HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THOSE so-called human interest items on the Internet where they have photos comparing stars from prior movies to the way they look now (if they’re still alive, which sometimes they’re not)? I avoid them like the plague. Seeing how 89-year-old Kim Novak looks now, compared to how she looked when I was madly in love with her, makes me painfully sad. Name any star from the films of the Fifties or Sixties, the Seventies or even the Eighties, and you just don’t want to see a picture of how terribly time has aged them. “What a slut time is,” wrote John Green. “She screws everybody.” Who needs to be reminded that the true James Bond (Sean Connery) is dead? Or John Wayne? Or Paul Newman? I remember, one year at the Academy Awards show, they wheeled out 100-year-old Kirk Douglas and I thought, the crucifixion of Spartacus was less painful than this. I live in dread of the day I see the news of the demise of Clint Eastwood who is presently 92. Of course, the way he’s going, I may predecease him, thus saving myself that small bit of disbelief. Death solves lots of problems. I want my last thought to be ‘gee, I never paid John back that 50 bucks.’

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