Finding Love Online: A Journey of Trust and Connection

Jan 07, 2017 3:18 am

Hi there, my lovely fellow Baggers,

That is the age-old question for all of us, with or without an Ostomy. Is there someone out there for me, someone with the same hopes and dreams, with the same needs, physical and emotional? You can't expect perfection in a friendship/relationship, but to find open honesty and trust in another person is a major addition to anyone's life.

I have spoken with and written to a limited number of people from the site in a personal capacity. Most correspondence has been in regard to Ostomy questions or advice on Ostomy products. A few people have picked up my email address, and I occasionally write to say hi and ask how their lives are going. However, there is one lovely lady who has made a major impression on me and has entered the most private part of my life and mind. She knows all about me (No secrets at all...a scary thought lol!!) and my family and has even spoken to my lovely Sis-in-law while we were on a video call (video calls are so cool!! Love it), who instantly loved my friend.

It has taken quite a while...almost two years!! of writing and texting to get to this point of mutual total trust. At this point, we have a video call a couple of times a week, and I have never had so much fun just laughing and chatting with anyone!! The most amazing thing is that we can have so much to say to each other considering the fact that we have never met in person!! I think there is a freedom to speak about anything and everything when chatting online or by phone with someone you have never met in person, the fear of screwing up almost disappears from consciousness. I guess that at the very worst, the other person will not call again or will delete you from her contacts!!?? I would, of course, be devastated at this point if this happened, but we are so close and know each other so well by now that I am totally secure in our friendship.

The next challenge is the actual face-to-face meeting!!! This is a scary thought for a guy who has not had a date in quite a while (Not telling how long LOL!!). I live in Ireland most of the year but spend several months in the US each year (for my health, the nice dry weather helps). San Francisco, New York, and DC are my usual stops on my visits. My friend lives in Texas, so that presents a little bit of a challenge but not an insurmountable one for either of us. We have set a deadline of sometime this summer for our face-to-face, and we are both like nervous teenagers going on a first date...what if she doesn't like me. Who does the traveling?? Me, I guess, at first. She wants to visit Ireland, and I think we can do that eventually when we are sure that we can stand each other's company for more than a few days.

That's really the question in this situation. As the saying goes... "If you want to know me, come live with me." Will we run out of conversation after a couple of hours? How painful will it be if we just don't fully connect? The connection is made when the first eye contact is made, "the truth will out"!! We have zero doubts at this point, and we are both convinced that our close feelings are indeed real.

I feel only joy when I see her lovely face on my screen, as I a silly teenager all over again haha!!

Whatever happens, we will have fun and will not worry about any long-term commitment.

So I was curious about how many people have found their other half on the site... I can honestly say that it is possible, just keep kissing "Frogs" LOL!! Just kidding!!... The Princess or the Prince is out there somewhere, and you will bump into them one of these days... keep on truckin' and don't give up the fight.

Not sure, but I feel a little insane, so it Must Be Love haha??? If you read this Ms. S... that means You!!

All the best, my friends, and I will update later on how it goes... good or bad. Magoo.

Jan 07, 2017 8:00 am

Nothing is impossible for stout-hearted men from Mayo. Make it happen.

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate

Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 34,000 members who truly understand you.

It's not all about ostomy. We talk about everything.

Many come here for advice or to give advice, others have found good friends, and some have even found love. Most importantly, people here are honest and genuinely care.

🛑 Privacy is very important - we have many features that are only visible to members, ensuring a safe and secure environment for you to share and connect.

Create an account and you will be amazed by the warmth of this community.

Jan 07, 2017 8:45 am
Hello Magoo.
Thanks for sharing your feeling with us in this way as it gives us all an emotional boost to know that love is still alive and well. I like to quote George Bernard Shaw in these types of situations when he said; ' ninety percent of everything I ever worried about- never happened'. Or. in gardening similes:
'The ground has been prepared, the seeds had been planted and are now growing healthily. All that remains is to reap the harvest and share'.
Best wishes
Jan 07, 2017 6:59 pm

Magoo, go for it. It may work. I wish you luck.... Angelicamarie, others had tried. Some worked and some didn't. That's not saying you can't make it work!!!! Angelicamarie

