LAST FALL, I TURNED EIGHTY. I find that it has changed my life for the better. First of all, as many of you can attest, getting old takes getting used to, like an obnoxious relative. It’s not something that creeps up on you over the years; it shows up suddenly, a rather brutal realization that hits you upside the head in the dead of night and knocks you senseless. Up till then, you see, you’ve been in denial. But then, there’s an occurrence. It could be anything from a midnight potty trip to an old friend’s obit, maybe a back muscle painfully objecting to you reaching into the dryer, or a flight of stairs that does you in. Suddenly, to your inexplicable surprise, you are officially, undeniably, irrevocably OLD. It may not be the same chronological age for you as for someone else. Some people, we have all known them, get old ‘before their time.’ For me, the eighty threshold was a bit of a shocker, I have to admit. But, now that I’m past it, I find that I am much more relaxed about my age. I have progressed beyond being a respected senior citizen to enjoying the protective categorization of impending senility. This provides me with a kind of shield akin to fluoride in my toothpaste. Any eccentricity which I display in public gets shrugged off as an old man’s weirdness. My saving grace will be that I have a lasting and thorough knowledge of the criminal law, so I don’t think I’ll do anything illegal. I won’t get arrested; I’ll just embarrass my spouse.
Sadly, I am one who was old before her time at 75! Hah
As my brother would say - "Gravity wins in the end" but mentally I still feel fairly young - oh yes, there are times when I will say or do something old, silly or stupid and I wish I owned this card that I could flash "the old people card"!
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Yeah, old does seem to catch up to us. I know my mind thinks I'm 30. My body disagrees. I have always been very active. Usually played racquetball 2 to 3 hours a day 5 days a week. Was very competitive with young bucks. Then blew out a knee in a tournament at 57. Had it replaced, but never really got back to where I was. Was it the years or the injury, who knows. Then there was thyroid cancer, around the same time as the knee. Didn't really seem to affect me much. Just that now I have a medication to take every morning, like an old guy. Now bladder cancer and a bag. Still plan on staying active, but damn, getting old makes it a lot harder.
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I didn't understand this scene from "High Anxiety" when I was younger, but I'm certainly getting it with each passing year of my life.
Example of silly old - Lol....not long after posting this I lost track of my phone - looked all around the house for it and then thought - duh why don't I just call it - well duh - quite old and silly .......it's the only phone we have you'll need it to make that call!!!
Eighty isn't old, Henry. Some people get their second wind at that age and are then having fun for the next fifteen. I heard an old codger's advice for longevity: "Don't drink too much, but don't drink too little either." Best wishes.
Hi Henry, funny you should choose this topic today. I was thinking about aging while on my walk this morning. I know I'm officially considered 'old', and yet, most of the time, I don't feel old at all. I'm still the same person inside, but I don't present the same way to the rest of the world. I'm looked at now in a different way, and depending on who's doing the looking, judged differently. I feel like yelling out, "Hey, it's still me in here, someone just played an obscene trick on me, and I'm powerless to do anything about it." The reason for my contemplations this morning? I'm facing the decision of whether to let my hair grow out grey or continue to spend boatloads of money trying to fool myself and the rest of the world into believing I still have that auburn shade that I got from my mum and have always loved because of it. Growing old gracefully is not easy, and I have to say (and I'm sure most women will support me on this) much harder for women. As for my decision, the jury is still out.
Terry
Hello Terry.
As the jury is still out on your decision making, I hope you don’t mind if I chip-in on this subject.
I have always encouraged my wife to do what ‘she’ wants regarding her appearance. However, I have also made it abundantly clear that the colour of her hair is definitely not something that is important enough to spend boatloads of money on. I actually much prefer the ‘natural’ look and perceive people to be more attractive, the more ‘natural’ they are. This applies to make-up as well as hair style or colour.
I suppose I have always been attracted to people for what they are and what they do,(their personality and behaviour) rather than what they superficially look like on the outside.
Our main interests in life such as writing, reading, gardening, walking, nature watching etc. are not activities that warrant creating a ‘false’ facade, and the people we meet along the way, are not people who think those things are important in comparison to other things in life. Therefore, we become more and more comfortable and confident with who we ‘are’ without artificial, and unnecessary ‘make-up’.
Gradually, my wife has learned to adjust to the changing circumstances of our aging lives and nowadays she is comfortable with the ‘natural’ look.
Interestingly, she seems to have become more concerned about how I present myself, but that’s a whole different story.
Best wishes
Bill
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I'm with Bill on this one with embracing your gray. I've been going gray since my 30s. I used to dye it, but after illness and surgery, I thought, "bugger it," got it cut real short, and just let it grow out and let the silver do its thing. Now at 56, it's well past shoulder length and still mid-brown underneath and at the back, but the front and sides are totally silver/white. I am hoping it goes totally white like my Mum's (think Helen Mirren's hair)! My niece said her friends pay heaps to get the exact same look as mine (but she was perhaps just being kind to her old auntie).
Anne Kreamer's book "Going Gray" is a good read about taking the plunge (and a good hairdresser can help with the transition). Personally, I think silver foxes are absolutely fabulous!
Terry, I agree with Bill. My wife and I went through the same experience a few years back. We were both quite happy with her decision to give up on the coloring and go naturally white. I thought that she looked better natural and told her so. It's not a matter of giving in to the aging process; it's more a decision to flaunt it, to let it be, to accept the wise philosophy that, in all things, it is what it is.
Terry, allow me to throw some more support on the heap. About seven years ago, feeling frustrated with getting only a couple of weeks' worth of dye coverage, I had a moment of clarity. I decided that I wanted to see what the heck was going on under there. I had never let it grow out long enough to see. I figured the worst that could happen was that I didn't like it and I went back to coloring. I also felt like, with everything health-related I'd been through, all of that absolute hell, I had been through so much worse than the color of my hair. It kind of empowered me. It was a real epiphany. I looked online for women who were rocking their grays (kind of like I did with people who were rocking their ostomies when I was in my decision-making process about that.) I stopped seeing it as just "old" hair and started to see just how gorgeous it was. It made me want to give it a shot all the more. I had longer curly hair so it took a while to get the brownish red out and the natural color in, and I invested in several soft, wide headbands to cover the line of demarcation. The first time I was OFFERED a senior discount at the movie theatre insulted my ego a little, but then I thought, "f**k it" and took it! If you're really serious about ditching the dye, I think that going into it with a "let's see what happens" attitude really helps.
My motto is "Once a blonde, always a blonde." Ahhh, wait a minute... silly old me, I was never a blonde - I changed to hide the gray! JB
Well, this is great! You guys just made my decision so much easier. I'm going to do it!! Like eefy said, the worst that can happen is that I hate it and decide to start dying it again. Bill and Henry, your wives are lucky. When I have brought up the subject with my spouse, he seems not to want to give me an opinion, just an "it's up to you" kind of thing, so that hasn't helped. But screw it, it's my head and he isn't the one paying over $225 every six weeks to maintain my charade! Of course he's been totally grey for years. Thanks guys!
Terry
This is a tough one. All I can say is that males short of hair on the head do definitely look better with a good toupee or hair transplant but even that can be disputed. Some have a shape of head that goes ok with baldness. Nothing wrong with trying to improve your appearance, including going under the surgeon's scalpel. You only live once. I used to believe in reincarnation, after all everything in life gets recycled, but it turned out to be a tenuous belief.