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Don't worry about it till it happens

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:17 am
We are told, "Don't worry about it till it happens" but I decided to write here before about my worries about my up-coming CT scan to check for a cancer regrowth. I was very worried and then everything else went wrong.

My sister-in-law died very suddenly, my wife started to find our bedroom activities repulsive and I started to get very low. Well to cut a very long story short, I eventually went for the CT scan and got my results from my doctor. All that worrying had not changed the result one little bit, so the result would have been the same if I was worried or not, I need to see a oncologist to follow up on the growth they found to see what treatment options are available and to work out a plan of how to proceed from here.

Well at least I now have something concrete to worry about not just "WHAT IF", because it is IF". Don't get me wrong, I find ranting and raving here makes me feel a lot better to just let it out. I know that there are many here that have been through much worse and still are, it is that it is me now that is going through it now and I know me, I never knew the others that are suffering.

All in all, it is just a new passage in my life and while the lights are not turned on at this time, it could very well be the best time of my life down this passage, I have no option but to start this journey and at this time I have no idea what lies ahead. Many people have come out the other side as "survives" and some even as "winners' while a few have not made it through, I just need to start moving along the passage, discovering all there is to find and doing the best I can do to get to the other side.

Feel free to just ignore my rant, as I feel better just saying it here, as I can not speak like this away from here. Here we can say what we like about situations like this and many will understand. Thank you for lending me your ears [that should really be your eyes] and allowing me to get this off my chest.

I will write again later as I start to find out what lies ahead.

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:26 am
Hello Bob,
Thank you for your 'rant'. It cannot be ignored by me as I do believe that a good rant has a great therapeutic affect upon the inner self.  It also helps on occasions if I know that someone is listening and is also interested in what I'm ranting about.    I was tempted to say that I 'enjoyed' your rant but that seems the wrong thing to say to express how I felt. There needs to be a different set of words to express appreciation for a good rant. Perhaps between us we could think of some good, appropriate responses that express that inner satisfaction and appreciation for the expressions of others with similar feelings and experiences.
Keep ranting!
Best wishes
Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:40 am
Hey Bob - I know exactly how you feel not only am I an ostomate but I am also a Cancer Survivor.  When I was in my very early 20's ans late teens my Pap tests started to smear towards the beginnings of the cancer range. I had to be tested every three months to get biopsies  and receive various pre cancer treatments. Finally in my mid 20's it developed into full blown cervical cancer. Thank the Goddess that they had been watching me so closely - it had not spread into my lymph glands. So I had to have an almost total hysterectomy and then I had to be tested once again every three months. But I finally made it to the 5 year mark cancer free. Actually a large part of my Diverticulitis was due to an enormous amount of scar tissue from the cancer surgery. (Kind of ironic)  My advice to you is try not to worry - it will only bring your bodies natural defenses down (and it doesn't change the outcome as you know) - you need those to be able to kick the cancer is the ass, you need to fight the cancer on every front and convince yourself that you are going to come out the WINNER. I know that my positive attitude helped me with the cancer - I did a lot of living and laughing. Yes RANT at it and SCREAM at it BUT DON'T GIVE UP - you are STRONGER than the cancer - find friends and  family who will support you and not treat you any different because of the cancer. That is how I made it thru and am still alive today to love live laugh and harass the people that need it LOL
Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:31 pm
Bob, it’s not like we enjoy your rants, or anyone else’s, but I think we get the feeling that there’s an opportunity to help and we like that. Most of us appreciate other’s confiding in us, whomever we are, and we  like that we’re asked for help, sometimes without words, and trusted to share.  I’m not sure that expression “misery loves company” is part of this thing but the feeling that we’re not alone in our suffering sometimes makes us feel even more qualified to help.  Many of us have “been there, done that”.  I’ve gone through alot of the physical stuff you’re experiencing right now and expect other crap (no pun intended) down the road. Based on your writings I think you’re a strong, hard working guy who’sready to kick these problems out of his life and, still be kind where people are involved.  I’ll be thinking about you and add you to the prayer list. No matter how hard we try to understand our own feelings and those of others we’re stuck with the one limiting factor  in that we’re only human.   Keep on ranting and maybe you’ll feel the kindness, compassion, caring and genuine best wishes from us.  
Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:28 pm
I have been on a severe roller coaster ride over a long period of time Bob and I tended to worry about things I could not control much to my detriment.

