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Do You Really Want to Know How You're Going to Die??

 
This is the best website for people with an Ostomy. So much understanding.

Ah death.........the topic no one likes, but will happen regardless.  Well, the ol' forum seems a bit slow lately, so let's liven it up a bit. 

Here's the question......if you could be told with a very high probability what you will die of.............would you REALLY want to know?  Now think about this a bit.......there's ramifications to either answer.  Some of you may already know.........so I'm not talking about you.........I'm asking this of folks who don't know.  You won't be told how long you'll have to live, or what your quality of life will be until the day comes.........only what it is that will kill you. 

So.......do you want to know.........or would you rather take your chances and just keep chugging along fat, dumb and happy until the day comes??  There's no right or wrong answer, so be honest.  I think this will be an interesting one.  I'll give you all the backstory on this question after the replies come in, as I don't want to influence your answers.  Happy Friday everyone!

;O)

bob

 

I’m pretty good at being fat, dumb, and happy, so I’m good with not knowing. 

MeetAnOstoMate - 28,298 members
 

Im with Alex T accept with the fat part I used to be not anymore but I'm good with being dumb and happy don't wanna know with certainty....

 


Homie With A Stomie NS wrote:

Im with Alex T accept with the fat part I used to be not anymore but I'm good with being dumb and happy don't wanna know with certainty....

Hey........it's just an expression.........I'm not saying you guys are fat.  Well.......not ALL of you!! (wink, wink)

;O)

 

I will join the fat, dumb and happy club. 😊 No need to know.

 

No, I don't want to know. Only hope it's quick. 

 

Yes and lived with it for almost 30 years benign desmoid tumours on my small bowel will wipe me out next time one of them pops, the little rascal put me in hospital 2 weeks ago for 1 week but it's not my time to go just yet....I'm still fat dumb & happy......Life is good 1 Life live it!

 

What a sombre subject! Like you've said some already know, the one's who don't, don't have to lose any sleep over it. It will come when it comes. Those looking for a fast exit can go the wine, women and song route, guaranteed happy way to go.

 

I'd definitely choose to know. 

 


StPetie wrote:

I'd definitely choose to know. 

Really? What if it is something you really enjoy like music and you find out music will be the thing that kills you (as Bob said you won't be told how long you'll have to live, or what your quality of life will be until the day comes.........only what it is that will kill you.)  Then you would probably stay away from the very thing you love!

 

Well according to my surgeon, I was in such bad shape when they did emergency surgery that he 100% didn't think I would make it out of the OR. I don't remember the days leading up to that surgery and followed with several weeks in a med. induced coma and being heavily sedated if I had died during any of it, looking back, I would of be 100% okay with it. So no need to know for me :)

 

I'll say no. If it's a car accident, I don't want to be anxious every time I'm in a car. Or if pain is likely involved in any other manner, I'd not want to know what I'm in for. I'd rather obliviously tool along through life and enjoy being present as much as possible (which is a challenge itself.) 

 

interesting question. 

I’d say yes, tell me! 

 


w30bob wrote:

Hey........it's just an expression.........I'm not saying you guys are fat.  Well.......not ALL of you!! (wink, wink)

;O)

W30bob you want to be right with God death is only the beginning 

 

Hello Bob.

Thank you for this thought-provoking and interesting question, which for some (including me) might also have some tangential relevance to life with a stoma.

The question doesn’t include the fact that we all know with some certainty that we are going to die of something. We won't be told how long we'll have to live, or what our quality of life will be until the day comes, but death is pretty certain.

My first contribution to this discussion would be via the rhyme ‘Life & Death’ below:

LIFE AND DEATH.

I SOMETIMES PAUSE AND WONDER WHY.

I’VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID TO DIE.

PERHAPS MY TIME HAS FLOWN TOO FAST.

TO PONDER IF MY LIFE WOULD LAST.

I’VE TRIED TO LIVE WITHOUT REGRET.

AND I WILL DIE WITH FEWER YET.

AND I EXPECT TO DIE ONE DAY.

WHILST DOING WHAT I DO – MY WAY.

