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Men vs women one liners

Posted by mild_mannered_super_hero, on Sat Jan 19, 2019 9:41 am

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it !

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy!

The wife's been hinting she wants something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots!

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me!

My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason!

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup!

My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface!

Reply by xnine, on Sat Jan 19, 2019 10:05 am

Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? They have no balls to scratch.

Reply by mild_mannered_super_hero, on Sat Jan 19, 2019 10:12 am


Reply by Puppyluv56, on Sat Jan 19, 2019 5:33 pm

You guys are bad!  Lol 

Reply by Xerxes, on Sun Jan 20, 2019 2:28 pm
Thanks to all!

Reply by dls, on Mon Jan 21, 2019 12:02 pm


Reply by Puppyluv56, on Mon Jan 21, 2019 7:06 pm

I know!  Right! 

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