Coping With Post-surgery Fears And Ms Challenges

ArmyWifenMom

Feb 22, 2009 12:55 am

I am having such a hard time 3 wks out of surgery. I want to get back to the living. I have MS and the surgery has really drained me and all I do is sit in my recliner. I have no energy. The nurses say I need to give it time. I sit here and cry but if I hear my kids coming in the house I quickly stop and cover it up so I dont worry them. I have no one to talk to about my feelings. I am scared of how my husband will look at me when he comes home from the Army. He wasnt able to be here for the surgery. I see myself in the mirror coming out of the shower and I am disgusted with what I see......
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How will we have a sex life? We havent had sex for a yr now because of my incontinence and I was scared I would you know..... I have so many fears..... I feel like maybe he would just be better off without me so he dont have to deal with all the bs. The doctor's said I would be much happier and do great rather than wearing depends and going through 4 bags a week. Now I wonder...... to late though..... my nerves from the MS stopped and they had to remove my bladder.
I just want to know if anyone else had fears after surgery?

Past Member

Feb 24, 2009 1:17 pm

Dear Armywifenmom,  I too had loads of fears, insecurities and days when I wondered if it was worth carrying on.  Some days I still do, but after a year and a half, I am still 'standing' and feel much better about myself than I did after the surgery.
You have had a very difficult time and I can understand why you feel so upset.  Crying is a good thing, then hug and reassure yourself that time will change things.  Rest in your recliner as much as you want, you need to get stronger, physically and mentally.
When your husband comes home he will comfort you and I am sure he has been very worried about you, all alone, going through this trauma. You are still the beautiful girl he married, never mind the battle scars. Be patient, be gentle and love yourself for being so brave.  Sending you a big hug.

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Posted by: Nini4

Well, I hit the two year mark. I went back and read my posts from when I first found this site. I was very fortunate in that I stumbled upon it only 4 weeks post op. I have said many times that this community really saved me. The first 2 weeks after my surgery I shut down completely. It wasn't until about the 3rd week that my son came in to my room, flicked on the light and told me I was going to have to get back to living because I was scaring him. I had fallen into such a depression. He ticked me off, but it also made me stop and think- what was I going to do? Feel sorry for myself and sulk, or be grateful I was alive.

I've re-read my journals from that time and it was after my son kicked my butt, so to speak, I took an honest inventory and had to dig deeper than I've ever had to. I mean, I had survived a pretty nasty divorce, after a pretty crappy marriage and that was tough. But this was different. I felt like I was now a handicapped person who would be limited in their life and be looked at as a freak. My mental state was precarious, at best.

But then I found this site. I just lurked a bit before posting. I read so many of the other stories and I started to see just how full my life can be, I was not handicapped, and certainly not a freak! The stories of survival, the sense of humor, the support and compassion was inspiring. It was then I made myself get out of the dark, and get my sh*t together.

Not all rainbows and sunshine at first, hardly! But with grace from myself - to myself, and the kindness and willingness of the folks here to be supportive, non judgemental and openly share intimate details about their life circumstances, l not only survived but thrived.

I think of all the years I had suffered with such extreme pain, barely functioning, and the many hospital stays and how that is all behind me now. (All fingers, toes, and legs crossed that I never have to go near a hospital for myself ever again. I think I'd rather have a fork stuck in my eye. I loathe every about them.)

So, to everyone who has been a part of this journey with me, to say thank you is not enough. I'm forever grateful to know you all. My Angels, each one of you.

And as the Grateful Dead famously said,

"what a long strange trip it's been!"

Im so happy I'm tripping with you all.

ArmyWifenMom

Feb 27, 2009 10:06 pm

Thankyou so much. I cry reading your message not out of pity but out of assurance knowing Im not alone. I hope we can chat sometime there is alot of questions I have and fears. Again thankyou ...........

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sounitha

Mar 02, 2009 4:28 am

Dear ArmyWifenMom
I had my surgery at 12.I too went thro all the fears before marriage.But my Stoma was never a hinderance to my married life.I will give a tip which I am following.Always wear a Spanx under your dress.It gives you lots of confidence to move around and does'nt show that you have a bag.take care.

budd002

Mar 02, 2009 5:54 am

I too have had all those fears. In the bedroom area....When your hubby comes home and the time comes, if you are feeling self concious about the bag being in sight, in the way etc...do what I did, A) get cute crotchless panties or B) get a nice night gown and just hinke it up and tuck the end of it under the bag, still looking sexy but hiding the appliance as well.

I have to admit that physically I have it totally under control. Emotionally I have my ups and downs but look at yourself then look at the bag. You are bigger than it is and chances are he is going to be so happy to see you and the kids and just REALLY be home in your arms he won't give a darn about it anyway....

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eddie

Mar 02, 2009 8:57 pm

I had Cancer, had my 1st. surgery, Had a Respiratory Arrest and was brought back to life, my greatest fear was leaving my husband of 33 years alone, i loved him so, everyday i thanked God for him. I was 10 weeks post bowel surgery when my husband died at home suddenly from a heart attack, no warning, I felt I couldn't go on I wanted to die, but I had my son to think about, the Cancer came right back this time they took all the bowel and the rectum, i was going through the motions of living, working as a nurse and trying to deal with a ileo that leaked, but things did get better. I got help with the leaking had a grand-child and began to enjoy life again. It is painful and depressing and we do need to talk to someone, I know if my husband was alive he would love me no matter what, as I would love him. maybe you could find the words to talk with your spouse and share your thoughts. I don't know if this helps, but please give it time.
Eddie

softncuddly

Mar 11, 2009 12:08 am

Dear Armywifenmom, I to am a Military wife and like you my husband was deployed and couldn't be home when I had my surgery. My surgery was just over seven years ago now and I'm still with my husband (It will be 16 years in November). I went through many of the same emotions that you seem to be going through right now. I know your post was a month ago so now you are into month two I hope you are feeling better and are starting to get out of the house and live your life again. My husband was so happy to see me healthy and able to live again he didn't care about the pouch/stoma, he was actually quite intrigued by it. If you ever need to chat, please do not hesitate to drop me a note. I have had four surgeries now and my husband has been away for two (and they were the biggest), it's Murphy's law! LOL Hang in there, keep smiling...and don't give up, it will get better and things will work out for the best
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heavenly evans

Aug 08, 2009 10:48 pm

Dear armywifemom

Hi im glad im not alone in my fears and i feel exactly as you described in your post im 4 weeks post op so early days for both of us any time you wanna chat drop me a line.Ihave cerebal palsy tooand use a wheelchair full time

Coping with Post-Surgery Fears and MS Challenges

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