A Terrible Loss

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Mayoman

My Heart is Broken...... Torn and tattered .

The Loss Profound ,

my world is shattered.

The Hole in my Heart will never Heal

My Love for Estrid never leaves

My Heart My Soul

My every Thought

Is with her

in her in her Lonely

Haunt.

My tears flow .............I cry.....for Estrid , for me, for my Dear Brother whose life is Broken into a nillion pieces.

His Love is Gone.

-----------------

I Love You EstridRIP XOXO

My Brother's young wife , 54 , just dropped dead from a hidden heart defect and my world is shattered . I loved her like a Sister but she was even more to me , she was my friend , my confidante, the Rudder that kept me on an steady course. She helped immensely in my life and the world will be a darker, more lonely place without Estrid to brighten it for us.

I don't know what I will do without her , despair at the unfairness of it. If there is a God someplace out there he/she has one sick sense of humor. Allowing a person to struggle and fight to get their business going , get their life in order and prepare for a comfortable retirement after working ....then when the time has come for taking a break and enjoying lefe and the fruits of their hard labor ....Estrid is snatched away in an instant and our world is changed forever. My poor Brother will never be the same .

Please get your Heart checked ,...this is way more common ( Hidden Heart Defects ) than we might think.....your own life may be the one you save.

Thanks for reading , I just had to write something in Estrids memory...A Lovely Gentle Soul is no more.

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xnine

My sincerest sympathy.

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Past Member

What a deeply sad poem.Not many people have the privilege of knowing someone who have impacted our lives on so many levels.May your strength to endure come from beautiful memories you share with your family.So sorry to hear your pain.xxxxcooltronti

Mayoman

Thank You Zine. Estrid was a Force of Nature and meant so much to so many people . I had to acknowlege her life. I'm in Ireland so I did not get the chance to say goodbye. and this is the hardest part.

Thanks again Zine.

Mayoman

Thank You Ms A . Time will heal some of me but the rest of me will be left empty.

Thanks again Ms A...XO

 
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Past Member

What sad news! My condolences.

Mayoman

Thank You B, Not being able to say goodbye is the worst part. San Francisco will never be the same for me on my frequent visits. We have lost a lovely person but she will never be forgotten.

Thanks again B...Eamon XO

Bill

Hello Eamon. I feel so sorry for your loss and offer my sincere condolences. It is often useful to express such strong emotions in verse and yours is much appreciated as it bring back fond memories for me.

Best wishes Bill

Mayoman

Thank You Bill, I have to say that I have never felt such pain in my heart . We used to butt heads in the arly days but I told her not to let things fester...if either one has a problem with the other then lets just sit and chat and fix it . After that we became very close friends . I just wish I could have said goodbye and held her hand to see her on her journey.

Estrid was a Donor so several people will have a new healthy life ahead of them because of her kind heart.

Thank You Bill,Eamon

vdahl

I understand that your heart(s) hurt and I agree... the timing is ANYTHING but 'fair'. My heart hurts for you and her family. The poem is beautifully written, as is the explaination of Estrid's passing. You will never forget the beauty she brought to your life... hold on to the memories. She is forever in your heart. The fact that she's a donor is a tribute her selflessness... well done Estrid!

Thank you too for the reminder to check our hearts and other health issues. We tend to take too much for granted.

My sincere condolences, Vicki

chestnut

My heart goes out to you. Such a beautiful tribute. Estrid was fortunate to have such a deep, beautiful soul in her corner. We are here if you need us. Keep reaching out. Lorelei

Mayoman

Thank You Vicki, I've been thinking of the fortunate things. When they reached their house in San Francisco my Brother went to park ...when Estrid always did that. If the car had gone out of control on a San Francisco hill many people could have been killed so this is another fortunate situation. When I finally got the whole story it turns out she did not hit her head. She simply fell asleep in a chair and left us , peacefully..this means so much , she had no panic, no fear, no suffering. I think I can live with that. I'm so happy that we did not argue when I saw her last. WHen I left and flew to Ireland she just smiled that lovely smile and gave me a kiss on the cheek...my last and fondest memory of my lovely friend.

Thanks again Vicki. Your responses have really helped me work through this..Xo

Mayoman

Thank You Lorelie , Thank you for your lovely response to my post. The pen hit the page and those words were suddenly on the page. As I said to Vicki we parted with a kiss on the cheek and a big smile the last time I saw her , a few months ago and that will be my memory ...her big wonderful smile and the warm hug . She will be sadly missed by many people who loved her very much. We talked about death many times and she wanted her death to be meaningful so she became a Donor to give life and newfoundhealth to several lucky people . She lives on in those people.

Thank you again Lorelie....you guys helped a lot.

Eamon Xo

Puppyluv56

I am so sorry for your loss! It is unimaginable to lose someone so ingrained in our everyday life! Hugs and Prayers for you and your Brother as you find your way through the grief!

dadnabbit

Eamon, I am SO SORRY for your loss. There are NO words that can offer comfort when our wounds are so new and raw. I am glad for you to know that she passed quietly and peacefully.It is always those of us left behind that suffer the pain of permanent loss. My heart breaks for your brother in this moment of his horrific loss. Please try, hard as it is, to stay strong

Peace

Nancy

Past Member

Thank You Nancy.. i seems to have tears in my eyes all the time .. i will accept it when I go there and sit in her chair, the chaishe was sitting in ..

