Seeking Advice: Feeling Unappreciated and Lonely in a Long-Term Relationship

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dee05

Sitting here, I can't figure out why is it so hard for someone to be nice to me? I can't believe that he won't change just a little bit, that's all I ask... I work so hard taking care of everyone, my kids, my home, my child care..

Just once, I'd like him to acknowledge with a small gesture. I'm tired of being lonely but not being alone at all... watching out my window while couples walk hand in hand, laughing or just enjoying each other. I feel like I don't

Don't expect a lot from my family except respect and love. I love to watch how wonderful my kids have become. I am so proud of them with every accomplishment, big or small... why can't he just be proud

And say it out loud... children always want to make their parents proud... when one feels like there is nothing to improve within themselves, that is so sad to me... we all have room for improvement. How can you be with

Someone for so many years and realize you don't know that person at all!! I love life, whether just walking my dog or watching the neighbors' kids playing and laughing.... I love to tease my kids and God, how I love to

Dance... I also sing (terribly), but I do it anyways... I just appreciate life sooo much that I can't understand why he makes so many excuses... when you have been sick off and on for 8 years and now finally have control

Of my health, except for a broken ankle... I want to rejoice and share every moment with the people I love... Maybe it's time for me to put me first..... it will be hard, but I am young at heart and if I don't make changes

I'm scared I will get sick again. Look out world, here I come...

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to open my heart...

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PJT

I'm not sure how to read this, Dee. You sound happy but a little sad at the same time. I think all parents feel underappreciated at some point. Children, and sometimes spouses, have no idea what goes into being a good parent...the expense, the cooking, the cleaning, the worry, putting your own life on hold, not to mention having to watch the same Disney movie 20 times in a row! Life is what it is and sometimes other people's lives seem so much better. That's usually not the case I've found. Everyone has problems, maybe just a little different from ours. It's human nature to focus on the negative but it sounds like you have so many positive aspects to your life. Great kids, an appreciation of the little things, and a love of dancing and singing. When I try to sing and play the piano at home, my wife and daughter tell me to "just play the piano." Lucky for me, they're in San Francisco this week so I can sing to my heart's content. Hang in there and focus on the positive!

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Past Member

Dearest Dee,
I think most of us can relate to the feeling of "being alone in a room full of people". I'm so sorry you're in that place. I hate to think that your marriage has become less than your "safe place to fall". We all need to feel validated and look to our loved ones for that confirmation, but please consider the possibility that your husband is needing it too. Maybe there's something he needs to share with you. Have you told him that you need him? That you miss him? You desire him? We all get so wrapped up in the job of survival, we tend to forget it's okay to just be......Maybe a change in routine is all that's needed. You seem to enjoy the simple things...sounds very easy to provide, but you have to remember how you became so appreciative. When you're faced with illness, just feeling human again can change your whole outlook on life. For your loved ones, it may not be so life changing. He may still be in his responsible mode, afraid to just relax. You've become a vibrant, positive person who loves to sing and dance, he may just need the opportunity to get to know the "New You".
I wish you well in whatever you decide my friend. You deserve to be happy. Just make sure that you don't throw away the man who's stood beside you when you were ill for a song and a dance.........okay?
Good luck to you, BEG

Past Member

I can certainly sympathize with your situation, but I read into your post that almost every other line is how much you love life and your kids, singing and dancing.
Then all the other lines in your post are bemoaning the lack of attention from "him," I presume you mean your husband. Are you sure that this was not typical behavior prior to your illness as well? Obviously, your marriage has been fairly lengthy. Are you sure that you aren't misreading his inattentiveness?

I wish you well, and you try to take that first step. It might work.

Past Member

You did not say if you had tried approaching him. If so, were you repulsed? If so, you might try looking to another venue for what you want and need. Wait, I am not advocating infidelity, just another venue from the one you have now.



Good luck.



Jack

 
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Primeboy

I just saw an interesting movie called "Beginnings". It has a lot to do with why some men show such limited emotions. There's a lot of research now on male socialization and how young boys learn to suppress feelings in the interest of becoming real men. It took me more than a few years to grow up. Let's hope your husband takes less time. Life's too precious to waste.

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