I’VE LIVED MY LIFE BY MY OWN RULES.

NOT BY THE FADS OF EXPERT FOOLS.

SO EVEN WHEN I’M DEAD AND GONE.

MY PRINCIPLES WILL LINGER ON.

                                                                                B. WITHERS (03-02.1998)

(in: Contemplation 2010)

Fortunately, I have already contemplated this subject very carefully and at some length, so I have a fairly comprehensive answer, which is far too long to repeat here, but is documented in my book ‘SOD: Self-Organised Death’(2018).

The title of the book somewhat gives away the short answer to your question, which is, it would not matter whether someone told me I was going to die or not, because I already know that fact.

Hence: your presentation of a choice between two alternatives does not entirely fit with  my own perception of the concept.

I believe that ‘my’ life should be one with definable quality, not defined by quantity. Thus, if the quality of my life deteriorates beyond an ill-defined point, then I fully intend to end it in a peaceful and painless method of my own choosing.  This concept is encapsulated in the verse below:

 Self -Organised Living And Reflecting- SOLAR

Self -Organised Dying  - SOD.

Self-Organised is how I am

throughout my life ad nauseam.

So as my time for death draws near.

why should others interfere?

Euthanasia’s another name

to wit, a concept I acclaim.

To some, the concept may seem odd

Self-Organised Dying - in short, is SOD.

SOLAR in my recollection

is Self-Organised Living And Reflection.

All my life this was my creed

so in death, it’s what I need.

SOLAR’s for life and SOD’s for dying

so when at last I give up trying. 

Upon my grave, I hope it says

under this SOD, another lays.

                                               B. Withers 2008

(In: SOD: ‘Self-Organised Death’ 2018)

I hope my answer goes some way to addressing your question but it comes with a caveat, which is that: The way I feel about this subject has never meant to be evangelical. I believe that each individual ought to think these things through for themselves and come up with their own answers. 

Best wishes

Bill  

 


Diamondflo wrote:

W30bob you want to be right with God death is only the beginning 

I would want to know make sure I

am right with God hell is real don’t want to go there 


 

A part of me says I would like to know but my anxious self says no way! So I’m on the fence with this one.

 

Hi all i dont want to know how why or when but with both my parents dieing of heart failure it probably is in the cards for me also.

 

Definately don't want to know. I wouldn't want the time I have left to be filled with fear and anxiety. Besides, doesn't everyone love a surprise? Lol😁

 

Bob I’m not scared to die even though it has crossed my path twice. I’d rather burn out than fade away. With that saying it’s in God’s hands. There is no way to plan for it unless you are on the threshold. The plan is LIVE and live on brother and sister!

 

The famous line from one of the best rap songs ever…..”death ain’t nothing but a heartbeat away.”

 

Hi Gang,

  Thanks for the replies so far!  The point of this question was to get you to think about something you may have not thought about......and then I'm going to tell you my experiences with it and explain how (for me) what I thought was a simple question turned out to be very not simple......and not what I expected.  I'm a bit surprised that many wouldn't want to know, but that's totally all right. I just figured curiosity was a big draw.  I'll just say to those who interpret this question as somehow questioning death........I don't.  It's coming sure as tomorrow is Sunday.....no issue there.  As for living life to it's fullest........absolutely!  But if you knew how you were going to die you could make a pretty good guess at how long you had left and figure out how to best spend your time.  And for those who are pretty sure they know how they'll die..........I'd just say don't be.  I know quite a few people who were 'supposed to' die from various things........and died from things totally different.  It's not that they wouldn't have died from what they expected......it's that something they didn't plan on got to them first.  That's all I'll say for now.......other than I appreciate everyone playing along.  

And a special note to Bill......who always amazes us with the completeness and deliberate way he addresses each subject!!  Amazing!  And Bill.......I'm with you 100%.  When the day comes I feel I longer can contribute to humanity, or my pain becomes too great and see no good outcome......I've got one in the chamber ready to go!  Just got to remember to hang all the plastic sheeting around so as not to make too big a mess for the next owners of my home! 

Thanks again everyone!!  Keep 'em coming! 

