Reply to infinitycastle52777
Hello Lee (again).
Thanks for sharing a bit more about the way you feel about your experiences as it raises a few issues that were not mentioned before. (but probably need addressing).
The first concept is that of loss and betrayal. Loss of any sort can be traumatic, but loss of a ‘friend’ via a process of betrayal, can be even more traumatic than loss without this added dimension.
You also mention abuse and flashbacks, which are classic symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This is a condition that is treatable without recourse to medication.
Your description of ‘conveniently forgetting’ would probably fall into the classification of ‘repression’, which is noted for causing serious psychological problems in the longer term.
Your account indicates several different aspects involving ‘abuse’ of one sort or another, which probably have not been dealt with and resolved. What then often happens, is that people become ‘sensitised’ to abuse, so those past abuses that are unresolved, get ‘added’ to any other future abuses and exaggerates their negative affects.
At the time you broke away from her, it gave you time to reflect on your previous relationship and enabled you to avoid getting back into that sort of relationship when she came back on your scene, (you were probably better off having found out about her)
Sometimes, when these sorts of pressures become overwhelming, one useful technique is not to ‘repress/forget’ what has happened, but to analyse it all in such a way that you come up with a different perspective (possibly more positive).
I usually achieve this via rhyming verse, where I lay out all the negatives I can think of until they are exhausted. Then (usually in the last verse or two) I turn it all on its head and look for the positives. This does not make the negatives go away (nothing does as it’s part of history) but it helps to move on from history and look forward to a more positive future.
I could give you several examples from my own history to exemplify this concept, but it might be more helpful to take what you have told us and try to look for the potential positives.
There are several sayings and clichés that encapsulate this ‘distraction’ technique
but two will suffice to point in the right direction.
“What doesn’t kill you can make you stronger!” (but this only usually works if you don’t get bogged down with PTSD, which tends to make things worse).
Being a writer, I like the saying ”Copying is the most sincere form of flattery”.
Your friend/abuser has obviously perceived your history as one that she would have liked for herself, and seen it as worth stealing! (she probably would not have felt that way if she had actually lived it for herself). The fact that you had documented it, or even shared it with her in other ways is of little consequence, other than indicating that it was of ‘value’ to her.
Those people responding to her blog are, in effect, corresponding with ‘YOU’ , as it is your life and identity that she has stolen.
This is a powerful indication that your story is worth documenting and publishing.
There would be an irony in this approach in that her behaviour would then become part of your own biography and you can express your feelings about this without ever confronting her directly.
However, she is only taking up a fraction of your lifetime in this thieving incident, the most important and interesting story is the one that she has taken and used for herself.
I have just noticed your latest question/post of "why does someone do that?" Well! one answer is that she may be much more 'needy' than you are if she needs to adopt someone else's abusive past in order to attract empathy and sympathy. I would draw your attention to a similar condition: 'Factitious', in this case is simply distorting the facts to gain attention and/or sympathy.
Munchausen's syndrome is a serious mental disorder where a person deceives others by appearing to be sick, getting sick on purpose, or causing self-harm. It is also called 'factitious disorder imposed on self'.
People with Munchausen's syndrome know they are causing their symptoms. But they may not understand why they behave this way or see their behaviour as a problem.
Their main intention may be to assume the 'sick role' so that people care for them and they are the centre of attention.
They are not looking for other practical benefits, such as claiming incapacity benefit.
I hope this is of some use to you in seeking a new perspective.
Best wishes
Bill