Ostomy Memories Talking to Non-Humans


THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES when I have caught myself talking to non-humans. I once obtained some new little trees from the Arbor Day Foundation. Nursing them along, while some had leafed out and others hadn’t, I was talking to one that still looked like a bare twig sticking out of the ground. It was supposed to be a redbud tree. I got two of them and neither was showing signs of life. Perhaps they just don’t wish to come into the world. My mother told me I was that way; she was in lengthy labor while I fought to remain in that nice warm place. Of course, as Henry Miller once said, “to enter life by way of the vagina is as good a way as any.”
Anyway, I was whispering soothingly to this little bare thing that is supposed to be a redbud tree, telling him what a nice spot he had and how I would care for him. I have talked to trees for a long time, believing that I would like to come back – if that happens – as a tree, perhaps a nice live oak or a fragrant pinyon pine.
I talk to inanimate objects as well. Just this morning I cussed out my slippers. When I can’t find something, I often call out “Where are you?” This never produces a response, of course, but it helps me cope with the delay.
Like everyone else, naturally, I talk to my house pets. Bart and I converse all the time, back and forth, as if we each understand what the other is saying. It’s eerie. I have no earthly idea what “meow” means, although I suspect that he understands “Come on, Buddy.”
Talking to non-humans is not a sign of mental instability. It is a normal means of broadening one’s world, making inclusivity a common method for living surrounded by non-human things.
My wife wishes I talked to her more.

Hello HenryM.
You are not alone in talking to non-humans and inanimate objects. As with all spoken communication, this is surely a form of sharing what one is thinking at the time. Therefore, I would postulate that it is also a method of communicating with ones’ self.
After several years of experimentation, I developed a technique to enhance and exploit this phenomenon so that people could perceive their conversations as gradually growing into something ‘constructive’. The innovative label attributed to this technique was, of course, ‘Constructive Conversations’.
My wife tends to talk (out loud) to almost anything and everything in her vicinity. Every now and then, the conversation is directed at me. I know this because, she gets somewhat irate and tells me that I am not listening to her (again!) (or that I need to get a hearing aid!) .When I explain that it is very difficult to separate the conversation meant for me, from the one she was previously having with the vacuum cleaner (or something else), she reluctantly repeats the message, and I am able to give her my full attention. Fortunately, we are both able to laugh about this minor hiccup in our communication as, in the scheme of things, it is rarely important enough to fall out over.
Anyway, it is always worth remembering the 7% rule: i.e. that 93% of communication is non-verbal.

Best wishes

<p>Bill, How funny!&nbsp; My wife and I share the same phenomenon.&nbsp; I'll hear her voice, think she's talking to one of the cats, and ignore her.&nbsp; Then I get this disgusted "Henry!"&nbsp; It's like Basil and Cybil on that great show "Fawlty Towers" with John Cleese.&nbsp; "Basil!"<br /><br /></p>
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Hi guys, yeah I talk to objects all the time like my snowblower when it won't start when it's -10 and a foot of snow by the garage and 2ft. out by the road from the plow. Also, summertime when the lawnmower won't start and I finally realize I forgot to fill the gas tank, so then the conversation is internal.

Hey Henry,

I must admit, my most favorite, comforting, loving conversations that I have ever had have been with my dogs. They love me no matter what I say or do. My hubby is more selective, although he does seem to end up on the same side of the discussion as I do....LOL My most argumentative conversations have been with inanimate objects, as they don't threaten to shoot me or call me nasty names, or assault my freedom of speech and choice if they don't agree with me. -)



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