Vaginal Intercourse Concerns After Ileostomy - Seeking Advice from Women with Similar Experience

Hello,

I'm soon to get an ileostomy but there's one thing putting me off massively! I've heard from a few women now that vaginal intercourse is either impossible, very sore, or (for lack of a better way to say it) can't go very deep after the surgery.

I've had appointments with my consultant and two stoma nurses who have never heard of this, but they also gave me a leaflet that said exactly my points in it?!

I feel like this is a massive gamble to be taking, especially considering no one can give me an answer?

I'd love some advice from women who have had this surgery to help me make my decision... I'm getting an ileostomy but leaving my anal stump (?) in place?

Please, someone help me!

Jennifer,

I may not be a woman, but I have to put my 2 cents worth in here. No pun intended.

Every patient will have different experiences. A majority of ileostomy surgeries go off without a hitch. I don't foresee you having an issue unless the surgeon is working on the wrong organs or is incompetent or you if you have an underlying issue.

I wouldn't recommend sex immediately after surgery. Give it at least 1-2 months to allow your body to heal. You don't want to risk getting a hernia and you will want to feel more normal before engaging in anything physically taxing, including sex or exercise. Again, just my 2 cents.

Bain

I would talk to many women who have had this surgery. The outcomes are different, but what I have heard is that it is a different feeling during sex when the rectum is removed. It is right next to the vagina, almost like a supporting wall. Let the surgeon know what your concerns are and find one that has a lot of experience in this area of the body, a woman's body.

Are they planning to leave in a rectal stump? That will support the pelvic floor a bit. That might be the difference between the issues you're describing and what the medical people are telling you to expect. I've had my rectal stump left in, have had no issues with vaginal sex or vaginal birth.

Never had any problems with rectal stump removed!
Everyone is different but I imagine what you have read is worst case scenario.
Puppyluv

Hi. I had my stump removed and my experience was some tightness during intercourse. Spoke to my Dr. and he suggested being on top. It definitely helps any pain or discomfort. Good luck to you!

I had my ileostomy surgery a year ago with a complete anal resection. I do not have a stump... no hole there either. He sewed up the empty cavity inside me so whatever was left in my innards would not sag down. I asked my surgeon... you mean I have nothing down there anymore... he said laughing... No worries, you still have a vagina and it will work just fine. Just be open with your surgeon. Some can work magic. Don't be afraid... my surgery saved my life.

Hi

It is my understanding that without your rectum to support your vagina when you lie on your back, your vagina may sag down a bit which means that your partner's penis will thump into your upper vaginal wall causing discomfort and bruising. It might be an idea to start easing yourself back into sex by standing up and bending over, so that your insides are not drooping down. Apologies for being so direct. I doubt that lying on your tummy with partner on top is a good idea at first as his weight could irritate your rectal stump wound. I have no experience of this but it makes logical sense. Hope this helps.

I have not been able to have vaginal sex since my ileostomy 5 years ago. It was the worst pain ever, and hurt for a few days after. It didn't matter what position. However, there are lots of other ways to have adult fun! Those work just fine.