I was very happy with my life until my wife died suddenly and some other things went terribly awry and my life spiraled out of control. I was suddenly in a position of fretting over every small detail of my life and until the last few years was unable to confront my life and the repercussions of my existence. I am now at ease with myself and I totally agree with you on the point of needless worrying about what may be. We need to focus on what can be instead which draws positive thoughts into our lives and helps eliminate the negatives that invade our thought patterns.

I wish you the best Bob and I really hope things work out mate.

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 9:59 pm
bob.hewson wrote:
Well at least I now have something concrete to worry about not just "WHAT IF", because it is IF".

We've also decided not to worry about what might be, only about what is. (I know it's easier said than done.) When you deal with the known, you have some control-however limited it may be. When you lose yourself in the unknowns, however, panic sets in and makes things much worse. No need to prepare a bucket list when surgery or radiation might result in years of healthy living. Good luck and stay positive!
Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 10:54 pm
Someone once told me something that has helped my through many surgeries and other tough times in my life....."Don't worry about the destination, just enjoy the journey."  When we are going through very tough things in our life, we can get lost fretting about the outcome instead of being thankful that we have another day here with family and friends.  Everyday we have is a gift and we can always find something to be grateful for...even if it is just something as simple as waking up in the morning.  I know that you face lots of uncertainty ahead, and that is scary for you...but just taking life one day at a time and finding things to be happy about everyday will make this time a little easier for you.
Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 3:16 pm
Hi Bob.
no one can understand what you are going through unless they have experinced it themselves and even then no one has ever had the exact same experiance.
when I was rushed in to hospital with chrones the last thing i was expecting was for them to find a big cancer as well , but there you go, it happened. I cant change that , they said they got it all. i ended  up with a bag for the last 18 months and lost my relationship and have not been back to work. but i am stronger for it all and i love my stoma , it saved my life which is now so much better as i apreciate each day.
i get my reversal in 2 weeks and it has crossed my mond that when they open me up they will find a cancer regrowth , but i know that will not be due to worry about it.
what i can change is how i view the past and past events. i have let go of a lot of anger and feel free to love again in the future.
there are lots of treatment options , my consern would be to work on your relationship and find out how you can meet your wifes needs with some open communication.
take her on a date and start a romance again and see where that takes you
good luck  Bob. x
  Past Member
Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 3:41 pm
What a great outlook Sunny!! It certainly suits your name!
Like your good self I look at my stoma and thank it for saving my life too. I was fortunate enough not to have been in the same situation as most here as the tumour found was not cancerous, but I have been warned to keep an eye on anything unusual. So, it does give rise to worries. But instead I've decided to enjoy every day as it comes. Difficult at times, but through this site I've managed to have my rants and folk here have been so good to allay my worries. I'm ever thankful for this.