;O)

bob

 


ron in mich wrote:

Hi all i dont want to know how why or when but with both my parents dieing of heart failure it probably is in the cards for me also.

Not necessarily, Ron. True, we inherit propensities towards certain conditions but they're not sure things. My mother never wasted an opportunity to tell me that, because I took after her in so many ways, I would have malignant hypertension by the time I was forty. It didn't happen. She was a chain smoker, among other things, who saw life through a negative lens. I chose to right my addictions, practice mindfulness and forgiveness and enjoy life and I don't have any of her medical conditions. I have OTHER ones but not hers! I hope this proves true for you, too 🤗

 


SallyK wrote:

Really? What if it is something you really enjoy like music and you find out music will be the thing that kills you (as Bob said you won't be told how long you'll have to live, or what your quality...

Well, going with the music analogy, I prefer a shorter life of things that make me happy to a longer life without them. So the amount of music in my life wouldn't change. My earlier life kind of forced me to get comfortable with the fact that life ends. So I don't have any concerns about my death. I have much more stress over my family history of living too long.  

Good to see you back, Sally!

 

Bob… I definitely want to know. Being a person with no secrets..no lies told.. no holding back …living my life to the fullest I can 

I definitely want to know . Somethings are good to be surprised,but my future I like to control.

Ritz

 

Surprise me! lol  I definitely do not want to know ahead of time.  I would be thinking of it too often and I prefer to have happy thoughts and be around good people and live my best life.  

 

I am aware my end is likely to be from CKD for which the hospital have told me there is nothing more they can do as I am not suitable for dialysis, I  have been removed from their list and my kidneys are no longer being monitored. At the moment I am so sick of the constant itch which drives me mad particularly at night when I want some sleep that I often find myself crying and asking God to take me now as I cannot take any more. I am still here writing this after just such a terrible night when I also had to change my ileostomy twice, when I did finally manage a little sleep my waking time was 2p.m. and I had managed about 3 hours. sleep. Earlier when I got into bed to try my last attempt to sleep, I felt so ill I could not have cared if I woke or not, but here I am not so itchy and a bit refreshed writing this. Just because you think you know what you are going to die of does not mean you will, something else may creep up and bite you on the bum. a good dose of Covid for example, so never give up even if you know what is supposed to kill you you could be wrong. My heart stopped when I had my op,51 yrs ago, but that did not kill me, Ah well they say only the good die young, so I've a few yrs yet so perhaps it will be the end of the world that finally does the trick. Keep laughing!

 

'I want to die like my dad, peacefully in his sleep. Not in panic and terror like the passengers on the coach he was driving at the time'.

(Sorry, trust a priest to lower the tone of the moment with inappropriate humour...)

 

It fascinates me as I realize how much we can learn from each other here at MAO.   Learning, IMHO, is different from education and I really want to learn all I NEED to learn.  It’s difficult for me to address the subjects of life and death without getting a little religious and some folks want us to avoid the concept.  So I’ll do my best to avoid the bible, scripture, Sister Mary Josepheta, Father Michael and all the Popes who wrote the stuff they wrote.  I do, however, believe you and I and every living creature was created.  Maybe we evolved from something different from what we are today but it all started with creation.  There are many references to “the beginning” but I question what was before the beginning.  Foilks talk about heaven and hell and I wonder if we’re really here just to be judged; to be rewarded or punished for how we lived our lives.  I don’t think the Creator decides when to pull the plug but has given us the ability to figure out lots of stuff related to longevity and quality of the time we have.  If we just die, like stop living, will we care?  If there’s no afterlife we’ll just be in an eternal coma.  So what?  It won’t hurt and there won’t be any busses, trains or planes to miss.  We won’t know if we’re dressed or not, if we brushed our teeth, tipped the waiter or forgot anything else.  We just won’t be.  Now, knowing precisely when that relief will occur is something else.  So Bob, given a choice, I’ll go with the FDH gang.

Respectfully,

Mike

Azdancer
Nurse
 

Does not matter to me whether I know or not, I know that God has a mansion prepared for me in His kingdom so anytime He says, “ come on up “, I’m ready! 


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RN, BHA
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