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Ostomy Memories of Weddings & Funerals

Thu Jan 06, 2022 3:15 am
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WEDDINGS DEPRESS ME MORE THAN FUNERALS. Knowing how ill-prepared most people are for the challenging realities of married life, and knowing that current statistics reflect that 45 % of marriages are terminated by divorce, I find it difficult to get excited about the commencement of a relationship which is as apt to fail as not. The divorce rate is actually down 5 % from the 50 % mark in the Eighties, likely due to (1) an increasing number of people are waiting until they’re older before tying the knot, and thus making better choices in a mate, and (2) many couples that break up these days never got married. In addition, I have disgusting memories of my mother being drunk when, as an adult myself, I walked her down the aisle for her fourth marriage which, to no one’s surprise, ended in her fourth divorce. A good funeral, on the other hand, can be a comforting celebration of a life well lived, an opportunity for friends and family to come together to share fond memories of the dear departed. A funeral should be a solemn but thankful commemoration of the honoree’s achievements and, even if the speakers have to get a little creative in some cases, what does it hurt? So, I come away from a wedding wondering how long it’ll last; I leave a funeral thankful that the person who passed is at peace and, in one case a few years ago, died before I’d paid him the money that I owed him.


Thu Jan 06, 2022 5:28 am

Good one! I only go to weddings so I can do the Chicken Dance! 🎵🐥 Kind of a 'thing' here. LOL

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Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:26 pm

It is too bad that young people go into marraige with the attitude that if it don't work out we will just get a divorce. Or choose to live together so it they have problems they can just walk away. My Pastor was talking about commitment and he laughed and said he told his wife if she ever decided to leave him she could just pack his bags too because he was going with her. LOL

Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:35 pm


Anonymous wrote:

Good one! I only go to weddings so I can do the Chicken Dance! 🎵🐥 Kind of a 'thing' here. LOL

I think a little video of how to do that dance would brighten everyone on here's day. We're waiting.....


Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:56 pm


AlexT wrote:

I think a little video of how to do that dance would brighten everyone on here's day. We're waiting.....

LOL Hang on...gotta put my party pants on... 👖 🥳😜

Thu Jan 06, 2022 2:13 pm


Anonymous wrote:

LOL Hang on...gotta put my party pants on... 👖 🥳😜

🤭 I presume you meant "change" into my party pants. 😮😂


Thu Jan 06, 2022 3:03 pm


AlexT wrote:

🤭 I presume you meant "change" into my party pants. 😮😂

LOL...home alone... 

Thu Jan 06, 2022 3:12 pm

Marriages are joyous occasions, funerals solemn ones. The fact that some marriages break up does not take away anything from enjoying the festivities. No one knows what the future holds or whether their marriage will bear the passage of time. Christina Perris' song " A Thousand Years" they say is one of the most popular ones played at weddings. The lyrics do indicate that the intentions are noble to begin with.

Thu Jan 06, 2022 3:33 pm


bowsprit wrote:

Marriages are joyous occasions, funerals solemn ones. The fact that some marriages break up does not take away anything from enjoying the festivities. No one knows what the future holds or whether ...

I guess you're more of a sentimentalist than I am.  You look at a young couple and see future loving grandparents; I look at a young couple and see divorce court litigants.  My legal education has perverted me, I suppose, and my experience.  But I understand your perspective.   Plus, "enjoying the festivities" at a wedding reception is always easier with an open bar. 

Thu Jan 06, 2022 5:35 pm


HenryM wrote:

I guess you're more of a sentimentalist than I am.  You look at a young couple and see future loving grandparents; I look at a young couple and see divorce court litigants.  My legal education ha...

Yes, an open bar helps, Henry. I had a Lebanese belly dancer at my wedding. What a lovely place that was once and what good-looking people. In the morning after the festivities of the night, we found a man totally tipsy asking everybody where the bar was. He had slept all night under the trees in the lawn after having one too many. When told that there was no bar, he said "What, no bar and I thought these people were well-to- do!" We later found out that he worked for the government.

Fri Jan 07, 2022 5:02 pm

Hi Henry,  I have mixed feelings about weddings and funerals.  I have attended weddings where I felt happy and hopeful (good friends who seemed deeply in love) and others where I felt cynical and sad (my dad and my soon-to-be stepmother).  As far as funerals go, I've attended way to many of the "gone too soon" variety,  and not nearly as many of the "celebration of a life well lived" variety.  

