Meet & talk to fellow OstoMates Support | Friendship | Dating 21,030 members

This is so cool, it deserves its own forum

Posted by kmedup, on Thu Jul 23, 2020 8:41 pm

The following message was so cool; I am glad and proud to have this man as my landlord. I left out names for purposes of FOIP.

Hello,

It’s been a while since my last correspondence regarding Covid-19, and how lovely that has been. Now we seem to be entering a second wave, but because of your good-work during the first wave, the hospitals seem to be operating at normal or even quiet levels.

We our asking that effective Friday, July 24, 2020 all tenants, their guests and any visitor to the building wear masks while in any common area of the building. This means but is not limited to: hallways, stairwells, elevators, vestibules, parkades, and laundry rooms (masks have already been required in laundry rooms).

There is nothing in the Residential Tenancy Act or your Lease that says your landlord can force you to wear a mask, and the jurisdictions have not yet made masks mandatory in public places. I am also aware that there is a growing number of “anti-maskers”. Masks have been proven to stop the spread of Covid 19.

When we speak it can be like the splash zone at Sea World; it’s our anatomy. Covid-19 loves a wet talker, breather, and cougher, and eventually all of us will run into an individual that’s immune compromised, or knows someone who is immune compromised, or knows someone who knows someone who is immune compromised.

To be clear: Effective Friday, July 24, 2020 Masks will be mandatory in the common areas of all [name] Properties’ buildings and will remain in effect, until further notice.

Nobody has the right to spit into someone else’s mouth when they speak. The only way to stop the spit leaving our mouths, and entering or landing on someone else’s person, is to wear a mask. It is the polite thing to do, and it is the selfless thing to do, and it is necessary for the sake of the economy and our freedom.

So I implore everybody: don’t be impolite, and don’t be selfish.

Besides blocking any infiltrating goober-tinkles, the further benefits that come along with mandatory masks will be: the eradication of unit 513’s garlic breath, no more yellow tooth smile of suite 918, Mr. Spinachtooth from apartment 200 will get a new name, and Mrs. Clownlipstick from #421 will look a little bit better. If only masks could also prevent people from dropping a hot martin in the elevator.

Physical distancing of 2 meters or 6 feet is still in effect in all buildings. I also ask that you offer your fellow tenants sole-use of the elevator if your have the opportunity to do so.

If anyone is short on masks, let us know, and we’ll see what we can do. I’m still trying to procure hand sanitizing stations for the buildings, but supply is still short unless you’re a pension fund.

Vaccines remain our best hope, but unfortunately a cloud with a silver lining is still a cloud.

Thank you to all of you for being the finest group of tenants for which any landlord could ask.

 [name] Director of Operations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reply by Padfoot, on Thu Jul 23, 2020 8:59 pm

Infiltrating goober tinkle? Love it!!! You have a seriously wacky and hilarious landlord. Hope his/her sense of humour is more contagious than the virus.

 

Laurie

Reply by w30bob, on Thu Jul 23, 2020 10:24 pm

Hi Sis......that was good.  But he's going to have to face Mrs. Clownlipstick someday in the near future, and I'd love to hear THAT conversation!  Sounds like you got quite a crew there.

regards,

bob

Reply by ron in mich, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 8:27 am

Hi all the hot martin in elevator cracked me up, thanks for the laugh this morning.

Reply by kmedup, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 1:02 pm
ron in mich wrote:

Hi all the hot martin in elevator cracked me up, thanks for the laugh this morning.

Hi Ron,


I just posted this verbatim. I thought "hot martin" was a spelling error or a Freudian slip - I really do not know what it is. I am anxious to find out what her/she or it is. Puzzled in Alberta

 

Reply by w30bob, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 3:11 pm

Sis.........it's slang for farting in an elevator with people in it.  I think you were home sick that day in school when we learned that.  

 

;0)

bob

Reply by Sangria, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 4:33 pm

"Infiltrating goober-tinkles", that had me just cracking up!  I have to find a way to use that in my daily life 😂

Reply by Padfoot, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 8:54 pm
w30bob wrote:

Sis.........it's slang for farting in an elevator with people in it.  I think you were home sick that day in school when we learned that.  

 

;0)

bob


Isn't the word "fart" itself slang? So hot martin is slang for slang? This just keeps getting funnier. I remember when my younger brothers referred to a fart as a "feutz burger". I didn't know what they were talking about. Little brothers have their own language; discombobulated older sister just rolls her eyes.🙄

Laurie

Reply by Puppyluv56, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 9:49 pm

Thanks for the laugh! Too funny! 
Pup

Reply by w30bob, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 10:55 pm
Padfoot wrote:
w30bob wrote:

Sis.........it's slang for farting in an elevator with people in it.  I think you were home sick that day in school when we learned that.  

