I wish i could change the past

I wish i could change the past but it can't be done...there are so many things i would change or do, if i could.

I wish i could of told my Dad i loved him and made him his last cup of tea before he died, i wish i could of saved my Mum by being more forceful and making her go to the hospital, maybe she wouldn't of been so ill and passed away days before Christmas last year.

I wish that my brother and i could have more luck in finding a new home before we are evicted because my Mum didn't leave a will.

I wish i could be more outgoing and didn't worry about what people think about me. I would of stood up to the playground bullies which made my school days crap, if i had confidence!! I wish i had the courage to say yes, when i was asked to represent the school at hockey!

I wish i found my dream job within the fashion industry.

I wish i was more better meeting people, especially Men. I wish i wasn't so nervous around you guys!!!

I wish my depression didn't make me drive away the people i love and say things i don't really mean.

However, I'm slowly learning that i couldn't save my Mum and how could i have known what was going to occur. I know, my parents loved and were proud of me, i'm sorry but i do wish i could hear those words from them, to give me that much needed kick!! I am glad i have my health and my brother is still here to support me...my family and my friends, oh and i can't forget my beloved my dog!! I should start thinking more positively about the things i have got than waste my time thinking of what i could of done.

I'm going to be positive, for a change and say....a new year is coming...why not a new me!!

You will find a new home soon Debs, your Mum was very ill, it wasn't your fault. You can do anything when you put your mind to it. We all make mistakes that's how we learn.Hugsssssssssssss

Hello Debsyj,I was quite moved by your post and I am sure you are moving in the right direction. I feel positive that your wish will come true. I thought your sentiments and resolve were so positive that it deserved to be captured in verse. Thank you for the motivation and inpiration to write the verses. (see blog) Please keep in touch. Best wishes Bill

Thanks Stu, i know deep down i couldn't save my Mum and i haven't got the power of seeing into the future, regarding my Dad.I was just alone (my brother had gone to bed) and thats when my mind starts being active and then i can't switch off.I do think next year will be better...i hope so!Thank you once again Bill for the lovely poem you wrote for me.

Hi Deb, reading your post brings tears to our eyes.When we lose love one's there are always should of could of done this or that before they passed. And what Debsyj says is true. It's not your fault. And it's great that your looking forward to thinking positive in the new year. Best wishes and Happy Holidays! Donna

Thank you Donna. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year!It took me nearly five years to (sort of) come to terms with the sudden death of my father. In my mind, I thought he died without knowing that I loved him and was disappointed with me for not making him a cup of tea. I know now, my Dad loved me with all of his heart and soul and was very proud of me.The same could be said about my Mum, even though she was admitted into hospital and my Brother and I were told by the doctors they couldn't do anything...it was still hard. We were told by the medics not to tell her she only had days to live. I know she knew, especially when she saw her sister, which was heart breaking. She asked both my Brother and I on separate occasions, what's wrong with me, I'm your Mother tell me and we followed the doctors advice. In a way, I feel cheated again as I didn't have the opportunity of saying goodbye. I should really say, my parents were my rock. Before my Dad died...I didn't let my depression take over because my Dad always cheered me up...by playing the fool and giving me strength throughout the time before, during and after I was ill. My Mum gave me courage to face anything that life threw at me...she was the one who knew I was depressed and told me to go to the G.P and tell them.Most of all, I miss hearing their voices...laughter and my Dad being silly. I miss going out with my Mum for a coffee and a good long chat!I really do think I should be more positive and go and live my life again for them, as well as me!

hey dalz i lost my dad only 3 weeks ago and i dont think i have regrets . Debsy you can change your future remember its in your hands even while your typing .. What a strong person you really are debsy you have been through some tragedy .I lost my lil brother when i was 22 he was only 18 and with him i have all my regrets but as time has flown by i realized i cant do regrets they are way to hard . Even this blog of yours means you have the courage to write openly thats great i think xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx YOU GO GIRL xx mooza .Australia xxxxxxx

Thank you mooza for your comment.I'm sorry to hear about your Dad and your little Brother.I do agree, only i can change my future and hopefully the new year will be my chance to live again. I shouldn't let the past, the regrets effect me...it's not what my folks would want me to do-i know that. Yet, i still find myself pondering on it, especially when it's their anniversaries, birthdays etc. So saying all that, i am feeling much more positive with my life...i'm slowly ticking all the boxes and moving in the right direction. xxx

wow, good luck to you

Thank you Primeboy

Aww primo you alawaysd have words of wisdom. Thats nice and simple ..So i feel when words are written maybe that is THE first step ..xxxxx moozee

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