Reasons I Would Not Win Mother of the Year Award

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CrappyColon

Hey, with tomorrow being Mother's Day in the US and several other countries, I thought maybe it would be fun to share some reason(s), if you're doing/have done the mom thing in any capacity, why you would not win #motheroftheyear

(I'll post one for each of my kids in the comments below)

CrappyColon

So with my son, I wouldn't win because he'd been saying he had shin splints for about 3 weeks and I picked him up from the baseball field one night and he told me it hurt so bad to run he almost started crying during practice... I may have asked if he was sure the pain was that bad and doctor's visit worthy (I do ask my kids frequently, "Is this doctor's visit sick or do you want to chill at home sick?"). Then I may have talked with him about persevering through pain and how we don't give up when something is difficult... thankfully we decided to err on visiting the doctor. Poor kid has a stress fracture and is still in a walking boot ‍. And none of us know what exactly caused it. People ask me and I keep saying, "I really don't know."

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate
CrappyColon

And with my daughter... I still think it's funny so that's one reason I guess, but the other is what I actually did with my son's help. We were looking for a new collar for our dog, Mali, online. When we saw it we knew it was meant to be, a lime green collar with hearts and squirrels. Lime green is my favorite color, my daughter doesn't like it. My daughter had vetoed every collar I'd shown her while FaceTiming from stores so I was over letting her have input. Mali really loves squirrels...she sits and watches them for hours... My daughter loves the squirrels that I feed in our front yard and names them all. She's really creative with some of the names. So she loves the squirrels and so does Mali. One day Mali may have got one and I told my daughter she had just tried to play with it like she does the stuffed toys inside. My daughter started calling the dog, Mali (pronounced like Molly) the Murderer. My son and I thought it would be hilarious to get this collar and I ordered it. We were way too excited when it arrived. I told him it would go 1 of 2 ways. 1) she'd be ticked 2) she'd cry. I was really hoping for 1) because if it was 2) I would've felt bad. And then I filmed her reaction to seeing it on Mali for the first time

w30bob
Reply to CrappyColon

Ummm... you do realize Child Protective Services monitors these posts for abusive parents, right? Just wanted to check and make sure you knew. Carry on.

;O)

arlencohen212

I think I deserve an award for being a good mother and grandma to a fur baby. My daughter thinks her fur baby is a human baby and she calls me all the time to watch her fur baby while she is at work. I have to play with the fur baby so she doesn't get stressed. I had to find a restaurant that accepts dogs for Mother's Day because the fur baby cannot stay home alone and get stressed. My daughter keeps a camera on the fur baby while she is at work and if the fur baby is stressed, I have to stop whatever I am doing and go play with the fur baby.

 
Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
CrappyColon
Reply to arlencohen212

I hope your daughter knows how blessed she is to have a mama who will take care of her fur baby like that.

CrappyColon
Reply to w30bob

Do you know how many background checks, state and federal FBI clearances I have? Maybe not as many as you, I'm not sure what clearances you need to make designer paper airplanes. I've gone through intensive 6-hour psych evals and still passed the psych update after having my colon removed. Thing #1 went to the doctor the next day. Then I moved around a bunch of stuff to get him into see a specialist asap. And you know I asked that specialist about 100 questions. If anyone questioned anything about Thing #2 I'd show them the video of her response to the dog collar for a dog and they'd understand. I've spent hours and hours with different social workers in my home while they've interviewed my bio kids too. Every level of my house has had to meet safety standards for providing respite care to foster babies and requirements for adopting internationally. Let me know if #bigbrother has any other concerns.

And I would like to see you survive one day hanging out with my daughter.

w30bob
Reply to CrappyColon

Ok..ok...47756121AG7.....retract the claws......I was just funnin' with ya!I've pulled you up in the database weeks ago, so no need to go into details about your clearances. Although you should note that one will expire in about 60 days......so you might want to get ahead of that one, with the current really long processing times and such. They're a bit short on agents right now due to President Shithead wanting to keep our borders wide open, making our agents have to spend their time chasing bad actors instead of doing their real jobs......so get those forms in EARLY!!But hey......your Psyche Evals are pretty interesting for sure. Have you ever considered becoming a Navy SEAL or Marine Raider?We could use more people like you! And we offer daycare and free toilet paper!!

Wow....I sure appreciate the offer, but have to say no thanks for the 'spend a day with my kids offer'. I wouldn't want to take any of that valuable 'wisdom building' time away from you.....so knock yourself out. If Rosie the Riveter can work a double shift........it's a piece of cake for you.

And lest I forget..........HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!Just sit back with your feet up all day and let them feed you cake and grapes by the pool!You've earned it sister!I might even send a formation of F-18's over your place around 3:00pm to celebrate your Mother's Day.....so wave when they dip their wings!!

;O)

CrappyColon
Reply to w30bob

The claws come out naturally whenever it comes to my kids and can take a while to retract.

I just want to sleep in for Mother's Day some year. This morning arguing with kids over clothes and them forgetting it was Mother's Day till their father called them and reminded the oldest I had almost died bringing him into the world so he had better shape up. Then we get to my in-laws and we're joking around how moms still do everything on Mother's Day, then they literally all had me carrying everything inside so my husband thought it was funny enough to stop for a picture before helping.

eefyjig

Haha, I'm just seeing your post now, Jodie. My kids are almost 33 and almost 30 (where has the time gone?) but I can think of a few: When my older son was about eleven, he jumped down the stairs while I was on the phone with my friend. He's my histrionic kid so, when he yelled, "Ow, I think I may have hurt my foot," I kind of ignored him. After about ten minutes, I looked at his foot and one of his toes was pointing at an angle. He wound up needing crutches because he had broken it at the growth plate. And when my boys were really little and I was exhausted, I used to play, "Let's see how many blankets you can cover mommy with" and then I'd fall asleep under there. Other than that, I think I did ok.

