Not sure if this really happened. Maybe it was a dream, the pain meds or a combination. But I feel like I had this conversation.
Me: Oh God, why me?
God: I'm not sure I understand your question.
Me: Why am I stuck with this horrible appliance?
God: Are you asking why YOU have it instead of someone else having it or why you have the appliance, period?
Me: I don't want to wish this on someone else but there are lots of people who deserve this more than me.
God: Deserve? This didn't happen to you because you deserved it. And BTW that thing on your belly saved your life. Stuff happens.
Me: Why can't you just give the pain and suffering to the bad people?
God: I hear you and it sounds reasonable but it just doesn't work like that.
Me: More than that though, shouldn't I be rewarded for trying to be a good person?
God: It depends on how you look at it. If you believe in heaven then all the good things you do will make you feel closer to getting there. If you don't believe, maybe you should.
Me: Good people shouldn't suffer and it's just not fair.
God: I know, I know you talk about what's fair and just and how lucky some folks are and how you might have gotten a bad break but, believe me, it's way more complicated than that.
Me: Then help me understand, please.
God: I can't do that because you're only human and, as magnificent as that is, you're not able to understand my plan. It's really complicated. Trust me. Sometimes I even have trouble keeping tract of things. It got so big in just a few hundred million years.
Me: If I'm to believe you created me, how can you hurt me this way?
God: Hold on, I need to stop you there. I didn't do this to you. When I created all this I did it for people like yourself and the other gazillions but, like I said, stuff happens and I've given you tools to handle it. It's up to you how you choose to do that.
Me: What can I do? I have one life to live and it's been compromised. I'm crippled.
God: You're an ostomate and, maybe, you have some other problems but you can certainly think, you type, you probably talk and emote and have lots of other faculties that seem to be working. You're way better off than lots of folks. And you know what? Most of those are not bad people either. You can share. You can learn to handle your situation better and help others do the same. You can laugh, you can cry. You can love and you are loved. Share and thank those around you who try to help.
Me: You're not helping me dear God. I still feel rotten and you're not giving me any hope.
God: Oh, but you do have hope. You're asking me to help you because you hope I can. Look, let's face it. I could do one of my miracle things and you would be back to the way you were before but you can help lots of others by the way you handle your situation. There's a big picture that's difficult to see.
Me: Well can't you just do it for all of us; Get rid of all the diseases, all the pain and suffering?
God: I could and I did for some already but that's another story. If you believe I can do all these things then you must believe I'll make it all work out somehow. Ya think? People are amazing; maybe my best creation. They invent stuff like velcro and tupperware, went to the moon and back and devise ways of getting through some terrible things together. Believe you'll survive this, help others survive and become an even better person along the way.
Me: Show me a sign, please dear God. Give me something to hang on to.
God: Well, for starters there's you. You know the difference between good and bad and you try to be good. You have some friends and family, some people who actually love you. I only created stuff for you to enjoy like mountains, streams, lakes and seas, flowers and trees, cats and dogs, then you make those things part of your life. You share my creations with other folks and you enjoy them even more. When you share your pain with others and theirs with you, you help each other endure. You’ll help others who are hurting because you'll tell them about our conversation and they'll either believe you and have more hope or they'll think you're nuts. But they'll wonder. You'll accept your life and learn it can have more meaning now than it did before. Other folks will learn from you.
Me: I hear you but I'm still uncertain.
God: Believe that you will be rewarded for all the good you did and will do. I won't punish you for the simple mistakes you made because you're only human. You needed to make some of those mistakes so you could learn. Some, on the other hand, well, you know. Remember, I give you sunshine every day of your life; sometimes you just can't see it. I give you love every day of your life but sometimes you don't feel it. It's there. And those really bad folks, I'll handle them differently but you'll be OK if you trust. You’ve seen a lot of bad things that hurt you but you’ve seen a lot of beauty in people to give you faith.
Me: Well, I still don't really understand but I guess I should trust you.
God: When the time comes that you do understand, you won't care anymore because you'll be here with me in a totally different aura. All the things you care about now won't matter one bit then. You'll know a togetherness with loved ones like you could never have imagined. Until then, learn to listen, not just hear. Learn to feel not just understand. Learn what others need to help themselves get better. It works for us up here. There’s no need to adore me and praise my accomplishments. I’m God and I can do anything. You need to adore and praise the beautiful people who work hard to make things better for others. Maybe you could be one of those people and then I’ll praise you. Hey, I really need to go now and make some adjustments to the system. Keep in touch and never stop believing. Oh, and someday you'll thank me for all the good things you have right now. Later!
Did this really happen?