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Posted by Angelicamarie, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 8:38 am

The ADA defines a person with a disability as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that Substantially limits one or more major life activity. This includes people who have a record of such an impairment, even if they do not currently have a disability.

Last year I went to wal-mart and quickly found a handicapped parking space, and yes I have a handicapped placard.  After parking and exiting my vehicle, there was an angry women sceamimg at me.  Her window was rolled down and she said I took her handicapped spot.   She assumed that I was faking because she didnt know what existed underneath my clothing required special attention.  Nor did she know that as soon as I entered the store the waste that I carried had to be empied.

After my purchases I exited the store and there was a note underneath my windsheild wiper."it read" I'm handicapped and your not! that was a space reserved for handicapped only. She looked for a visable disabilty, but not all are, Just because people can't see, they presume your prentending.

The reality is we didnt do this to ourselves. some were born with the problem, some encountered it early and late in life.  Were not alone and if we choose we have each other.

Take Care





Reply by xnine, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:15 am

I was at a football game and the attendant at the handicap washroom would not let me in since I was not in a wheelchair. Insisted I needed some kind of card. Good thing it was not an emergency.

Reply by Puppyluv56, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:21 am

That is really sad! Unfortunately, people do judge by the outside of our package! I too have a handicap placard! While undergoing chemo and surgery, I could barely walk from the car to the building. Looking at me, you would see nothing to indicate that and I sometimes feel guilty that I use the handicap space but I do realize that I am as handicapped am anyone else that shows it on the outside! I park elsewhere most of the time because I need the exercise of the walk but some days, I am just to pooped to do it! 


Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:59 am

It's a shame that you had to go through that, Angel.  And it's very unfortunate that some people believe a disability has to be visible in order to qualify as one.  Your last line said it all, though.  We do have each other on this site...and one thing we all know is that people on here DO understand..and that is a GREAT thing!  I feel very privileged to have talked to so many super people on here, who have all helped me get through things more than they probably know.

It's kinda funny now when I look back, but after the cancer, chemo, surgery, etc....It didn't even occur to me that I qualified for a handicapped sticker. The doctor didn't mention it.   I never paid that much attention to who parked in those spaces.  I just knew I couldn't...and that was all the thought I gave it.  When I actually had a good reason and qualified to be able to use those spaces, it didn't occur to me to get a sticker.  I suffered through a lot of long, unnecessary and very painful walks because of that...and I blew my one chance for great parking!  How bad is that? Pitiful... just pitiful!   lol 


Reply by Bill, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 2:16 pm

Hello Angelicamarie. Another first class post! Of course, we are not the only ones whose disabilities are not readily apparent to outsiders. Personally, I would have verbally accosted the lady when she first mentioned it. I have done this on several occasions and where necessary I have produced the documentary evidence and shamed the people into learning a bit more about disabilties that are not visible.   Interstingly, one of my stories surrounding this issue forms part of my present book so (even though it's a bit long for a post)  I'll copy and paste it just to share.



“There are few people on this earth
who have less sense than a jobs-worth.”

My first true story is one of my favourites, not only because it encompasses misfortune, toilet humour and filth, but it epitomises the concept of an embarrassing disaster almost entirely caused by a security guard with a ‘jobs-worth’ attitude. (Always good for a laugh when the consequences of their obstructiveness rebound on them)
When viewed from a historical perspective, this story gets more amusing to me each time I tell it.
I will not bore you with the gory preliminary details but, there was a time in my not too distant past when, due to a botched surgical operation, I was left chronically incontinent of faeces.

For anyone who does not know about this type of chronic condition, it is not immediately visually apparent, that faecal incontinence is a serious disability which requires immediate attention in much the same way that a heart attack, stroke or anaphylactic shock might require.
As you might imagine, this was not an easy condition to manage, either practically or from an emotional, psychological and social perspective.
After several personally embarrassing incidents, I was beginning to get the hang of managing the condition by a combination of knowing exactly where every local toilet was situated; anally irrigating at regular intervals and wearing anal plugs to give me a fighting chance of making it to the nearest toilet in time.

