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Posted: Sat Apr 13, 2019 4:11 pm

I am a widow--i have been talking to a fantastick guy online he is perfect, he wants to meet me--do I tell him I have an ileostomy before or after we meet face to face??I do not want o loose him at this point.Could some men tell me how they would like to learn this before or after face to face??Thanks

Posted: Sun Apr 14, 2019 12:44 pm

I haven't had many successful long term relationships,  but most ended after the discloser of the dreaded topic of my disfigurement.   I figure the general public have image perception, whether it's weight, height, colors or religion.  

I've tried both open disclosure and the matter of fact, and surprise!  If people have hang ups,  their going to run for the hills, or just resort to "let's be just friends ", and and some work others, not so much.  

My feeling is that it's better to be up front before emotions are assumed, or expectations are high, as the short fall is not as severe, but the landing is still painful. 

Michael 

Posted: Sun Apr 14, 2019 12:46 pm

I haven't had many successful long term relationships,  but most ended after the discloser of the dreaded topic of my disfigurement.   I figure the general public have image perception, whether it's weight, height, colors or religion.  

I've tried both open disclosure and the matter of fact, and surprise!  If people have hang ups,  their going to run for the hills, or just resort to "let's be just friends ", and and some work others, not so much.  

My feeling is that it's better to be up front before emotions are assumed, or expectations are high, as the short fall is not as severe, but the landing is still painful. 

Michael 

Posted: Mon Apr 15, 2019 10:49 am

sooziq,

  I've posted many times on this very subject.  The gist of it is, most men are very visual creatures.  And men aren't nearly as understanding as women are.  I personally have never had an issue with letting a woman know I have an ileostomy.  And I've never been rejected by a woman because of my ostomy.  Maybe it's because I exude confidence or it's because I have an "I don't give a fxck" attitude.

  I agree with Michael when he says be up front.  The sooner he knows, the better, regardless of any feelings you have for him or he for you.  You have a 50/50 chance that he's going to be a great guy and be understanding, or he could turn out to be a shallow prixk.  Whatever the case, consider your ileostomy an a$shole detector.  Kind of like the door test in the movie, "A Bronx Tale".  Just to refresh everyone's memory or for those of you that haven't seen it, see the quote from the movie below.

Sonny:   "Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, dump her."

Calogero:    "Just like that?"

Sonny:    "Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast."

  You have no idea how many women have failed that test...lol.  Of course with modern technology with auto locks and what not, it kinda takes the fun out of it.

  I wish you luck with your suitor.  The sooner he knows, the sooner you can either have a great relationship, or move on to the man you're supposed to be with.  We only go around this crazy world one time.  Why waste time dwelling on the what if's?  Just my 2 cents.

Bain

Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:00 am

I've always been open and told women straight away it's never been a problem there first words are usually I won't jump up and down on your stomach I always say you better or I'm gone lol, use humour make them feel relaxed and know that a stoma doesn't stop you doing anything they might not know much about ileostomy's....if they run and I don't expect they will then it wasn't meant to be and they weren't good enough for you with or without your ileostomy

Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2019 4:50 pm

Thank you I really like this man online and he wants to meet me I just do not want to be adisappointment with the ostomy.

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 12:15 pm

If he truly likes you and is attracted to you the Ostomy wont matter!. Maybe try some Lingerie also to spice it up!!!.

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 12:34 pm

Thanks Yep i just bought new things and a myheart coverup for pouch.Thankyou for your opinion he sure seems like a great man

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 1:13 pm

Honesty is always the best policy, and if someone can’t love you as you are then they really aren’t worth the effort or heartache. 

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 1:47 pm

Hello,

I don't feel the announcement of your physical condition is a topic for a first or second date.  If it goes further than that then you can broach the subject by starting the story with your illness and then life saving surgery.   I have had numerous women in my life and generally the subject was either never discussed if after a few dates I felt it wasn't going any where or if I felt there was a connection being made then I would bring it up, give a little back story, discuss removal of my colon and then the questions may come or not.  I really feel this is a conversation after a little repoire is established and not an in your face discussion. Never be needy and maintain your self confidence that is key.

 

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 1:49 pm

Hello,

I don't feel the announcement of your physical condition is a topic for a first or second date.  If it goes further than that then you can broach the subject by starting the story with your illness and then life saving surgery.   I have had numerous women in my life and generally the subject was either never discussed if after a few dates I felt it wasn't going any where or if I felt there was a connection being made then I would bring it up, give a little back story, discuss removal of my colon and then the questions may come or not.  I really feel this is a conversation after a little repoire is established and not an in your face discussion. Never be needy and maintain your self confidence that is key.

 

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 2:09 pm

Bigboreddave,

Thank you for your reply I figured we meet see if we still click and go from there.

Soozie

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 4:04 pm

Sooziq,

Good for you, take it slow and easy and then when it is the right time you will know it.  I've had my ostomy since 1978 so I've experienced quite a bit and have been through all kinds of weather.  Enough your self and have fun, you're a great looking women and deserve the best.

 

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 4:51 pm

Bigboredave,

Aww thanks sweet of you to say.Yes i have had my ileostomy for 42 years! i forget i have it till the littl shit tries to leak!!Have you lucked out and found a woman yet if I may ask?

 

Sooziq

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 5:00 pm

I have an Ileostomy and I know this is hard to deal with, I would like to know up front you have been talking on line for awhile and if he cares he will not mind or he may need more time. Good luck

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