Mayoman

Hi Nancy , I have never felt such a deep crushing pain as I feel right now Nancy. Estrid was so special to me. I actually met her first and was instantly drawn to her. We got the Victorian in SF around 1992 and strid moved in next door. She asked me to hook up her stereo and I obliged. When I saw how well Peter and Estrid got on I knew they were meant to be and watched their love bloom. He depended on Estrid so much I can't even imagine his grief at Estrid's loss . It's been more than a week and Peter still can't bring himself to talk. I don't think I would be able to get out two words to be honest.....I would just wind up in tears. We were a team, the three of us when I visited and I seemed to be more in SF than in Ireland. I still think of SF as my home and right now even mnoreso.

San Francisco will never be the same for either of us without Estrid. We worked on that house together for years to get it restored and Estrid would roll up her sleeves and get stuck in the dust and the painting etc etc.

I would give her Birthday and Christmas presents and when I would go back months later ....there were the gifts...still wrapped , never touched. When I finally asked her if she didn't like the gift she explained. She left the gifts wrapped so that when she was feeling a bit down she would always have a box to open and cheer herself up !!I thought she didn't like them !!!I'm really glad that I asked her. We would meet like passing ships in the night when I was heading to the bathroom and she was escaping my Brother's snoring to lie on the couch for a while . Sometimes we would sit and chat about all kinds of things.

Time will make it a bit easier bu I will not feel that I've said Goodbye until I get to SF and I can see where she left us . I've sat in that chair many times but now all I can see is Estrid sitting there but not there.

I've watched several people die and my thought every time is ..."Where did you go?? Where did that vibrant , gregarious personality go to ? I thought I would be gone long before Estrid , she was about 8 years younger and it still doesn't seem real to me. . Estrid lives on in the many ways she touched everyone she knew .

You are sadly missed Estrid , Rest in Peace Sweetie , I Love you.

Thank You Nancy, I really appreciate your lovely, kind words Nancy. XO

Gaostomyguy

I'm so sorry

Mayoman

Thank you for the reply. Evem mow I'm still in shock from this horror,

freedancer

Very sorry for your family's loss. May God give you peace and welcome this lovely woman into His open arms!

Past Member

Hi , thank you so much for your kind words. . I worry about my Brother but we are all there for him when he needsus. I'm still trying to accept this new reality. I'm in hospital mysef at the moment. . I knew that I might be so travelingis out right now . Otherwise I would be in SF. Mysituation will be resolved soon.

Byeè... Eamon .

Past Member

Hi , I was looking at some past messages and I got tears in my eyes when I saw this just now . Little did I know that in October two years later I would lose my sweet Kitty in almost identical circumstances, these posts sent a shiver down my spine . At that time I thought I knew what this kind of loss felt like for the person left behind , I thought I had some idea of what it's like . Well I must say that I had absolutely No Idea what my Brother was feeling until I had this horrible experience myself . A shattered and broken heart does not even come close .

Just as Peter and Estrid were about to start a new life with enough resources to retire early and possibly go and live in Hawaii , I was so excited and happy for them . Peter is such a good person , Estrid used to give him a hard time because he would give clients money out of his own pocket if they were stuck ( he mainly worked on labour disputes so people would be without an income while the case was ongoing. ) . Estrid did the books so she had to look out for the money but was a sweetie . When I spoke to Kitty on that Video chat just ten minutes before we lost her forever we were looking at houses to buy . She had found the perfect house with an in-law unit where the kids could live. She was going to continue working but had almost enough resources to retire early and do private work helping people who had a hard time being understood at work or in their social life . She had quite a few private clients and when she was working with someone in her office there was always laughter and joy between her and the client . They just loved her and her sessions were more like fun and happy visits . The clients always had a big smile when leaving. Actually one of her clients had just about perfect pronunciation but still insisted that he wanted to continue with his sessions , he just loved the interactions he had with Kitty and I think it may have been smitten by Kitty's disarming charm and innate happiness which were infectious . We were talking about getting this house and I would build them a greenhouse to grown fresh veggies , maybe even put in a hot tub !! It was such a wonderful time for us both , as with my Brother , ready to start a whole new life. I told Kitty that I would keep my little house in Ireland which I just finished renovating to accomodate Kitty's two children , all four of us . I put in Oak flooring and a new kitchen ( she loved baking and cooking ) with a huge granite countertop over an 8 foot long Kitchen Island . She was so excited about going back to Ireland to stay with me when school finished , her kids also .

I am now living , for the next few months with Peter in his house in the Redwoods in Marin County across the Golden Gate . This time last year I had no clue that we would be living here and would have lost both Kitty and Estrid . We are still mourning together but doing work on his house to keep us occupied . We can even chat a little about Estrid and Kitty and even tell some funny stories from our happy memories with these twowonderful ladies . Estrid and Kitty were the same age when they left us and ten years younger than us . I can smile a bit at my sweet memories but I will never be the same again , as with Petera very important part of me is missingand can never be replaced .

Live your life with love and share your love with those around you , life is too short to worry about trivia so live your life and don't sweat the small stuff .

Love to all the gang out there .

Eamon

Bill

Hello Eamon.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and such sound advice, which is well-worth repeating!

"Live your life with love and share your love with those around you , life is too short to worry about trivia so live your life and don't sweat the small stuff" .

Best wishes

Bill

Past Member

Hi Bill and thank you for your wonderful responses to the things I write , I love reading your thoughts on what I write. We are still reeling from these sad eventsbut we are helping each other adjust to our new reality. I'll post a couple of pics of the house here in the woods of Marin . Gotta hit the hay now .

All the best Bill...Erin go bradhTake care of yourself and stay healthy my friend .

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