You Might Be A Redneck - Round Three

Here is my third round of Jeff Foxworthy style "You Might Be A Redneck" situations. Again, these are mostly original as far as I know. I've enjoyed all your comments on rounds 1 and 2. To further this series, I'll have to go back to the drawing board. So that's a maybe for future installments. Thanks for following along so far.........hope you get a few chuckles, or possibly a good laugh.

1.    If you have ever been catfishing on a riverbank at night, while drinking moonshine, and were taken for a ride on a UFO......YMBAR

2.    If your high school diploma was written on a sheet of Big Chief tablet paper.......YMBAR

3.    If your family car broke down and the repair shop had to call someone out of retirement to fix it......YMBAR

4.    If you  refer to the National Enquirer as "the paper".......YMBAR

5.    If your TV remote control is activated by yelling at your five year old son,"Come here boy and change the channel"......YMBAR

6.    If the two hillbillies in the movie "Deliverance" are your distant cousins......YMBAR

7.    If your requirements for a prospective wife are that she have some of her teeth....and a bass boat......YMBAR

8.    If your retirement porfolio is based on the flea market value of your NASCAR memorabilia and beer can collections......YMBAR

9.    If your formal dress up outfit is a powder blue leisure suit, white loafers, and a clean baseball cap......YMBAR

10.  If you're out shopping with your wife and she examines a bottle of Eau de Toilette water that costs $45, and you say "Put that shit back, ain't no way I'm payin' for that when we we've got perfectly good toilet water at home......YMBAR

11.  If you think Ben Franklin "invented" electricity with his kite......YMBAR

12.  If you think that a mouse pad is some long-haired hippie's way of describing Mickey's house......YMBAR

13.  If you're pretty sure the "dark web" is something that's made by spiders at night......YMBAR

14.  If you think that the internet is a special rigging used by commercial fishermen......YMBAR

15.  If you are at a fancy restaurant and think the waiter is asking if you want your pasta cooked by a chef named Al Dintay......YMBAR

16.  If you were once on the game show 'Are You 'Smarter Than A Fifth Grader', and were asked to use the word "cedar" in a sentence, and you thought for a minute and then said, " 'thuther day I couldn't find muh wife, so I drove upta Walmart, and that's where I see'd her......YMBAR

FdCap,

loved them. Keep them coming...

The National Enquirer as "the paper", perfect!  Sadly, the way we are headed, the NE just might be the only "newspaper" left before long.

Terry

Hmmm............how many of those have to apply to be called a redneck?  Eyes think I wants a recount!

;0)

bob

0% - 20%..........within the margin of error

20% - 30%........suspicious

30% - 40%........uh-oh!

40% - 50%........yep, probably

50% or more......kongratchulashens, you made it, and be proud you're a redneck, I am!............... (by the way, in case you didn't cover it in school, 50% means half)

fd,

  Now use is confuzing da heck out of me. If 50% of them thar sayin's applied to me........and 50% is 'half'.......wouldn't that make me 'half' a redneck?  I sure hate this new math!

;0)

boob

Dangit Bob, this ain't rockit surjury. You cain't be no haffa redneck. You either is or you ain't, now which is it ?

As use-you-al......u makes cents agin!  So yeah, just like the Southern Border is under control........eye iz a Rednek.    

;0)

bob

I see yur in Maryland. Which southern border are ya a-talkin' 'bout? Virginny or West Virginny? Hope ya ain't got no feudin' a-goin' on.

Well......eyez waz talkin bouts the one way downs there, but if you a Hatfield......dems fightin' words.  If youz a McCoy.......we're good!

;0)