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Life is Complicated

Sat Aug 28, 2021 9:41 am

Life is Complicated
Sometimes in people’s lives , things don’t happen the way you want them to . 



Last edited by Ritz on Tue Sep 14, 2021 8:22 am; edited 1 time in total
Sat Aug 28, 2021 1:22 pm

Aww Ritz I'm sorry it's not turned out the way you wanted it to. It's a tough decision to make hun and I certainly don't envy you. XX ❣️

Sat Aug 28, 2021 9:17 pm

Your daughter is making you choose between her and panguy?  I don't know you or your daughter, but that sounds very selfish on her part.  Does she not want you to have someone special in your life and be happier because of it?

Sat Aug 28, 2021 9:58 pm

Sorry you are having this problem after finding someone you feel can make you happy. You don't say what her objections are but sounds like she is thinking about her self. I would think she would want you to be happy. You have raised her and now is your time. I would weigh her objections against how you feel about panguy are you ready to let him go? Hope things work out for your best interest.

Sat Aug 28, 2021 10:11 pm

 

  kdel wrote:  

Your daughter is making you choose between her and panguy?  I don't know you or your daughter, but that sounds very selfish on her part.  Does she not want you to have someone special in your life and be happier because of it?

 



That's what I'm wondering also

Sat Aug 28, 2021 11:57 pm

 

  Ritz wrote:  

 

 

That's what I'm wondering also

 



Oh, Ritz...  I do hope you & Panguy will reconsider your circumstances and options!

I wish you both all of the happiness you deserve!  (And, if that should be with each other?  ...so be it!)

Life's too short to not be happy, loved and fulfilled!

Lily17~

Sun Aug 29, 2021 2:57 am

Hello Ritz.

Thank you so much for sharing what must be an awful situation for both you and Panguy.

I will not pretend to know what decisions would be the 'best' ones in these circumstances because there are so many unknown factors to be considered. 

It looks as if you have already made your decisions and the concept of remaining 'good friends' seems to be a reasonable solution. 

As you are probably aware, I am always on the lookout for signs and symptoms of covert and overt 'bullying', so hearing of one person 'telling' another what to do, or 'threatening' them with something like withdrawal of their affection or friendship, immediately ring alarm bells in terms of indicating 'classic' symptoms of covert bullying. 

In the UK we have a 'CARE ACT' that has listed this type of behaviour as 'abuse' under the category of 'emotional or psychological'. In this case the behaviour also fits in the category of 'Domestic Abuse' as it is perpetrated by family members.

However, as with most bullying, it is very hard to prevent it happening, and if and when this is achieved, it usually comes with additional 'consequences' such as more of the same.

I content myself with simply noting the patterns of this type of behaviour within my rhymes and placing the concepts in the category of 'inverse feedback'. I will leave you with a rhyme that I felt tried to sum-up the theme of dealing with these personal predicaments and decision making : which I percieved as part of a continuous 'civilian war':

Best wishes

Bill

 

THE GREATEST BATTLES EVER BEEN.

The greatest battles ever been
will rattle round inside unseen.
They are the ones right in your head
that you may fight until you’re dead.

For those who think that this is wrong
what other battles last so long?
What other wars will cause such pain
and must be fought time and again?

What conflicts carry greatest fears
and can reduce you into tears
then trouble you throughout your years
and only cease when death appears?

What other skirmishes can lead
to the break that makes hearts bleed?
What bombs may reign from up above
will cause more pain than can a love?

There is no battlefield commotion
can compare with our emotion
when energy is on a roll
and it is not under control.

Pure hate is an incendiary
upon it’s beneficiary
as hate has heat and fires as well
like those you’d meet in pyres of hell.

Arrows of animosity
can strike with some ferocity
dividing folk with enmity          (hate/hostility)
providing no indemnity.

No greater war or battlefront
is likely that you will confront
than struggling through your life each day
and juggling problems on the way.


                                              B. Withers 2014

                                ( In: A CIVILIAN WAR 2015)

 

  

 

 

Sun Aug 29, 2021 6:22 am

Hello Ritz. 

I must thank you again for sharing this post as it has motivated me to compose another rhyme to squeeze into my forthcoming book before publication. My rhymes are not designed to be 'enjoyable' in the normal sense, but I do hope that you can appreciate the sentiments therein.

Best wishes

Bill

 

THE CRUELEST OF FORMS OF ABUSE.

I’ve often pondered what would be
the cruellest bullying for me,
but I have found there’s so much choice
I’d like to give it all a voice.

I started with the ‘overt’ stuff,
but realised it’s not enough,
so, to portray ‘covert’ abuse
I put my rhyming skills to use.

The cruellest bullying of all,
can come from things that seem so small,
that people do not notice them,
so they don’t know when to condemn.

It’s often psychological,
hidden and emotional,
so, only victims feel the pain
and only bullies get the gain.

The cruelty involved in ‘love’
would be the one I’d put above
the many others on my list
of techniques in the bully’s fist.

For cruelty, where love’s concerned,
will see emotions overturned,
and all the damage that is done
is hardly seen by anyone.

This hidden trauma must come first,
because I think it is the worst
kind of abuse bullies could do
from a victim’s point of view.

In families, we find these games
are played with quite specific aims,
to control and to subjugate
which may turn love straight into hate.

