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Ostomy Memories of Missing Socks

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Sun Jun 20, 2021 2:57 am

NOTES FOR AN ARTICLE ON MISSING SOCKS

SOCRATES: inventor of the sock
DANTE: His nine-circle inferno originally had a tenth circle where foot fetishers, people who wear socks with sandals, and washing machine salesmen are doomed to pursue missing socks blowing in the infernal maelstrom
ISAAC NEWTON’s successor scientists: Just as Newton advanced the theory of gravitation after observing a falling apple, so did scientists who came after him devise the term “half-life” to describe the depreciating period of time following the purchase of a pair of socks before one goes missing, the same theory later applied to the fixed, invariable amount of time it takes half of an original sample of a radioactive substance like uranium, radium or carbon-14 to break down
HENRY VIII: He didn’t have his various wives sent to the guillotine because they were infertile, or couldn’t produce an heir. It was because they were inept in managing the laundry staff and socks kept turning up missing.
SHAKESPEARE’S RICHARD III: In the first draft of Act V, iv, 7, the king cried “My missing sock! My missing sock! My kingdom for my missing sock!” His editor insisted he change “sock” to “horse.”
THE ALAMO: The Mexicans were attacking the Alamo because a repatriated former California grove worker had told them that all the missing socks from Guadalajara were being used to stuff bedding in the fort.
1929 MARKET CRASH: It was actually caused by huge losses in sock futures due to the early onset of the missing sock phenomenon occurring after underage sock weavers walked off the job to protest in favor of proposed child labor laws, carrying with them thousands of individual socks from what had been pairs. The Sock Market later became known as the Stock Market to help cover up this story.
BAY OF PIGS: This attack was launched from Miami, which has notoriously sock-eating laundromats, so many of the invading Cubans were forced to wear boots without socks, causing them to founder on the beach and be defeated.
GOOD THINGS RESULTING FROM THE MISSING SOCK PHENOMENON: Sock monkeys, flip flops, the film “The Barefoot Contessa”

Sun Jun 20, 2021 4:11 am

I was always trying to buy the same socks, navy blue long. The store kept changing their supplier so they were never the same. I had various pairs of one knee high and one mid calf. Now I buy patterned ones and problem solved.

Sun Jun 20, 2021 2:26 pm

What an imagination you have Henry!  My favourite is the "half-life" of socks!  Too funny!

Mon Jun 21, 2021 1:10 am

Henry you are a genius but can I ask have you been able to fathom out where my other sock is? Is it just me or do other people put the single sock in a draw hoping one year you might just might find the other???? Xx

Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:25 am

 

  Caz67 wrote:  

Henry you are a genius but can I ask have you been able to fathom out where my other sock is? Is it just me or do other people put the single sock in a draw hoping one year you might just might find the other???? Xx

 



My suspicion has always been that all of our thousands of missing socks have gravitated to an off-shore island some place where they engage in 24/7 partying, unrestrained sex, and continual laughter that sounds like water boiling.

Mon Jun 21, 2021 5:02 am

 

  HenryM wrote:  

 

 

My suspicion has always been that all of our thousands of missing socks have gravitated to an off-shore island some place where they engage in 24/7 partying, unrestrained sex, and continual laughter that sounds like water boiling.

 



That's a invite I wouldn't turn down lol 😅. Cx

Mon Jun 21, 2021 12:51 pm

 

  Caz67 wrote:  

Henry you are a genius but can I ask have you been able to fathom out where my other sock is? Is it just me or do other people put the single sock in a draw hoping one year you might just might find the other???? Xx

 



I've done that!

Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:18 pm

Sat Jul 03, 2021 12:10 pm

 

  Casper9 wrote:  

 



Henry you were right 🤣 xx

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