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I have experience with intimacy between two ostimates


Intimacy between two ostinates at first at least for us was just getting past the shyness of showing your body with your ostomy appliance attached.  

Although I am no longer and a relationship with this man it had nothing to do with our ostomies as a matter of fact because of our ostomies we thought that we were more compatible than we actually were

The first step is showing your partner your ostomy and letting them show you theirs if possible use a transparent appliance newly changed so that your actual ostomy can be seen before the bag begins to fill.

We started off necking or snogging or whatever folks are calling it these days basically exploring each other with kissing and touching with all of our clothing on.  Over time in the right place clothes can begin to come off.

Once clothing begins to be removed you both begin to forget about your ostomies.  


Sorry for shouting but I really wanted to get attention on this point.  It didn't end up being a specific problem for us but it had the potential to.

After that it just doesn't matter what you are doing next.  As your hormones begin to take over try to keep your brain engaged as well.  

If a forward-facing belly to belly position is awkward or presents problems besides changing to one person being on all fours.  You can approach each other legs spread One of you pivot so that her leg lays upon his pelvis and her heel on his chest and the other leg is almost beneath him.  As you interlock turn so that all of your weight is not on one persons leg.  With your heads now at opposite ends of your joined bodies kissing is impossible but intercourse is.  Learning how to proceed in this position takes practice I admit.  The In-N-Out motion of intercourse is trickier.  However having your hands-free to roam the other person's body near the juncture is lovely and can be quite sufficient for both participants to climax.  Using toys is great too but they are not for everybody.

I hope I have not offended anyone with my frankness but this seems a place to be Frank lol lowercase frank.

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Hello ostomate &.

Thank you for your frank description of an intimate ostomate relationship. I think I now have the images firmly implanted in my mind. 
Best wishes

Bill have great insight.

I need pictures though. hee Hee The writer clearly has quality .

Good read. Rated PG.



Is it getting hot in here or is it just me lol.

Yes agree being on all fours is one of my favorite positions although I wouldn't rule any others out either.....In an ideal world you would tell them about your ostomy and show them first but not always time in my younger days I've had 1 night stands where there wasn't time to tell them but was never a problem and most importantly if the unmentionable were to happen and you have leak with them just jump in the shower together I always believe in never wasting an opportunity 


Ok.  Well.......I posted a question on here a few months back asking what specific post do you still remember the most from this site.  I think for some........Ostomate &'s post above may become one of the few that fits in that category!!!   

Love the candor, we all need more of that in our lives!  But good thing I stopped reading after the third sentence, as there's some things about being an ostomate I really just want to figure out for myself.  But it's awesome we can count on each other for help in whatever area of being an ostomate we need!  

My hat's off to ya Jules!  Love it.  

Hi Ho Silver...............Awaaaaay!



I think I’ve snogged before. 🧐🤭 Hopefully I find someone to knock my rust off. I don’t see why any position isn’t possible just cause a person has an ostomy. 🤷‍♂️ Unless being a contortionist is now a requirement. 😮🤔


Great even with menopause this was described to well and now this old lady needs to go take a shower. 

Reply to AlexT

  (snŏg)v. snogged, snog·ging, snogs Chiefly British Slang
v.intr.To kiss and caress amorously. kiss and caress (another) amorously.
[Perhaps akin to snug.]

Yeah..........I had to look that one up!  Maybe I should come out from under my rock a little more often.  Then again....maybe not.


Reply to AlexT

Oh Alex...Don't  you know ostomy or no ostomy you become a contortionist one way or the other 🤫🫣🤭

Reply to w30bob

Don't  worry Bob I had no idea what it meant either...I thought maybe a fish or Alien attacked him ...🤭

Reply to w30bob

It’s just making out. They talk about it all throughout the Harry Potter series 😜


Two ostomates can definitely get it on without any acrobatics involved (and no knowledge of the kama sutra is needed, just some good old fashioned monkey lovin' is fine)😉

I would never use a transparent bag (and definitely not if I was about to get jiggy with it).

By the way guys, for most girls, it definitely ain't all about penetration! 😋


I have had my Ileostomy for 51 years. Had surgery at the age of 12 due to U/C. I have been married 30 years. I’m widowed now. I always wondered what it would be like to be with a woman with a ostomy. 


I have read all comments on this thread and now I must go get my eye drops 🤣jb 

Reply to Justbreathe

Don't forget your 'unhear' drops too!


