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Another Thanksgiving is in the books....

 
This is the best website for people with an Ostomy. So much understanding.

Well, my daughter,her boyfriend and I celebrated our Thanksgiving today (as I worked yesterday). I spent the day cleaning (as I work so many hours a week, it is genuinely hard to keep up with the housework-especially with 5 cats), anyway, I made 2 pumpkin pies from scratch (only because my daughter loves them so), did a load of laundry--managed to squeeze in a short nap-shoved the ham in the oven, took a shower--my daughter and her boyfriend show up with a bowl of garlic mashed potatoes (which were delicious by the way). I popped open a can of cranberry, shoved some steamable peas in the micro then I popped in a sweet potato casserole with a lovely praline toppinginto the micro, slapped the hawaiian rolls on the tablet and then we sat down to eat. The dinner conversation consisted mainly of my daughter and her boyfriend talking about the dysfunctional family life that they have at home (they live with her boyfriend's parents).

Everything was going along fine until my daughter noticed some mats on one of her cats' bellies--now, keep in mind that I have 5 cats and 2 of them are hers. At finding the mats, she ended up going into a full blown meltdown on how I'm not taking care of the cats! Seriously??? I mean if you care so much about them, why don't you come over and brush them once a week or better yet, take your 2 back home with you???? Then she starts going on about how I disrespect her feelings and treat her like a child--then she comes across with calling me a narcissist and because I "work from home" that I should be able to find the "time" to brush and take care of her cats--again what???? At this point I just said you know what? You do this on EVERY holiday! It's like you can't even have a good time without finding some fault with me and how I'm not doing what she expects of me. Her boyfriend just sat there the whole time and didn't say a word--I just looked at him and said "I'm glad she's going home with you". 

I also had bought her some Christmas decorations for her desk at work, a truffle advent calendar, and some Christmas stockings for her and her co-workers (she can fill them herself!). I slapped one of the pumpkin pies on the kitchen table said "here's your pie-you can take it home with you"-I grabbed a cigarette and went out on the patio. I left the 2 of them inside. While I was outside trying to compose myself with the emotional pummeling I had just received, when my daughter opens the back door and says "it's unfortunate that the evening had to end this way" so I said, "yes, it's unfortunate that every holiday has to end this way" and then she says, "do you still want me to take the Christmas stuff for my desk?" I say "yes, I bought the stuff for you". She then shuts the door, I finish my cigarette, take a deep breath and prepare to go back inside. When I do, I discover that they have both left with the pie and the bag of Christmas stuff.

Parenthood is highly overrated. I think that this will probably be the last holiday I spend with my daughter, just for my own sanity. Sorry that this is so long, but I really just needed to vent. Thanks for letting me share--love you guys!

 

This sounds sooo familiar!  Keep doing the family thing as it get better over time.  Love family time as awkward as it may be!  John. 

MeetAnOstoMate - 28,893 members
 

Kids, the price we must pay for grandchildren…..but it’s well worth it. 

 

I should have came over, that would of been entertaining. 😁 Anyone in my family knows I’m not the one to be pissy to cause I could give 2 Fs if I talk to anyone, otherwise I’m a pretty cheery person. 😂 BTW, I woulda sent the 2 cats home with her. 😬🤭

 

Hello NancyCat.

What can I say, except that sometimes a good rant is the best way of outing all those pent-up emotions that might otherwise stay inside and be toxic to our wellbeing.

Your story has an element of your daughter’s partner staying quiet and seemingly thankful that it is you who is getting the brunt of her discontent, rather than him. I suspect that he will have been grateful for the respite.

Of course, another perspective might be that your daughter is venting her own spleen on the one person whom she has come to rely on to listen and respond.

Anyway, thank you for the opportunity for me to dig out one of my old rhymes for this occasion.

Best wishes

Bill

VENT A RANT.

I want to rant and scream and shout
and show my discontent.
I want to let the venom out
‘till all of it is spent.

So listen to me rant and rave
then you might understand.
The way you see me now behave
results from life’s crap-hand.

Sometimes I’m sick of all the shit,
the troubles and the strife.
I wish that I was rid of it
the pains and banes of life.

If my life was sweet and fair
I would not need to rant.
Because my life seems so unfair
I just need to decant. 

Pour out my feelings one by one
and empty out my soul.
So anyone and everyone
can see in my hellhole.

It does me good to shout and scream
take’s strain from off my brain. 
What better way to let off steam
it helps to ease the pain. 

Life has been both cruel and mean
to leave me as I am.
So now I need to vent my spleen
as often as I can. 

As I say, life has a way
of being most unkind.
A rant a day keeps life at bay
and lifts the troubled mind. 

So let us all appreciate
the rant in all its glory.
For rants are so appropriate
to tell a bad, sad story.

                                 B. Withers 2011

 

As my friend always sez to me “let no good deed go unpunished” !  

Reminds me of my daughter and me when she was around 13 years old.  We would get into an argument and I would tell her to “go to your room and pout your ass off”.  She’d stay in her room and play music and a couple hours later she would appear and act like everything was just fine.  Thankfully those couple of years didn’t last long and we laugh about it today.  

I think Bill’s response is absolutely spot on and well said.  

Hugs to you 
jb

 

Glad you got it out. Holidays, Thanksgiving in particular, can be really rough.

 

Holidays with family is rough..sorry to hear about the argument..my daughter can be critical of me too. I just stop giving notice to her critical words..pretend like I did not hear ...and move to another subject. Sometimes it works..take care. 

 

Hi Nancy,  I'm glad this forum gave you a platform for a good vent.  Sometimes it's all you can do.  I hope at some point your daughter realizes how lucky she is to have you, and I'm guessing that Bill is right.  Her boyfriend probably bears the brunt on a daily basis, so I guess you gave him a short break.

At least you have your daughter in your life.  It could be worse.  I have a dear friend who has not spoken to her only son in years.  Why?  His wife has somehow convinced him that his mother is an evil person.  It is heartbreaking, as she raised him on her own and sacrificed and did everything for him.  Until he met his soon to be wife, he and his mom had a very close relationship.  

Terry

p.s.  Yeah, I think I would have sent the cats home with her too!

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