                                             Be Withers 2021

Sun Aug 29, 2021 8:50 am

Hello Ritz.

These sorts of concepts sometimes motivate more than just one rhyme and, although I am writing these particular rhymes for several people with similar problems, it was your post that intitiated the momentum so,I will share with you the sequential rhyme on this subject.

Best wishes

Bill

 

THE CRUELEST FORMS OF ABUSE.

I’ve often pondered what would be
the cruellest bullying for me,
but I have found there’s so much choice
I’d like to give it all a voice.

I started with the ‘overt’ stuff,
but realised it’s not enough,
so, to portray ‘covert’ abuse
I put my rhyming skills to use.

The cruellest bullying of all,
can come from things that seem so small,
that people do not notice them,
so they don’t know when to condemn.

It’s often psychological,
hidden and emotional,
so, only victims feel the pain
and only bullies get the gain.

The cruelty involved in ‘love’
would be the one I’d put above
the many others on my list
of techniques in the bully’s fist.

For cruelty, where love’s concerned,
will see emotions overturned,
and all the damage that is done
is hardly seen by anyone.

This hidden trauma must come first,
because I think it is the worst
kind of abuse bullies could do
from a victim’s point of view.

In families, we find these games
are played with quite specific aims,
to control and to subjugate
which may turn love straight into hate.

(continued ----)

THE CRUELEST FORMS OF ABUSE. (continued)

The use of love to orchestrate
a regime, where to dominate
becomes the rationale and aim
is an abominable game.

Yet this is what some bullies do
to put across their point of view,
and make sure that they get their way
so their victims have to pay.

It happens when some parents try
to bring a tear to a child’s eye,
simply so they can establish
dominance, alongside anguish.

Sometimes they threaten to withdraw
their love, and that is the last straw
for the child who craves affection
so, cannot cope with their rejection.

These are the bullying techniques
that I observe in rhyme-critiques
to show the world what’s going on
behind the scenes in this big con.

Sometimes, some children when they grow
into their adulthood will know,
that they can use this strategy
as part of their pathology.

And so, they blackmail parents to
do the things they want them to,
by threatening excommunication
in parental manipulation.

With ‘want’ for dominance so strong,
they may not view this thing as ‘wrong’,
but justify the way they are
as just part of their repertoire.


                                                  Be Withers 2021

Sun Aug 29, 2021 4:14 pm

Hi Ritz,  I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation.  I was very happy for you when you announced that you had found "the one", and on this site to boot.  As they say, you can't choose your family.  I wonder, as others have mentioned here, what your daughter's motives are here?  Does she not want what is best for you?  Is she feeling threatened in some way, or jealous of this new relationship?  Does she realize what she is asking you to do?  Life is indeed too short not to grab every little bit of joy we can.  I hope you can work this out Ritz, without having to give up Panguy or the relationship with your daughter.  What about letting her read this thread?  Just a thought.  Wishing you all the best,

 

Terry

JMC
Sun Aug 29, 2021 6:27 pm

Hi Ritz,

Sorry to hear about this.  

I agree with all the comments and I really hope you and Panguy can work things out (and am sure the only one he is "available" for is you).

Best wishes for a more positive outcome,

Jo

 

Sat Sep 04, 2021 9:58 pm

Life is to short not to be happy. Finding someone you are happy with and clique with is a rare thing don't throw away potentially something special. I'd have a serious talk with my child about respect and consideration and your feelings. It's seems in life it's your turn to find happiness 

Sat Sep 11, 2021 9:53 pm

Ritz, I am truly sorry to hear of your situation with Panguy. I would say it is very bold of you to side with your family but your daughter must have had some very good reasons not to like Panguy. What about your friends? Have they said anything to you? I personally don't know Panguy but if you felt he is the guy for you then you would have to weigh his better qualities against his negative ones. I would just say it is very difficult for any man to get in a relationship with a woman who is very tight with family because he will feel he is always on trial. Also consider that Panguy is from out of the state of Arizona and has that to contend with also. If he has won your heart then there obviously has to be another way. I really hope you can solve this for the better. Mike

Tue Sep 14, 2021 11:13 pm

 Hi Ritz,

  This was one of the topics I did read the other day when I had some time to pop back in here and see what's what.........and I could tell right from the title it wasn't gonna be a good one.  Obviously sorry to hear about your situation, as everyone else has also said.  That really sucks, but hopefully things happen for a reason.  So maybe someday soon, down the road aways this might make sense.  We all hope it does for ya!  In the mean time......the best support group on the planet is right here, ready to help any way we can.  You know how to reach us........don't be a stranger!

 

regards,

bob

Fri Sep 17, 2021 8:53 am


w30bob wrote:

 Hi Ritz,

  This was one of the topics I did read the other day when I had some time to pop back in here and see what's what.........and I could tell right from the title it wasn't gonna be a good one.  Obviously sorry to hear about your situation, as everyone else has also said.  That really sucks, but hopefully things happen for a reason.  So maybe someday soon, down the road aways this might make sense.  We all hope it does for ya!  In the mean time......the best support group on the planet is right here, ready to help any way we can.  You know how to reach us........don't be a stranger!

 

regards,

bob

Thanks Bob , Ritz

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