Red Skelton's Clean and Simple Humor

Humor Before Humor Became Smutty ·
Red Skelton's Recipe for the Perfect Marriage
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four-letter word or be political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

Good, old-fashioned stuff, Lovely.  Thanks for posting this.

That was so refreshing and funny. Lovely, as you said without the four-letter words and politics! Good, clean fun!

Thank you for the laugh.

Enjoyed reading this again. Red was so funny.

He was an ostomate too.

Hi Lovely, what a hoot! I remember Red Skelton very well. Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

Terry

Hi lovely lady....Your post is hilarious.

He definitely was a clever comedian.

Thanks for the laugh....

T

:o)

And Gertrude and Heathcliff the seagulls! Thank you, lovely, for a wonderful memory! Red Skelton was a legend!

Thanks, Lovely.

Classic and timeless simple humor... Although the permanently offended will be upset by these "anti-women" jokes.

Hello Lovely.

Thank you so much for posting this as it is indeed the sort of humour appreciated by those who are averse to unnecessary swearing and politics.

I have never heard of Red Skelton, and presume he must be and American comedian.  Axl has said, as presented, these could be interpreted as anti-women jokes.  However, I have heard most of these and similar humour over here in the UK on a programme called 'THE LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE', where there is a balance between the men talking of the women in these terms and the women talking about men in similar humorous ways. It is interesting that 'The Last Of The Summer Wine' is now the longest running sit-com in the UK, which indicates that it is obviously appreciated by millions of viewers.

Best wishes

Bill    

Thanks Lovely, I had heard of Red Skelton's name but didn't really know his comedy, thanks to YouTube I'm now updated - and yes, he was hilarious!

Hi all, Red Skelton and Robin Williams were my favorite comedians. Thanks, Lovely.

That was a good one. Thank you for sharing. I never thought the one I posted might offend some women. I am a woman. I just thought it was funny.

Someone said that some people might be offended by my post about the jokes from Red Skelton. I am sorry if it did, it was not meant to.

Pretty sure no one on here could be offended by Red.   I think the comment was meant as a dig at those who seem to be offended by everything, unfortunately (or fortunately?) the easily offended have no sense of humor so  would probably not read "Just For Laughs" anyway!

Keep posting the good stuff, Lovely!  

I loved Red Skelton! Now that was when funny was funny! He was a good man and a great comedian!
The ways of old are now gone and never to come back.
Thanks for the great post!
Pup

Hi Lovely,

Thanks for that. There is such a thing as 'classic' comedy, and you just hit on some. Whenever I'm on YouTube, I somehow always end up watching part of the Johnny Carson Show. The comedians he had on are still to this day hysterical. Like Abbott and Costello. It always amazes me how funny the classic stuff is, no matter how long ago it was recorded.

Regards,

Bob

This is fun. I need some fun...so here is the only joke I can remember. There's a scientist and God. And the scientist challenges God to a contest of who can make the better human being. God tells him that he's on, at which time the scientist, in great delight, bends over to pick up some dust to make his human being. Then God says, 'No, no ... you go and find your own dust.'.... What can I say, it tickles me. Oh, and I found it online so better than my memory. I used to say dirt, I think I like it better.

Hi Gimo, thanks for sharing. I have heard it before. It was with dirt. LOL. We all need a good joke sometimes.