On the occasion in question, I happened to be in a local superstore shopping, when the dreaded feeling came over me and I knew that I needed to get to a loo in a hurry.
The obvious place to cater for this type of emergency was to use the toilet for disabled people, which I had done successfully on several previous occasions, in other locations.
Unfortunately, this time there was a large male security guard standing between me and the toilet and he made it clear that he was not going to let me use the facility.
I quickly and politely explained, that I was incontinent and that I needed to use the toilet in a hurry but he stood his ground, saying that he did not believe I was ‘disabled’.
What do you do in such circumstances? I protested and tried to persuade the guard that there would be ‘consequences’ if he did not allow me access to the toilet immediately. The more I protested, the more resolute he became, stating that there was no way he was going to let me use the disabled toilet and that I should find somewhere else to go.
Unbeknown to him, I usually had a proverbial two-minute warning before the ‘bomb’ dropped.
The anal plug gave way and the build-up of warm, wet crap flushed down my trouser legs, ending up in a smelly heap on my shoes and the surrounding floor.
Those of you from rural areas might be able to relate to this by imagining standing in a large wet cow pat, except for the fact that this crap was also coagulating in my underpants and seeping through my trousers legs which would have made my walking gait a bit like a demented crab.
Now! One of the things about having such a catastrophe happen in a food store is that it becomes an immediate health and safety issue, as well as being a stinking, embarrassing mess for all concerned.
From my perspective, this was not the first time such an accident had occurred so I was relatively experienced in coping with the embarrassment and the mess.
However, the social dynamics of such an occurrence for those who were close by was instantaneously dramatic and overwhelming.
People were simultaneously disgusted, nauseated and panicking as they were trying to exit the store as if there had been a fire alarm.
Another aspect about the human public is that, if there is someone in a uniform present at a disaster, they assume that person will take control of the situation and sort it before it gets out of hand.
In this case, it was the guard who had precipitated the incident and who then did not quite know what to do about rectifying his mistake.
Not wishing to ‘rub it in’ by stating the obvious that “I told you so!”, I kept calm, stood stock still, shrugged and in a matter-of-fact manner, stated that I ‘still’ needed to access the disabled toilet to clean up.
This time, the guard was relieved to be semi-instructed on what should happen next, so he was only too willing to get me out of sight of the other customers. Thus, he allowed me instant access into the toilet.
Having the lower half of one’s body covered in crap is not at all pleasant and is not easy to clean up in the confines of a public toilet, especially if you haven’t brought anything to change into once you’ve disrobed.
Fortunately, in the age of mobile phones, calling for reinforcements does not pose the same sort of problems as it might have done in previous generations so, by the time I cleaned myself up, I was expecting the new clothes to arrive. (I always carry my mobile phone in a pouch above my waistline to avoid the obvious problems associated with having it in my trouser pockets.)
Meanwhile, I’m literally ’privy’ to the conversations going on right outside the toilet door, which involved the security guard protesting that he was ‘only doing his job’ and that it ‘wasn’t his fault’.
I presumed that it was the manager of the store who came to tell him to get the mess cleaned up as quickly as possible. She came to the door and asked me if I was ‘okay in there?’ I sarcastically replied that ‘I could have been better, as all this could easily have easily been avoided’. adding that ‘I hoped that the store would teach their staff that not all disabilities are overtly visible’.

My only real regret about this incident was that nobody recorded it on their phone for a YouTube clip, as I feel sure that, even without the reality of the accompanying smell, the footage would have been appreciated by that very discerning audience on the World Wide Web.

Any adverse incident was always worth a rhyming verse or two, so here’s one I penned on this subject once I got home:



There would be little that you’d lose
to walk a mile within my shoes.
But walk that mile within my pants,
you’ll soon desire to decant.

For I am one of just a few
who cannot hold onto their poo.
I do not do this with intent,
it’s just that I’m incontinent.

When you take your first big stride
you’ll surely wish that you could hide.
The shame upon your face will tell
of warm-wet feeling and the smell.

From that point on, your gait has changed.
You’ll walk along as if deranged.
Do you walk or do you run?
Either way, it’s not much fun.

You’ll pray to know, where is the loo?
Hoping no-one noticed you.
Then there is a greater fear
if you forgot your change of gear.

And if you did not think ahead
it’s now you’ll wish that you were dead.
Whilst on that edge of life’s abyss
how do you ask for help with this?

Who would want to get involved
so your problem gets resolved?
In this facile, selfish land
very few would understand.

If you try to just stand still
the nausea will make you ill.
The proverb will then live to prove
there’ll come a time you’ll have to move.

‘You’ will have to realise
help will not materialise.
So ‘You’ will have to take control
to loose ‘yourself’ from this hellhole.

When you’ve done this all alone
the proverb’s meaning will be shown.
Within my pants, you’ll start to know
there’s still most of that mile to go!

B. Withers 2011


Reply by Angelicamarie, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 3:36 pm

 Xnine...yes It was good it wasn’t an emergency. Thanks for your commments!


Reply by Angelicamarie, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 3:41 pm

Puppyluv56...I truly understand.  I don’t always park in  handicapped area, But I surely can with good reason.  Thanks for commenting!



Last edited by Angelicamarie on Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
Reply by Angelicamarie, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:12 pm

weirdnewlife... well that’s not the worst thing that could happen.  Yes I too am thankful for peeps on this site.  No it’s not pitiful , you just didn’t know. Thanks for your comments!


Last edited by Angelicamarie on Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
Reply by Angelicamarie, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:22 pm

Bill. I agree we’re not the only ones with hidden issues. I didn’t want to waste the energy , she was an older woman. My placard was visible, so I didn’t feel the need to take that further. 

The rhyme walk a mile in my shoe, was a nice one . Thanks for sharing!

Reply by Little Red, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 5:09 pm

I myself don't have a card,  I like to walk  but I do find parking as close as I can,  But I have a friend that had a leg amputated and when out with him one day  He drives,  A person made some ugly comments to him about taking up space and he should be reported,  My friend has long pants on that cover his appliance and  he has tennis shoes, So if you couldn't see  what was under his pants  you would never know.  He also has to use a electric cart in the stores as it is hard for him to walk  long distanceses.  So just ignor ignorent people  who have no understanding  And Keep Smiling.

Reply by Angelicamarie, on Wed Nov 28, 2018 6:37 pm

Little Red... yes your so right. People are very ugly at times.  I did ignore her, it takes less energy to cut up. I need my energy for good things . I sure hope your friend didn’t let that break his spirit.  Thanks for sharing!


Reply by Mrs.A, on Sat Dec 15, 2018 10:02 pm

Wow, If someone has a card, then no matter how they look it doesn't matter and it's legal. I understand because there are those who park there and don't have a card and should be removed. Sad that adults react in the worst way sometimes.

Reply by Angelicamarie, on Sun Dec 16, 2018 3:20 am

Mrs.A.  That's so true!

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