Update on Hand Brace, Therapy, and Father's Funeral


Well, it has almost been 4 weeks in my left hand brace. I still have pain and have to remember not to try to grab stuff that is falling with my left hand. I see the surgeon for my second post-op check-up on the 17th of August. I will start therapy if he clears me to do so. Washington has finally opened up the Military Cemetery so I will be going there at the end of the month to bury my father who passed on 29 March. Covid has delayed the closure we all need with this. I still have not grieved for him and do not know if I will. I was beaten so much throughout my childhood that it has affected me greatly. I loved my dad but I did not like him very much. It was difficult going to school and trying to hide the bruises and bloody welts. The one teacher who tried to help me was fired for "meddling." He was a great teacher too. I was never good enough for my dad. I could never say or do anything right in his eyes. But, I will go to his funeral and honor his life and service to our country. The surgeon had to do extra work on my hand as one bone was literally gone and the one next to it was also partly removed. My thumb was also pulled back into alignment 20 degrees. So that is my update and I am pretty tired now so I am headed to bed. Thanks for listening everyone!

ron in mich

Good luck with your appointment. We don't realize how much we do with our hands until we can't use one, like when we have an IV in our arm. In my case, arthritis in my right hand and not being able to grasp things without dropping them. But life goes on.

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Wow, Freedancer, you amaze me! Look at what you have been through in your life, yet you still have the spirit to describe yourself as a freedancer. You are an inspiration!

How ironic that the teacher who tried to help was fired for meddling. Now, a teacher is more likely to get fired for not meddling, which is as it should be. Those in positions of authority have a duty to protect those who are powerless.

You have such insight to be able to say that you love your father, but didn't like him much. It often takes people years of therapy to get to that place. Good for you!

I wouldn't be surprised if you still grieve your father's death. It may have less to do with grieving him as a person, and more to do with grieving the loss of any possibility of a reasonable relationship with him. Be gentle with yourself, and sit with whatever surfaces. Freedancer, you have long ago given yourself permission to be your own ideal parent to yourself. You have drawn strength and courage from that; let that wrap around you as you prepare to bury your father. Thanks so much for sharing your story.



Thank you!


Freedancer, you are an inspiration. Sorry you have to go through all this. I too had a bad relationship with my dad and had to learn to forgive him. My mom raised four of us without any help from or any contact with us until a few years before he died, he came back. With help from the Lord, I forgave him and prayed with him. You just keep the faith and the Lord will help you through. Best wishes and stay safe.

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Thank you!



You certainly have been through it. I guess we all have in one way or another. I was never physically abused but my father valued wine, women, and song more than his family.
In his later years, we finally had somewhat of a relationship. I made it very clear that he was to come back into my life and stay or get out and stay, and I didn't really care which one he chose but I would expect him to be consistent. He came in and stayed! He understood that he had to earn my respect because I had none for him. When he died in 2016, I was the only one to go take care of his things and remains. On my dime, flew to Texas and took care of everything in a week. With all the people he left us for, you would have thought someone would have stepped up to help. I had no services and no burial for there wasn't anyone to attend. Sad for him.
He chose that so I guess he should have been happy with it!
I have no regrets. Grieving? I think I did that when I was around 5 years old when he left us. But not as an adult.
I am sure you have done your share of grieving over the years as well. We all grieve differently and I hope your getting him to his final resting place will give you closure!



Thank you!

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