Sunnydisposition - Good luck with your surgery and please do come back to us and let us know your progress! Take care, Colm
Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 1:30 am
Hi Bob,  I am in the same boat and I am really worried.  I have been sick since Sept, with what I thought was the flu and since I also have COPD I always suffer for a long time.  Well I saw my oncologist on Fri, and he seemed worried as my white count is up my cea is up a little, and I still am coughing.  He has scheduled me for a Pet scan on Nov9 and a CT scan on Nov 11 since my hospital doesn't do them on the same day.  He is looking to see if the colon cancer has traveled to the lung.  Well I am so worried I can sleep or think straight, and I have never posted anything like this before.  I hope I can make it through this difficult time.  Any help I can get from this forum would be gratefully appreciated  Thanks   Joyce
Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 12:45 pm
Hi Bob, as a cancer patient myself I understand where your comming from. The doctors reassured me that I will be ok. And I am still undergoing chemotherapy. I had both chemo and radiation before surgery and I am now finishing off with chemotherapy. Only 3 more rounds to go. But I am aware that sometimes cancer comes back. And feel a little nervous about follow up visits. I know I will have to get more scans in the future and have colonoscopies more often. But I take things day to day and try to focus on today rather than tom marrow. As long as they catch things soon enough I feel there is little to worry about,especially with the technology they have now. For now I am taking each day and step at a time and making the most of my life today. Good luck to you!      Donna
Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 1:45 pm
Hello Bob
Just thought I would share with you a little bit, take the advice from all the posts they are all worth it although no one can be the same and feel the same you can still react to situations if they occur if you have had the advice before hand.
I am a cancer sufferer or should I say was, mine was very sudden and I believe I was in my prime 38yrs old 2 kids great job but hey I was chosen and I dealt with it in my own way.. What I did not do is give in or ever think of the negatives I owed it to me, my kids, my family to beat this and I did with remarkable help from the hospital staff and helpers.. the 3 chemo regimes also played part as did the 30 radiotherapy Dont give in ever.
You have people in your life as well as on here use and abuse (in moderation) I am sure they will understand how you are feeling .....Rant at your leisure Someone like me will always be on standby to listen/read.
I hope all does go well and you come out the passage positive and stronger for it
Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:58 pm
Hi Bob, I have been reading your rants and hearing your pain. This is such a safe place to do this and we are here to support you. I have had cancer 4 times. I losts both breasts and then twice with colon cancer. I now have an ileostomy but they left 6 inchs at my rectum. they said at the time I would not be able to stand the longer surgery.It has been 18 months since I got the last surgery,  so now I go in on Thursay for a scope of some kind to see how that small bit is doing. Through all t his I have been on my own and have tried to keep the negative thoughts at bay but at times they slip in. I walk with the Lord and I am sure he is the one that keeps me safe and has brought me through each surgery. My ileostomy has become my friend.
Keep your chin up, things will be okay for  you and if the worst should  happen. You will still be okay and just keep thinking those positive thoughts and let the negative ones out here, we all have broad shoulders and will be here for you. Try to reach out to your wife somehow, You need her love to get you through. What happens in the bedroom does not always define the rest of your life. Don't give up on her or yourself.
Take Care and God Bless you and give you strength.

Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 8:23 am
hometown wrote:
Hi Bob,  I am in the same boat and I am really worried.  I have been sick since Sept, with what I thought was the flu and since I also have COPD I always suffer for a long time.  Well I saw my oncologist on Fri, and he seemed worried as my white count is up my cea is up a little, and I still am coughing.  He has scheduled me for a Pet scan on Nov9 and a CT scan on Nov 11 since my hospital doesn't do them on the same day.  He is looking to see if the colon cancer has traveled to the lung.  Well I am so worried I can sleep or think straight, and I have never posted anything like this before.  I hope I can make it through this difficult time.  Any help I can get from this forum would be gratefully appreciated  Thanks   Joyce

Not trying to scare you but my wife suffered from COAD or COPD [Airways or Plumermary] depend on what doctor you spoke to for many years before being diagnosed with her lung cancer. That alone is a lot to live with, she was on oxygen 24/7 before the lung cancer.

I will be landing in Brisbane Australia at 4am on Tuesday 15th and will be seeing my doctor the next day at 8:30 am, so I still have some time to wait before I get to know all, but no matter what, the result will be the same no matter how much worrying I do. So I know not to worry,but you tell your self that 1000 time a night when you are trying to sleep as you keep thinking about any and everything but just relaxing a n sleeping.

We either lay awake saying it is no problem, don't worry about it, worry will not change any thing and we can not sleep because we keep saying it. or we try to just lay there and relax and just start to think, what if, or if or maybe....Either way we don't get much sleep which makes it all worse and that stops us sleeping worrying about not sleeping.

Its just Catch 22 in real life.
  Past Member
Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 7:12 pm
just saying hi !
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