DOES EVERYONE HAVE A POTENTIAL KILLER lurking inside of them? I have a good friend – he lives a few houses from me – who has never been arrested in his life, yet I know him to be a murderer. His wife, as fate would have it, is petrified of such things as insects and lizards. Somehow a harmless Florida chameleon got into the house and she went berserk, screaming at my friend to “kill it, kill it!” So my friend armed himself with what he had at hand, a rolled up magazine, and pummeled the poor little lizard to death. “It was just a chameleon,” I told him. “We have them all over.” I related how, when one gets into our house, we simply grab a cloth, pick it up, and put him back outside where it can continue its never-ending quest for edible insects. “Tell your wife that they're harmless,” I offered. That wouldn't do, it seemed. Several days later, yet another little chameleon had the misfortune to find its way into his house, again his wife went bonkers, yelling “kill it, kill it,” and again he committed an atrocity against the helpless insectivorous little fellow. He may have entered your house, I imagined, via a piece of wood you carried in for your fireplace. But I think that I would have seen it, he protested. They have the ability to change color, I explained. On a bit of old pine wood, it would have darkened to the color of the bark. “Oh my,” he responded. “I better not tell Carol that.” And while you're at it, I added, don't tell her that when the chameleon pooches his throat sac out, all red-orange and throbbing, it means he's attracted to her.
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