Reply to J🙂

Whoa, monkey lovin’. 😂 so Jo, what’s it all about? Please explain, in detail or with pictures, I have a public education. 🧐🤭


We do share everything on here and this post is no exception but, I must say, I had to take my sweater off while reading it! Truthfully, once you secure that bag against your body, anything is possible. One thing I do miss is spontaneity; it just takes more planning with an ostomy, at least for me.🤔


Hi All,   Loved the " frankness" of this post..   For most of  us, we  had ideas about sex  & intimacy before we had our surgeries..   It was different for me.   I got sick at 12, was in and o ut of hospitals  and  out of school for 4 years ( UC ) before I had my surgery..   I was finally " r ecovered", b y the time I was  16, and started socializing and dating..   I h ad no plans of " having sex"/  omat that age,  b ut t hat didn't mean  that I didn't have  indulge in some intimacy before I married..   In my mind,   if I wanted a guys  hands to go below  my neck, I was going to tell him about my surgery....clothes off or on!,   I didn't want to b e caught by  his surprise, or get " WHAT's That"..  So I'd tell him that I'd had surgery,  put his hand on my  belly, so he could " feel" the faceplate/ & pouch.   As  yo ung as the guys were....for some it didn't matter, and if it did to others....I knew " he" wasn 't for me...   I enjoyed teen aged/  young adult dating and intimacy.    I happen ed to meet a guy ( through the ostomy club I belonged to (   his mother requested someone visit him)   when when he didn't accept the male visitor...... I tried to contact him..   After meeting him, he told me he had no interest in the association, meetings or being a member, but  he'd like to ask me out...  II was 19=   he was 17, but we were b oth basically inexperienced "  virgins"..  And that's how I happened to marry another ostomate..    Yes we loved each other,  b ut the ostomy ( that we had in common)  really did very little to " bring u s closer".   We had way different ideas of how to manage it/ live with it....etc.   Our whole approach to life was different...   so after 24 1/2 half  years of marriage we finally divorced...   That's not to say that we didn't have a really good sex life.   We learned together,  how to manage "" two flappin g" bags  ( tape them up).   WE both knew to deflate our respective bags  " before".     We experimented with all kinds of positions....   (  like d being on we alternated)..   There were some possitions that we preferred more t han others....and while he was more athletic than I,   neither of us were " gymnasts"..  It was all, good h ealth sex....and lots of fun...    I just wish we were as compaatible in other areas of our lives...      Just to let  you kn ow....that when I divorced in my mid forties,   I found that "m ores"  an d customes had changed,  and that " third date rule" was in effect...    I followed my own instincts, but learned eno ugh ab out myself,   to n ot let t he fear of " being rejected, because of an ostomy get to me.    I had more of an issue,  with all my scars, and my weight, t han I did about t he ostomy..   I'm 74 now,  and never did find another " true love",  b ut I've dated, and had some very rewarding long term relationships.   Intimacy, and sex is still fun.....and  I'm finding that " older men", some with issues of ED,  are more accepting  than we give them credit for..   As for eefyjig  " planning" issue....the only thing I plan is a shower, and  making sure there's no leak....    Have f un, my ostomate friends..     M...


Haven't done anything since 2004 when I scheduled the surgery. Another reason is I moved my mother into my home in 2006, after my father died. My attitude at this point is "Oh, well."


If you need instruction in how to play that game and you are middle-aged then you have lost already.


Wait one minute here. I’ve never known ladies could be so willing to discuss this topic. 😳 We have 1 lady that describes a position that I’m still using my crayons to figure out. Btw, I think I pulled a hamstring just trying to follow those instructions. Jo is all about monkey lovin’, still waiting for that full explanation. And now, Eefyjig is stripping. Don’t ever come to Nebraska, I couldn’t handle any of you. 🫣 🥰

Reply to AlexT

😂! You have a way with words, Alex, that cracks me up! 


Monkey style, doggy or side saddle its all fun, we,ve been at it for 48yrs. and 37 of them as an ostomate.

Reply to AlexT

Someone send him a game of Twister, will ya!  



Thanks for the details. However I think physical intimacy is natural when with the right loving person. The positions and physics just take over. I have a spandex wide kinda sexy mid section “belt” that covers my colostomy and has an inner pocket where I tuck the pouch. Makes me feel prettier. Physical relations are best here before dinner as no matter how little I eat I get a bulge behind my stoma. Mornings work too!


"let's get it on" plays- Marvin Gaye. :) 

Reply to dave.mccrea.278

You’re a good son, Dave.

Reply to w30bob

Bob, so she gets a Jules right off the bat and I get called crappy for weeks?? 🤣

I don’t think you understand terms of endearment/nicknames or however you worded it originally 😜

Reply to AlexT

Thanks for explaining eefyjiging Alex!!🙏...Never heard the term!

Now what in the name of all  that's good and holy are  s'mores and d customs????🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔


Well it looks like I managed not to put ALL of you off.  Since I can't afford a premium membership until payday in April I have to settle with using the forum and I was answering a question someone put out there.  If I seem a little cold & clinical it's because I was an ostomy nurse for 8 years and was teaching this stuff before I ever had to deal with it on a personal level.  My first husband God rest his soul could never really get with the program.  He loved me deeply but he was just not attracted to my new body.  He never said so and he tried to hide it.  But when you've known somebody for decades intimately you know their body language better than perhaps they know it themselves.  After he passed I had other health issues.  I really believed I would never find anyone who could look past them and see beauty.  The last man I dated who had an ostomy helped me to get past that.  He was a step towards looking for a relationship.  And this is where I choose to start.  As far as I can tell we're all grown ups here.  So if nothing else I hope I made you laugh.  God bless us every one.

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