Terry


Wed Jan 26, 2022 1:52 pm

My solution to protecting my dear heart:  I no longer attend either. Instead, I go sit by the ocean and think of and pray for the couple or for the recently departed. Selfish?  Yup. But no one misses me at those events and I find my rituals much more meaningful TO ME. I'm 66 and I do what I know is best for expressing my emotions and being kind. 

Wed Jan 26, 2022 3:53 pm


Anonymous wrote:

My solution to protecting my dear heart:  I no longer attend either. Instead, I go sit by the ocean and think of and pray for the couple or for the recently departed. Selfish?  Yup. But no one mi...

I know it's a cliche, but funerals really are for the living, not the dead.  I have a dear friend who did not speak to me for two years because she was so hurt that I didn't attend her brother's funeral.  I do like your approach, but it's not always true that you won't be missed by those who attend.  

Terry

Mon Jan 31, 2022 1:10 pm


lovely wrote:

It is too bad that young people go into marraige with the attitude that if it don't work out we will just get a divorce. Or choose to live together so it they have problems they can just walk away....

I've been married over 50 years and highly recommend it!

Tue Feb 15, 2022 4:48 pm


Anonymous wrote:

My solution to protecting my dear heart:  I no longer attend either. Instead, I go sit by the ocean and think of and pray for the couple or for the recently departed. Selfish?  Yup. But no one mi...

Hi It'sin.  You call it "selfish", I call it "smart" for you and respectful of those who wouldn't miss you.  Your sincerity is the opposite of the majorities faking their ways throught it.

Mike

Fri Feb 18, 2022 3:42 pm

Human nature is such that friends always notice and some take offence if you don't attend a bereavement or wedding. The other day I heard a friend complain bitterly about another friend not attending her husband's funeral. If one cannot visit someone else, a son or daughter, can be sent on your behalf. I found the following very expressive words in an English journal:  " I don't expect my friends to get me through my grief, I know everyone has their own life demands, but I would have expected my close friend to be more supportive".  The answer to these questions:  " Many close relationships struggle after a bereavement, each side of finding the other impossible to reach. One explanation is the one that you gave: death reveals that you're not as close as you thought. Another is that people just don't know what to say to someone bereaved. Really, literally, they don't know what to say- people who are otherwise loving and perspicacious can get totally dumbstruck in the presence of grief........Friends fail us-- surprisingly often, especially with grief. If we want to stay friends, it helps to focus on what's next". 

Sat Feb 19, 2022 5:45 pm

Hey Bowsprit, if I read nothing else but “perspicacious” I would be certain you were 100% correct. Anyone using that word in a sentence must know what they’re writing about.
All kidding aside regarding death, you are correct! I’ve had my own experiences, felt my own disappointment and probably disappointed others during their times of grief. The phrases like, “they’re in a better place” just don’t cut it. The worst is, “I know just how you feel” NO, you don’t. Sometimes a hug is way more helpful than whatever words can do.

Mike

Sun Feb 20, 2022 4:13 pm

I've always found the concept of marriage to be unappealing, although I realise that I'm unconventional. I didn't marry the only man that I truly loved; for that reason - I loved him. I believe in freedom of the spirit and I have seen people change after marriage. Moreover, a lot of marriages become stale. Despite these views and beliefs, I am very romantic and I firmly believe in powerful love that can survive life and death and which is not dependent on convention or institution. Very interesting topic, Henry!

Sun Feb 20, 2022 5:11 pm


Mira25 wrote:

I've always found the concept of marriage to be unappealing, although I realise that I'm unconventional. I didn't marry the only man that I truly loved; for that reason - I loved him. I believe in fr...

Thank you, Mira25.  I hope you're feeling good and stringing some good days together.  Best, HenryM

Fri Mar 04, 2022 3:53 am


iMacG5 wrote:

Hey Bowsprit, if I read nothing else but “perspicacious” I would be certain you were 100% correct. Anyone using that word in a sentence must know what they’re writing about.
All kidding aside ...

You  are right Mike, very difficult to say the right words to someone bereaved, but people do notice who among their friends came and who did not.

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