Ostomy Memories of Red Light Karma

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HenryM

ON A RECENT TRIP THROUGH TOWN, I think that I caught every red light there was to catch.  That has always been my cross to bear.  It’s as if the traffic signal sees me coming.  If I was a QAnon bozo, I’d likely think that the government managed to embed a chip inside me that signals the light as I approach it to turn red, here he comes!  Maybe it permeated my epidermis when I entered the federal building.  It definitely wasn’t in the vaccine I took since the pandemic began, because my red light karma began way before the coronavirus.  Or I might suspect that OPEC had placed agents in our city traffic control agencies to design a system that caused maximum starts and stops in order to expend lots of gas.  But, over the years, as I aged and some level of paranoia took over my thinking, I started suspecting that the damn traffic signals saw me coming.  I try to affect nonchalance when it happens so as not to give it the satisfaction of seeing me seethe.  Somehow, over the years, because I am a law-abiding citizen, I have not been ticketed for running any red lights.  It’s a good thing they can’t cite me for my fantasies, the ones where I’m tearing down the highway, blowing through red lights, thumbing my nose at the inanimate traffic control devices that are trying to run my life.  How do you thumb your nose, anyway?

bowsprit

That is funny, Henry. Making alternating streets and avenues one-way like Manhattan reduces that traffic light problem.

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Justbreathe

If a prince can do it - it must be okay.

Mayoman
Reply to Justbreathe

Little brat needs a "clip round the ear!!!"

Mayoman

In my town in Ireland, they removed most traffic lights. There are roundabouts and four-way stops instead of red lights. I think it works very well. There is only one traffic light where it's necessary coming into town, and it's the honor system after that! And it works! The streets are tiny, so sometimes the traffic will come to a stop, but generally, it's very smooth!

Patience is a virtue, Henry, but in our collective mind, we can take to the wing and fly above it all. Those new flying gadgets with air jets on arms and legs might be the perfect solution to rise above it all... and cause traffic jams in the sky!!

Magoo.

 
Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister
AlexT

Step on the gas pedal, Henry. Life's an adventure when you go through yellows at 90mph.

TerryLT
Reply to Mayoman

Can I take a moment to express my feelings about those damn roundabouts? I know the Brits love their roundabouts, didn't know the Irish do too. Maybe I'll rethink my plan of traveling there one day! When we were in England, just six months prior to Covid hitting, talk about good timing, we rented a car to travel from Portsmouth out to Cornwall, and then back to the airport at Gatwick to fly out. We were on lots of major routes with hours of traveling between some of our stops. We were on lots of major 'motorways', or their version of 'freeways'. We didn't mind the roundabouts in small towns, or minor routes with not much traffic, but we assumed that once we got on their version of a freeway, we could sit back and relax, and wait to see the signs for the 'off ramps' for our next stop. Not a chance! We got turned around so many times, taking the wrong exit off the roundabouts, with so many different options, and only seconds to make your decision. We were constantly in a state of stress, waiting for the next roundabout. I'm not sure who was more stressed, my husband, who was doing the driving, or me as navigator. People must learn how to navigate these monstrous things, or they would be outlawed, but I wonder how long that takes? The next time we go to England, I think we'll stick to the train! There, I feel a little better now!

Terry

TerryLT

I'm pretty sure those traffic signals see me coming too, Henry! Glad to know I'm not the only one.

lovely

I have had it both ways: hitting all red or hitting all green. I think they have them synchronized. If I come up to one and there are several cars ahead of me, the next one will be different when you get to it. If there are only a couple of cars or none, and the light is green, you can make it to the next. I live in a very small town; sometimes I can make it through several green ones. But it always seems that when you are in a hurry, all the red ones will catch you.

bowsprit
Reply to TerryLT
Mayoman

LOL.. !! They are the bane of my existence, Delgrl!! The roundabouts in cities, like Dublin, are terrifying when the traffic is busy. The easiest way to handle them is (like Chevy Chase) to stay in the inside lane and go round and round until you line up your exit!! The circle is often small with four or even more exits. The signs are so badly spaced it's hard to tell which arrow points to which exit!! Instead of building "Flyovers," they put these stupid fffngroundabouts in the middle of a nice straight "highway" and it messes up the flow of traffic. If the roundabout is near an airport, people just arriving in Ireland end up going the wrong way and cause head-on crashes!! I have almost done that myself. Small roundabouts are ok if the traffic is not too busy. Some people just stop and wait as if it's a stop sign and then don't know how or when to proceed!! In the right circumstances, they are ok but the ones in Dublin are a total nightmare because you're going 35 MPH and the signs are very confusing and way too small. Traffic signs in Ireland are improving but always too small and always too close to the exit to have time to decide which exit is the right one!! The traffic lights in my little town really messed with traffic flow and were broken half the time. The 4-way stops seem to keep things moving.

People driving on the wrong side of the road cause a lot of accidents. Bringing my brother home from the hospital, a young French girl was on the wrong side coming around a sharp turn and had a head-on with the car in front of me. Demolished both cars but walked away because of their seat belts and airbags....it takes both to save your life. I had let the guy in front leave the hospital parking lot ahead of me (being nice and polite!) Otherwise, it would have been a trip back to the hospital for us!!! Sometimes being polite works in your favor!!

In a roundabout, stay calm and go round as many times as it takes...is what I learned in Ireland. Magoo

HenryM

Here's a swell roundabout.  What could go wrong???

TerryLT
Reply to HenryM

I rest my case!

Mayoman

LOL!!! Now that's the perfect example!! Merging can become almost impossible... merging into and out of the Roundabout can become impossible, literally!!

If only one of the four or five access roads is blocked then that's it, nobody goes anyplace!!

Magoo

TerryLT
Reply to Mayoman

Thanks Eamon, that makes me feel validated! So, even people who live with them hate them? What kind of sadist came up with the idea in the first place? I remember venting my frustration about roundabouts to one Brit that we met on our trip, and I swear he acted like I had personally offended him! We do have roundabouts here actually, but very few, and only in residential neighbourhoods, where they work very well. No need for 'courtesy corners' which too many people ignore, so it cuts down on collisions at these intersections. They really have no place in high traffic areas though. Insanity! You described it perfectly!

Terry

AlexT

I don't mind roundabouts, I mind the people trying to figure them out. They put one up in the neighborhood I grew up in. It also happens to be where one of the parking areas for school buses for the city happens to be. Guess what? School buses can't make the circle without going up on the curb, dumbasses.

bowsprit

An' the moon she climbed the 'azels, while a night-jar seemed to spin. That Pharaoh's wisdom 'oer again, is the truth of lose and win. For "up and an' down an' round," said 'e, goes all appointed things. And losses on the roundabouts means profit on the swings!" Patrick Chalmers.

This is Ascot races all week and I am a bit giddy.

SallyK

When I read your titles, Henry, it is always with anticipation. LOL! Oooo, I wonder what kind of 'Red Light' karma he will be talking about today?

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