back over the bridge to the bridge police offices. The officer's response was ...." Another one , Here you go , just fill out this incident statement and someone may be in touch , have a nice day ." nbsp; ( paraphrasing but close to verbatim ).
nbsp; nbspThe next day the California Highway Patrol called me at home and verified that I had witnessed the insident and there was nobody else involved , etc . He was much nbsp; nicer than the Bridge Police ( CHP are very courteous ) and heard my concern and trauma from what I had seen. nbsp; He said the woman had lived through the night but had succumbed to her injuries that morning . He said that when people fall, as she did , on their back there is little chance of surviving . When people manage to land feet first there is better than a slim chance of surviving with broken limbs , she didn't have much of a chance . He said her insides were all smashed up . nbsp; She had tried to kill herself before , he said there had been at least one other incident . nbsp
nbsp; nbspThat was the day I realized that as they say , " where there is life there is hope ", when life is gone there can be NO hope , it's done and cannot be undone . Most of our life problems , mistakes , most of our fuck ups ( sorry , I'm Irish , the F word is just punctuation for Irish and English people !!! ) , most of the problems we create for ourselves or those nbsp; that are heaped on our shoulders without our participation or consent ...most of them can be fixed if given enough time . During that time we may be humiliated or fearful , stressed and depressed , sick and tired of being sick and tired as they say !! nbsp; None of those things, those feelings , those disappointments , the things you believe you will never get over , the failures whether personal or business ...none of them last as long as Being Dead !!! nbsp; If that lady had received counselling , or drug treatment or some other intervention she might be alive today , with children or grandchildren . nbsp; nbsp
nbsp; I have had many setbacks and failures , lost dreams and lost hopes and a lot of lost time when I felt so sorry for myself . When I felt that my pain was MINE , not yours , not the Other person with an Ostomy , sure they have their pain and suffering but that is Their burden , I have my own personal, unique burden , I am not built like them so my pain is different , unique to me so don't try to demonize me or make me feel guiolty about complaining about my pain . You deal with yours as you see fit and I will deal with my own as I see fit and right now I feel like my life has been stolen from me , my future is gone , I can Not and never will be loved for ME , how could anyone want or love ME , I'm a wreck physically and a bit or a wreck emotionally , who could want that , who would want to share that nbsp; ??
nbsp; I felt like that for quite a long time . I had my Vicoden to slow my output ( nbsp; from my nbsp; J-Pouch ) , to stop me crying from the intractible pain in my ass caused by burning , scorching stomach acid . My paim was unlike anyone else's pain , my pain was different and I was very , very angry about this . Then I discovered that a few glasses of wine after the Vicoden was even better , I could actually eat without crying with pain in the bathroom as I shit lightning bolts and broken glass out my ass . This was not all the time but way too often to allow me to feel and be " Normal " . nbsp
nbsp; Fast forward ......
nbsp; I looked at dating sites for Ostomates and was going to try and create one ( never got around to it lol ) nbsp; . I wrote to lots of women and made some great long distance friends with whom I could share my fears , loves , hates and just general life stuff. nbsp
nbsp; Then one day , out of the blue I hit the Jacpot , my ship finally came in and I had a personal invitation to climb aboard ....I found my other half, my Soulmate , my Lover and my Best Friend . nbsp
This is way too long . I will save this as a Blog after I put it out here . nbsp; Have a look at my Blogs , If you feel interested and I LOVE to get comments . Everything I write is honest and true for good or bad and from my own personal experience . nbsp
All the best to everyone . I hope the future has been good to you since you wrote about your misery as an Ostomate , I hope you found your life and you are living it .
Eamon, nbsp; aka nbsp; Magoo XOXO
You guys are too funny!! Love a great sense of humor!! Besides, we gotta stick together! I found a bag that is round and no bigger than the wafer. It's opaque lined. It's made especially for intimacy and even swimming/jacuzzi. There's no clip either. It's fantastic! I'm trying to upload a pic of the product but, it's not allowing me!! I'll post the pics of the product in my profile and leave them there for a week or so!
Hi, I would suggest writing to some interesting ladies on this site. There are so many pretty ladies here, intelligent and quite chatty. You will feel a connection to someone if you persevere.
I had three blissful, loving years with my sweetie, Kitty. I met her on an Ostomy site and after a fairly short time we made that connection and knew we had to be together.
I am in Ireland and Kitty was in Silicon Valley, California. Would you have thought this could happen and it would work!!! Kitty had just 18 inches of her small intestine left and no colon, and she was the most kind, compassionate person you could meet and so pretty. She was an SLP, Speech and Language Pathologist, and specialized in working with 3 to about 10-year-olds. She helped so many little children communicate with the world. Many would come in mute and leave speaking again.
Hang in there and communicate, be nice and polite and you will get responses. You will know it when you feel it.
Eamon