 

;0)

bob


Isn't the word "fart" itself slang? So hot martin is slang for slang? This just keeps getting funnier. I remember when my younger brothers referred to a fart as a "feutz burger". I didn't know what they were talking about. Little brothers have their own language; discombobulated older sister just rolls her eyes.🙄

Laurie

Hi Pad,

  No, it's not slang.....it's a real word. It comes from the Old English word “feortan,” which means “to break wind.".......or so the interweb says!  A Hot Martin is also a type of sausage.....which we all know causes one to "break wind" fairly regularly. Ah......what good fun!

Regards,

Bob

Reply by kmedup, on Fri Jul 24, 2020 11:29 pm
w30bob wrote:
Padfoot wrote:
w30bob wrote:

Sis.........it's slang for farting in an elevator with people in it.  I think you were home sick that day in school when we learned that.  

 

;0)

bob


Isn't the word "fart" itself slang? So hot martin is slang for slang? This just keeps getting funnier. I remember when my younger brothers referred to a fart as a "feutz burger". I didn't know what they were talking about. Little brothers have their own language; discombobulated older sister just rolls her eyes.🙄

Laurie

Hi Pad,

  No, it's not slang.....it's a real word. It comes from the Old English word “feortan,” which means “to break wind.".......or so the interweb says!  A Hot Martin is also a type of sausage.....which we all know causes one to "break wind" fairly regularly. Ah......what good fun!

Regards,

Bob

So, for my Friday Fart Fulminate … there will be a quiz after … how these forums can morph - eh!

Farting, part of the universal human experience, knows no borders; every person from every corner of the globe breaks wind. The average person toots 14 – 21 times per day. And in this collective modern malaise that clouds our outlook with negativity, it’s time to break out of our funk by laughing at another kind of funk. For more on this subject google “The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy”

Synonyms include Flatulence, Vapors, Wind, Air Biscuit, Barking Spider, Bottom Burp, Fluffer Doodle, Poot, Toot, Break Wind, Cut One Loose, Cut the Cheese and it goes on and on and … it really matters where one lives.

So, a true story about my experience with flatulence, albeit embarrassing. About to leave a week-long class in northern Alberta, I inched carefully towards the door, fully aware that I was about to cut the mustard – and it wouldn’t be a little toot or a fluff. Ever walk behind a farting horse – that is what I knew was building up! I almost made it to the door, squeezing my butt cheeks and holding my breath (as if that would help). I didn’t make it and let out the fart of all farts. I dropped a hot martin – new word now. So, to prove the recency theory – what we remember first about someone is all about the last time we interacted, every single time I would encounter one of those blessed students – they had huge smiles on their faces – they even guffawed out loud uncontrollably. Imagine, they remembered my fart first – even before what I had taught them. However, there is comfort in knowing that they clearly understood the recency theory.

And speaking of Ole English Bob ...

Tae a Fart
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in your belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope I huvnae shit my breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell it’s no ma worry
A’body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wiz him! I shout with accusin glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome any mair
Where e’ere ye go let yer wind gan’ free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o one wee farty


Reply by w30bob, on Sat Jul 25, 2020 2:18 am
kmedup wrote;

 The average person toots 14 – 21 times per day. 

 Hi Sis,

  That's amazing. More so because I never fart. No, really......I don't. Ever.  I never really thought about it much until now that you brought it up.  As a kid I never understood why some folks would fart with others around. As I got older I always found it odd that guys would fart purposefully when in the Men's Room at work, or in public rest rooms. Now I'm not saying I couldn't fart......I'd get the sensation like everyone else, but I'd just crunch up my butt cheeks and hold it......and it would go away. Even if I ate gassy foods, etc. Later on in life my friends would actually make a joke about it whenever we were in a group and someone would fart. They'd all look around at each other and when they looked at me they'd just say "well we know it wasn't you...because you don't fart". Wow......I've had a Superpower all these years and never knew it! Guess Superman's got nothing on me!

Later,

Bob

Reply by Padfoot, on Sat Jul 25, 2020 10:04 am
w30bob wrote:
kmedup wrote;

 The average person toots 14 – 21 times per day. 

 Hi Sis,

  That's amazing. More so because I never fart. No, really......I don't. Ever.  I never really thought about it much until now that you brought it up.  As a kid I never understood why some folks would fart with others around. As I got older I always found it odd that guys would fart purposefully when in the Men's Room at work, or in public rest rooms. Now I'm not saying I couldn't fart......I'd get the sensation like everyone else, but I'd just crunch up my butt cheeks and hold it......and it would go away. Even if I ate gassy foods, etc. Later on in life my friends would actually make a joke about it whenever we were in a group and someone would fart. They'd all look around at each other and when they looked at me they'd just say "well we know it wasn't you...because you don't fart". Wow......I've had a Superpower all these years and never knew it! Guess Superman's got nothing on me!

Later,

Bob

I have said before that all of us on this site are superheroes for what we've been through. Now we know, Bob, what your superpower is. 😆 

 

Laurie

* Please, do not post contact information like email, Facebook or Twitter accounts, or phone number. These will be removed by the Administrator.
All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Currently online: 10    
10 visitors
 
 
Welcome to MeetAnOstoMate - the largest online community for people with an ostomy.
If you have questions or just want to meet and chat with others, join us and enjoy our great community.