Ostomy Memories of Musical Instruments


PEOPLE WHO CAN PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT are to be envied. Not being able to play one is one of my life’s regrets. It’s second on the list, right behind never having made love to Marilyn Monroe. But anyway, I would like to have played the violin, or the cello. Those musical instruments produce such heavenly melodies. When my oldest daughter was seven, we started her with piano lessons. I decided to take lessons too. There was a couple, a man and wife, who gave lessons. We signed up with them, and their studio was just down the street from my office. My little girl lasted a lot longer, and did a lot better, than I did. If only I could run my fingers as productively over a piano keyboard, I thought, as I do a typewriter keyboard (this was pre-computer days). Alas, it was not to be. The one natural instrument that many people possess, their voice, is beyond me as well. I can’t even sing in the shower. But I can whistle! This seems to annoy my family, especially when I do it in any type of public setting, such as a store where, odds are, I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. Once I got thrown out of a library because I was listening to Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and whistling along with it. I was wearing a headset and didn’t realize that I was whistling, but it carried throughout the small library. I can’t think of any other places that I have been thrown out of, but who knows? Memory is so faulty when it comes to such experiences.


I have no musical skills either. I am the one clapping by myself when trying to keep time with the music.

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Hello HenryM.
I agree with you about ‘player envy’ when it comes to musical instruments.
I could play the washboard quite well in the days of skiffle; I could also play the spoons and tap out a steady rhythm with pencils (or fingernails) on my desk , but that’s as far as it went.
When I went to college we were expected to play an instrument and I was given the only one left that was available, which was a trombone. I had every intention to give it a go, but before I could do so, my car was broken into and the trombone was stolen. When I told the music teacher, he informed me that it was not insured and that I would have to replace it. I was amazed and disappointed that the college did not insure their equipment and expected me to pay for another trombone. Interestingly, according to the police, the thieves did not want the instrument but wanted the case to carry their other ‘swag’ unnoticed. They had thrown the trombone over a hedge – which just happened to be at the back of the music block!
That was the end of my trombone playing as I was unwilling to take any instruments out of the college. However, later, there was a ‘project’ whereby we were tasked to make an instrument of our own choice. Mine was to be a zither, made from materials that were completely ‘free’ and recycled. I did like the sound of the Zither which, at the time was played magnificently by Shirley Abicare. I could get a tune or two out of it, but was never competent enough to play in public.
I also fancied the harmonica because it can be easily carried in one’s pocket, but I never got around to buying one.
I now have to be content in the knowledge that the time for me to learn to play has probably past and I now support my grandchildren in their efforts in this task.
It should be said that I do occasionally manage to get a reasonable tune out of playing the radio!
Best wishes


I have never gotten around to playing a musical instrument either. I did have good intentions of trying to play a guitar. I bought one a few years ago and it's still in the back of my cupboard untouched. LOL makes a good feature though. LOL xx

ron in mich

Hi all, I always wanted to play the guitar as my oldest brother could, but he would never let me try on his as his excuse was I would knock it out of tune. As far as a piano, my youngest daughter took lessons from a local retiree lady supplementing her income. My daughter also played percussion instruments in the high school band. It's kinda funny as during winter, I would bring her to piano lessons and then afterwards, I would bring her to hockey practice.

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Back in my younger days, I wanted to play the guitar as I love guitar music. I bought a book and got a guitar. I cut my nails real short. I tried and tried to play it. I could not even make a note. What I was told was if you can't hold the strings down enough, you can never play. Like I said, I tried and tried, but I was what they say, I was killing the strings. My fingers were so sore I had to quit. I also cannot carry a tune in a bucket. But I am good at clapping and listening. LOL


I also had a very short spell at trying to play the guitar. my fingers were so big that there was no way they could press on one string without pressing on the ones next to it.  Thus, ending any hopes in that direction.

Best wishes


Past Member

Played the violin as a child but was never keen on the practice involved to make it sound worth listening to (either that or my parents requested to give it a rest!) It did teach me how to read music though. Learned to play the guitar as a teenager but again the practice involved drove me crackers (and didn't like the calloused fingertips!)

My family had an electric stand-up organ that I liked to play, had all those hilarious special sound effects which kept us entertained for hours.

Not quite Barry Morgan and his world of organs as seen below but great fun!

Past Member

Since I am pretty new at this being an ostomate, I thought the title meant the sounds that come from our stomas. Mine mostly sounds like cat shrills. My cat was on my lap one day and it freaked her out. I, at times, wonder what that sound was, only to realize it is me. So, onto the actual topic. I tried piano and guitar but to no avail. I can, however, write tunes and have done a lot of solos and shared them at church, mostly when I was preaching. I also write jazz songs and even went so far as going to a sound studio and got 4 recorded. I got old faster than I thought and didn't do anything with them as time just kept flying by. All of my creative stuff, painting, singing, and writing tunes came in my late 40's. Why couldn't I have been at least 30 lololol? Oh, I have a friend who mainly plays piano but also a few other instruments and I was shocked to realize she had never written a song. So for those of you who could never play, maybe you should take up songwriting and singing, all except Lovely who admits she has to sing with her head in a bucket. Love ya Lovely, hope it's okay to poke a bit of fun at you. Linda

Reply to Anonymous

Hi Linda, it is okay. That saying means I could not carry a tune even if it was in a bucket. LOL

Past Member
Reply to lovely

I knew that I was going for funny. You seem like a very sweet soul. Linda

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