Turkey Coop Mishaps: A Comedy of Errors!

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The turkey coop I built is pretty much a big square box with a flat roof that overhangs on each side a good deal. The front of the coop roof is about 6' off the ground and it slopes backward down to about 3 1/2 feet at the back end. So I'm out there in the dark chasing my 3 gals around the yard trying to get them into the coop for the night. I got the first two in no sweat. But the third one is getting smart. So when I go to grab her she runs behind the coop, where it's too low for me to chase her. There's a fence around the back and one side of the coop......which is why I don't fit real well on the one side and the back. So I skrunch down the side of the coop next to the fence and kick some leaves her way. With that she runs alongside the back of the coop and can run out into the open goat pen. But instead she stopped at the other rear corner of the coop. So I go around the front of the coop to catch her and she's just standing there at the rear edge of the coop looking at me. So I slowly walk toward her under the sloping roof overhang on that side.........and as I get almost at the end of the coop.......I lunge for her!And forgetting that the roof is sloping I bang my friggin' head on the friggin' overhanging roof support beam!OUCH! That's gonna leave a mark!So I see stars and go stumpling around the pen cussing and yelling "not so nice" things. Luckily all my neighbors live far away, so no disturbing the peace. And also lucky for me I had a hat on and my sweatshirt hood pulled up over my hat..........so I had some padding between the beam and my head. No blood or anything, but I could feel a lump starting almost instantly.

Ok, whatever.........I got to get the last damn bird in.......so I can go in myself. So back we go chasing her around the coop. We do the same dance a few times and I'm getting pissed and not really paying attention to anything other than this darn turkey. So being the genius that I am, I finally decided to block her entrance to the side of the coop next to the fence so she can't go running behind the coop again. Yeah, I'm sure Einstein was looking down with a big shit-ass grin on his face. So round the pen I go chasing her again. But this time (I swear this bird is SMART) since the usual way to the back of the coop is blocked........she dashes in front of the coop and down the side not against the fence.......and back behind the coop. F#k!Ok......so I move the barrier I put up to block her path....slink between the coop and the fence to the back corner of the coop and again kick some leaves to make her scoot out from behind the coop. Back around the front I go.....and there she is, just sitting there at the back corner of the coop again looking at me with those big cute turkey eyes. Sooooo.....I again go slowly slinking down the other side of the coop.....get real close......you know where this is going, right? And lunge at her to grab her! And yeah...........that same f ^king beam smacks me in the exact same spot on my noggin!Just like hitting your thumb with your hammer TWICE.....it hurts a LOT more the second time!!!Oh man........I saw stars, planets, a few shooting stars and maybe a Martian or two. I'm pretty sure even the neighbors who aren't in visual distance heard me now! I don't know what you call it.........but I felt even dumber than stupid. I finally did catch my little sweatheart and put her to bed in her coop with her two BFFs......but my head was POUNDING!

After I came in and got out of my work clothes I found a bathroom mirror to checkout the damage. Ho boy......it stopped bleeding on its own, but this won't be pretty tomorrow.....and I needed to find some Tylenol to stop my head from throbbing!As Thanksgiving approaches.......if anyone tells you turkeys are dumb.....please correct them. Turkey owners are dumb.....not the turkeys!Now I got to go find an ice pak and make myself a nice turkey sandwich!

You guys have a great night.........and stop laughing!



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OMG Bob; it is difficult to fly like an eagle when you run with turkeys. Thanks for the laugh; I pictured every moment and now I have a bird's eye view of you as well.

Suppose that will be the one that finds its way to your Thanksgiving plate. Just, K.

About Your Urostomy | Hollister

Hey Bob, funny story! It had me laughing. I could just see you running around trying to catch that turkey. Will they not go in by themselves if you just leave them alone? Anyway, I enjoyed the story. Best wishes and stay safe.


All turkeys aren't birds, Bob.  Just sayin'...  Great story.


Hello Bob. 

Thanks for this great story, which was so well written, it had me wishing I could have been there to help persuade your girl to go to bed. A bitter-sweet tale, which had me smiling at the predicament of the owner of a smart turkey, which reminded me so much of some of the pets that have lived with me in the past.

However, My humour stops when people (or animals) are hurt in any way. Even minor bumps on the head can turn out to be very serious, so you need to watch out for ongoing symptoms. My daughter bumped her head on a kitchen cupboard some 18 months ago and is still having intermittent problems.

I hope everything turns out well for you and you manage to train your turkey more effectively for future encounters.

Best wishes



Hey Bob, that's a funny one! I know which turkey you won't be pardoning. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Stay well. Penguins7


Bob... I had to read your story twice! Funny, yes, but then again... how's your head? Having pets is always hilarious, aren't they!


That's a good one, Bob. Thanks for the laughs.


Hi Ritz. My head is friggin' killing me! Ok, ok....it's not that bad. Looks way worse than it is, as usual. I just wish I had video of it.........I'd be an internet sensation. Then again, maybe a video isn't such a great idea!!

Thanks for caring!




Amen.   You can say that again, brother.   "Gobble-Gobble!"



Bob, you weren't kidding - way too funny a story! I could see every detail in my mind as you described it, and chuckling, then "Ow!"-ing physically cringing reading about you hitting your head - TWICE!

Like some others, I thought for sure you planned to draft your Dirty Bird for a specific Thanksgiving KP duty.)

So, will your Thanksgiving meal include Humble Pie? LOL

Feel better, Bob, and make it an amazing day, while you sit there, holding the bump on your noggin... And redesigning your turkey coop. LOL



Hi Lily,

Well, my turkeys are safe..........I don't eat any of my pets.   I'm just weird that way.   So I'll be buying my turkey for Thanksgiving at the store just like the rest of you.   Same goes for chicken.   But I DO eat the eggs.   Turkey eggs have twice the protein of chicken eggs!   There's always a partially eaten Humble Pie in my fridge.....it's something I eat quite often, but isn't one of my favorite foods.   Go figure!   My head still smarts.   I think it's like getting burned......it hurts more AFTER the fact.   I let my fine feathered friends out a little while ago......and I could swear they were all smiling at me.   Life is good.....until it's not.   Onward!




Too funny, Bob! In the event you ever choose to make one of your pets your Thanksgiving centerpiece, still not sure if you will go for revenge for your head or reward her for her abilities to outsmart you! Decisions, decisions! Lol

Gobble gobble


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