Jan 08, 2017 5:32 pm

Hi Angel, if we are lucky enough to find someone or something in life that can make us smile or giggle like a teenager, I figure enjoy it as long as it lasts. Having a good friend who "gets" you is priceless, and when that feeling is mutual, then you just enjoy the time without obsessing about the future... hey!! I might get run over by a bus tomorrow... right!! LOL!! Anyway, it's nice to find a good friend to share my inner thoughts and hopes... and fears with.
As a general observation, I do believe that both people having an ostomy (ileostomy for us) makes the whole thing much easier. I think that the stress and fear involved in dating a non-ostomate keeps us baggers off the market unnecessarily. I really have no other medical problems, look healthy and (mostly) feel healthy... the same goes for my lovely pen pal. She tried dating non-ostomates, but she always felt that the guy assumed that she was desperate because of her ostomy. This lady is strikingly beautiful with an amazing figure and a sweetheart personality to match; she would be anything but desperate. Her dignity was insulted by the condescending attitude of most men she met, and she just did not want to deal with it anymore.
I was always skeptical about becoming emotionally close to someone at such a distance, but I am a convert at this point. I think distance encourages and inspires honesty, and honesty brings closeness like nothing else can (allowing for the odd sociopath who can only lie!!). I believe that meeting the other person in the flesh before that honest trust is established could spell doom for a face-to-face relationship. So, I would recommend waiting until the two people trust each other implicitly before meeting in person. If that trust is first established, then (hopefully??) when the meeting happens, it will be like meeting an old friend without the stress and fear of rejection we might otherwise experience. Video chatting is the icing on the cake; there is nothing like looking at the person you are talking to.
The experiment continues. LOL!! Sorry... I'm afraid I rambled on and on... yet again. LOL!! Keep on posting, Angel. XO

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
Jan 08, 2017 6:50 pm

Mayo, you didn't ramble. You just voiced your opinion. Man, I wish you all the luck in the world! Hope it works out. When you say video chatting, you're looking at the person, right? Thanks for sharing such personal info with me. I feel honored!! For real, Eamon. Have a good evening, Eamon.

Jan 08, 2017 6:50 pm

Eamon, I didn't leave my name. Angelicamarie, you are a few more charged me up with your positive post. No, I'm not going to stop!!!! Thank again.

Jan 08, 2017 6:50 pm

Eamon, will you delete the one prior to this, please? I didn't leave my name, Angel. You and a few more left positive messages on my post. No, I'm not stopping! Thanks again.

Jan 08, 2017 7:41 pm

Please delete the second Jan 8th. I have too many errors.

Past Member
Jan 08, 2017 9:25 pm

Angelicamarie....I think you worry too much about typos or errors. Many people type on little phone keyboards ....add that to predictive text and things can get all mixed up !!! However, the ideas always come through....computers, smartphones, etc., are not really all that smart!!
About my online friend. Video chatting using Skype or Viber is so soooo much fun, you can have a laugh and joke, and you can see the other person's expression and their reaction....Not talking about the "Naughty" kind LOL! I haven't tried that....yet haha!! When each person can see the other, you can have a much more interesting chat. For instance, I know that my lady friend has a beautiful smile and she blushes easily, giving her cheeks a lovely couldn't get that from a phone call or an email!! You should try a video chat if you have a good online friend, it's a lot of fun... Magoo.

Jan 10, 2017 12:36 pm

Oh Magoo, that is so sweet. I have a feeling with all the talking you two have done that when you meet in person it will be like you have always known each other. It's something all of us humans want, someone to love who will love us back. As we know, life is short, so don't let too much time go by before you see each other. Get on with it.

Past Member
Jan 10, 2017 6:10 pm

Thank you Bluejewel, as you say, life is way too short to worry. Just having a female confidante to share my thoughts with is fantastic, "a burden shared is a burden halved. True friendship is a rare treasure!!
Getting on with it LOL!!!

Jan 11, 2017 12:04 am

Dear Magic,
I sense you are 'walking on air' and feel you want to shout it out!!! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Jan 11, 2017 12:04 am

Talk about typos! I spelled your name right. You can see I have a "smart" phone. Sorry

Jan 10, 2017 11:51 pm

Hello all! As a neo-ostomate (that's a newly modified human as of 11/08/2016), this whole conversation has been very inspiring. Life does go on from here. Awesome!!!
Thanks to you all for sharing and supporting. My stress is declining as we speak. As for typos, Angel, assume my spelling and grammar is perfect no matter what I type here. I know yours is too. Lo! (Autocorrect tried to change the word "grammar" to "crammed". - Makes you think, eh?)
Hugs to all,

Jan 11, 2017 5:50 pm

Hi Laurie,
Wow! You are a newbie!! Poor thing, you must still be in shock. Sorry to hear of your body modification, we all dislike it equally!! But welcome to the club. You will find many new friends here, maybe even a very special friend. I was lucky enough to find a very special lady friend, so I know that there is life after the initial misery. If you need any advice on products or tips and tricks, all you have to do is ask and someone will have what you need. Magoo Moran I use Google M, if you need to moan and whine a bit LOL!!! Yes, even that is allowed. It avoids having to put the load on your family/housemate/partner/spouse/kids/your dog....etc etc... Moan and bitch and whine all you like takes some of the stress out of everyday life. You will have times when you think it's all too much, but you will clean up the mess, put on dry clothes, and keep on keepin' they say LOL!!
The ostomy products are fantastic these days compared to when I first got mine, they make things easier and more tolerable.
Wishing you dry and stinky-free days ahead, Laurie...Magoo/Mayoman XO

Ostomate & woundr
May 29, 2024 2:30 pm

See me on private chat.