CrappyColon
Reply to eefyjig

I cannot tell you how many times I have said to my kids, "I am listening to you, my eyes are just closed." Did your UC start when your kids were younger?

CrappyColon
Reply to w30bob

Could've at least reminded me my DL was going to expire, ha.

You sure do love the current administration and don't sugarcoat those thoughts of yours at all, huh?

And the challenge was to survive a day, even a few hours, around my daughter. Not sure if the kid sitter would be for her or you though. My son is really easy in comparison...mostly. Super polite for other people. Thinking he probably has ADHD like his mama though.

w30bob
Reply to CrappyColon

The top of the van door is higher than the top of your head? What are you....like 3' tall??? Oh my. Do you sit on a phone book when you drive? Can you even get a phone book anymore?? Maybe lots of pillows. No wonder you have so many accidents.......you can't see over the dashboard!! Ya know........I've seen cars going down the road with what looked like no one driving.......now I know why!!

Can you have someone take a video of you trying to park? I'm sure it would go viral instantly.......you could be a YouTube rock star!! Hey......I'm just funnin' with ya......you know that. Thanks for being a good sport.

Yeah, I know you can't be THAT good of a sport.........so go ahead and fire back.......I just put my kevlar on. Have at it!

;O)

eefyjig
Reply to CrappyColon

No, my UC came on suddenly when my kids were 18 and 15, and I consider myself very lucky. I remember being in the hospital for the first time for a week, no food, getting the diagnosis, and telling them I had to go home to get my oldest ready for college. I assumed that I'd take some meds, change my diet, and be good because I'm typically a good healer. My UC had other ideas. My roommate during my first surgery had an infant at home, and my heart broke for her. I hated not being there for my kids, but they could function on their own.

eefyjig
Reply to w30bob

!

CrappyColon
Reply to w30bob

I was too tired to deal with you last night.
Do you want me to go measure my van and figure out how high it is?
In the picture, I think you're referencing, the ground is a little higher than the van and espadrilles add a couple " of height. I've never had the desire to be taller than my vehicle. Maybe that's a guy thing that makes y'all feel better about yourselves?

My shoulder is bruised from a truck mirror. I wasn't driving. I wasn't inside a vehicle. I wasn't even really moving, till the movement that caused the bruise.

You should see how I wash the top of the van. Thankfully my son is taller than me now and is still at an age he likes to be helpful.

Haven't had a phone book come in probably a year or so? I recycled them or used as fire starters. Can you imagine how uncomfortable it would be to sit on one for hours? Power seats are a must. I will never purposely own something lower than an SUV.
Between knee surgery (the reason I needed knee surgery was stupid) and the 2 ft blood clot that followed I was told to use some sort of pillow when driving long distances but then I couldn't use the seat warmer. The monster clot killed the valves in the vein(s) from mid calf to ileac crest. So I just move around a lot and have to stop every 2 hrs to walk.

I'm sure my son would film that for you, but he'd also be telling me what to do and I love being told what to do Luckily, you don't have his number.
Ironically, my parallel parking game is strong- my kids are convinced I only do it well b/c coffee shops I like of course only had/have parallel parking options. Angled parking spots are ok. It's the straight most common ones I suck at. The more simple something is the more I can screw it up. Analyze that if you wish.

Ooooh!!!! You want to hear the idea my sil and I have for this summer? You said YouTube which is what made me think of it. We are tired of DIY videos of people that actually know what they are doing. So we are going to make DIY videos of us doing projects and have the kids film us. Here's a few we have so far: staining her fence, staining and painting my deck, refinishing a dining room table when I find one I like because I can't find one that looks like the idea I have in my head, paint my kitchen cabinets (I'm a year behind on projects). Need to replace a cabinet door b/c my daughter managed to break it one day.

Have a lovely Saturday

bowsprit
Reply to CrappyColon

Nice reply. Snide remarks and insinuation to a young lady facing serious medical challenges isn't 'funnin'. A good feature in this forum is that everybody is mostly nice to each other. Good luck with all those painting and repair projects you have in hand. Best wishes.

CrappyColon
Reply to bowsprit

Oh, really, no worries, Bob and I have a very sarcastic friendship. He's got a good heart.

But thank you for sticking up for me nonetheless.

bowsprit
Reply to CrappyColon

Ok. He just doesn't have a good heart, he is a large source of information for many.

CrappyColon

Lori, meant to route this to you as well. I think she loves me sometimes? Maybe?; My husband got this one and thought it summed up her and my relationship well at this point in time;

CrappyColon
Reply to eefyjig

Heaven forbid, I say hey let's get a picture (at her brother's band concert). At least she sat by me

w30bob
Reply to CrappyColon

Yeah, forgot about the power seats. When I vacuum out my car, I move the seat all the way forward and up and always wonder how anyone could be that short to need the seat that close to the steering wheel. Now I know. Must be interesting driving with the shift lever behind you. Will send one of those huge panoramic rearview mirrors your way for Xmas!! (Wink-Wink)

;O)

CrappyColon
Reply to w30bob

I don't need to move the seats all the way up. I still don't know how I managed to drive until the day before my daughter was born. I don't think I did more than 5-10 min drives as the driver. They tried the moveable pedals for a brief time but there was a safety issue- I know petite people in my world miss those. The telescoping steering columns didn't help much for petite people because it didn't solve the pedal problem. You could put your brain to good use and come up with something to help those of us who fall under 'average height' when it comes to driving. I think your good deeds would be covered for a while.

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