It is currently Friday 29th of July and the time is 2:46 am. And I cannot sleep! And I haven't been sleeping well at all since...well since I can remember!! Not having anything to motivate me in the day has taken its toll and now I appear to sleep in till the afternoon, get up and spend my day watching TV and films and not getting out and doing anything. I have been semi-productive, drawing, painting, and doing other crafts like making cards but I'm just so lacking in energy! I eat basically all day and still fail to put weight on, and even when I do get a good night's sleep I seem tired all day!
The past few days I haven't been feeling well at all either! On top of not being able to sleep during the night, I've had painful attacks of migraines! When this happens, I usually lose my vision for a couple of hours, then I literally can't lift my limbs and I feel limp and weak, and then I'm usually vomiting when I move and have a painful headache. I don't get them regularly, maybe one every month or two, but when I get them I suffer so badly! I usually end up sleeping through them in the day which has a counter effect on trying to get to sleep earlier at night! I almost feel overwhelmed by everything now!
My looming decision to make which is going to completely change my life, all the stress of that is weighing on me as well as the problems caused by my migraines and then tiredness and feeling lethargic all day every day is piled on top of that! I'm really feeling emotionally and physically drained and just can't wait for the day that I start to feel normal again. I'm keeping myself occupied by reading my favorite books and watching my favorite films (both of which are incidentally Harry Potter), doodling, drawing, painting, and designing. I'm really letting my creative juices flow while I can because when I'm back in college I'll be doing science! When I feel good, I love it because I can go to friends' houses, go out clubbing and partying, and go out to get food and go to the cinema. I just keep myself happy by thinking of the time when I'll be doing that every night and actually enjoying my life!
Plus another brilliant way to keep myself occupied while I can't get out of the house is online retail therapy! I'm addicted to ordering new clothes and makeup and jewelry online! Plus, I love coming on here every now and then to keep myself up to date with the stoma news and whenever I have questions or problems, you cyber people seem like brilliant company!
Anyway, felt like I needed to occupy my mind until my eyes got drowsy for a little while, and what more relaxing way than to slowly fall asleep to the sound of my fingers tapping away at my keyboard?! Plus, I wanted to be slightly more cheery as I'm aware my last blog was a bit doom and gloom!
Will try and keep happy and document my good days as well as my bad, as I've decided from now on I'm going to blog more often! (Not every day because that would end up being a pretty boring blog, but days where I feel in a particular mood, or if something's gone drastically wrong or incredibly right for me!!)
Fran
Hi Fran,
Hope you eventually managed to sleep and feel better now. I've become a massive fan of online retail therapy since I had my op... Such a fan I may have to give my credit card to someone so I can't do any more damage!!! I hope you soon feel better, I'm sure everything you're feeling is normal and you'll get lots of support on this site.
Take care
PS, I've heard lavender oil is good for migraines but I find a cool compress helps.
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Hey Fran, there is science to this, but keep a 'gratitude diary' list ten things that you are grateful for just before going to sleep. List anything that you liked about the day. Anything, a YouTube video, some crafty artwork you completed, even a good part of H.P. you read that made you happy. It affects a part of your brain that acts like a natural sedative. But not a sedative, more like gear changing. It has to be handwritten if possible. Try a book called "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari." Being tired is 3/4 of the pain.
Hi Fran, it looks to me like you are suffering from depression. Your doctor may be able to refer you to someone such as a therapist to talk to you and help you get over the slump you are in. You have obviously been through a lot for someone your age but you have your whole life ahead of you. And sometimes it helps to talk to someone who could give you the tools and guidance to motivate you again.
Hi Fran, I for one love reading what you have to say, and anyone else. I've often not been able to sleep and gone on the site to read what others have to say. Keep posting girl, it's interesting reading. TC Ambies xx