PTSD Symptoms After Traumatic Hospital Experience - Seeking Advice

Does this sound like post-traumatic stress disorder? In 2000, I was diagnosed with UC (even though the consultant told my GP it was all in my head). Five years later, when I was 35, I got seriously ill. I was admitted to the hospital twice in two weeks. They did tests and x-rays, then sent me home. But I got much worse. I couldn't even keep water down at this stage and was in agonizing pain all the time.

I had a doctor come to see me late at night alone. He was so cruel to me and threatened me because I had been to see him a few times in the past. He never believed me. He said that I was taking up valuable bed space for people who were really sick and that I should go home to the kitchen where I belong. He then came right up in my face, almost touching noses, and said if I persist in the lies, he would personally take me down to the operating theater himself and remove all my bowel so I would be stuck with a bag for life, like a pathetic, smelly old woman. Is that what you want? Is it? he shouted. Then he left before saying, "I don't want to see you again."

I was taken down for a colonoscopy the next day, where they found that my bowel was almost falling apart. I was too ill to operate on and had to have blood transfusions. Finally, I went down for the operation and woke up still in agony. They couldn't control my pain. I went down four more times as things kept going wrong. They had to resite the stoma as the other one went necrotic. I spent eight months in the same ward. I was treated like a piece of meat. My family was also treated horribly, not by all the nurses, but by a lot of them. I saw horrors you wouldn't believe. The neglect was horrible. I was left without water all day in a chair because I had lost all muscle in my legs, so I couldn't walk for months. I couldn't get up, so I collapsed and woke up with my family around me crying. This was my son's 8th birthday, and he and my husband were at wrestling. They phoned him and told him over the phone that I had had a stroke.

The pain carried on. My doctor phoned McMillan Care for help with pain relief. I was put on ketamine, but it still didn't work. I was in high dependency for a while. Then I was back on the ward, and the next few months were just as bad. I was shaken by a male nurse, left to sit in my own urine, dropped, and nurses would laugh when a male patient kept trying to get into bed with me. They would withhold morphine, and I had to tell them over and over not to let me go too long without pain relief, but they were always too busy to listen. I was taken for an X-ray in a wheelchair and left in the hallway opposite a waiting room in the middle of the day with blood pouring from my back end and being sick. They had a lot of complaints from people in the waiting room. I was black and blue twice a day from having blood taken. They had collapsed my veins, so they started on my feet and groin. I had tubes in both jugulars and was also tube-fed. I lost 5 stone in this time. There is probably lots more, but I have tried to push it to the back of my mind. It was the worst year of my life. It's been 6 years now, and I have flashbacks all the time, mostly at night when I close my eyes. It's a scary place.

I'm just plodding through life. I think I have depression. I feel numb and tired and have a "can't be bothered" attitude, which is not like me at all. I have been married for 24 years, and lately, I have not been a nice wife. I'm very snappy. I feel unloved, but is that just me? I have 4 children, and I'm snappy with them too. And a beautiful granddaughter. I haven't spoken to anybody about this because, for one, I don't think they would believe me, and I would be a blubbering mess and wouldn't be able to get it out. I was just looking up depression and came across PTSD, which ticks a lot of my symptoms, especially the flashbacks. They say to go to the doctors, but where the hell would I start? Does anybody have similar thoughts? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

My God Diglet, I take it that you have complained to the CEO of the hospital. I'm normally against suing doctors, but in your case if that wasn't negligence I don't know what is!!!!! You certainly sound as if you have a bad case of depression. I'm afraid I don't know that much about PTSD, only what I know locally from the soldiers coming back, BUT it certainly sounds like it. Have you got an understanding GP, only you should be talking to somebody, and perhaps they will arrange counseling or something to help. Give it a go, get your husband to go with you if necessary. My aunt had a colostomy for cancer 2 years ago and it left her with severe depression, and she was given psychiatric help, so please try. I hope that you get somewhere and start to feel better soon. Jenny

Hi Diglet ~ while working with the Vancouver Police Department Victim Services Unit, I witnessed the diverse ways people who experienced critical incidents dealt with their memories of those incidents and the feelings those memories evoked. Each of my shift partners on the Unit had a different way of approaching the situations we encountered, just as each person who responds to your topic will have a different perspective on your past and present experiences. And now, there's a question I want to ask you about those experiences, but I need to wait a few days before sending it to your inbox.

Hello Diglet,

Thank you for your most interesting post.  Over the years I have seen all of what you say and more, happen to others (although not usually all at the same time with the same person).   My immediate response is to document it all with the people (victims) concerned and send it to the Chief Executive of the relevant hospital trust. (sometimes duplicating it to the press as well!)

The process of documenting it can be, in itself, a healing process.

Whilst I agree with you that the symptoms you describe are akin to PTSD.   However,  I do not think you necessarily 'need' a label to recognise that there has been these series of abusive traumatic events, that can lead to some very serious cognitive and emotional repercussions.

Your condition is just a 'normal' reaction to a set of traumatic events. Different people will react differently, dependent on a whole range of factors within their lives and past experiences.  

Please be aware  and beware of the medical profession, as they are inclined to treat anything and everything with drugs of one sort or another.  These might have an impact in the short-term but they can have devastating side effects and sometimes fatal consequences.  

Your condition has been brought about by social, emotional and psychological abuse.   The best person to address the problems is always the person who has suffered.     However, where help is needed, it should be sought from people that treat social, emotional and psychological conditions - These would be PSYCHOLOGISTS ( or counsellors).     NOT psychiatrists, who tend to view and treat things (even mental disorders) as if they belong in the physical domain.

I see you are from the UK.   I think you will find that the waiting lists to see psychologists on the NHS are ridiculously long in most places so you might consider trying to get help through the many counselling services available.

I run regular 'freebie' sessions with the organisation 'MIND' and I know that MIND  are nationwide. However, there are many other organisations that offer free counselling sessions.    The sooner you have the opportunity to share your experiences and reactions with people who can constructively listen and help, the sooner you will  be able to manage the problems associated with it.     'The sooner the better' as the saying goes.  

It grieves me to hear that these sorts of things happen in the NHS or any other supposedly 'caring' organisation.   The people who act in this way often do so out of their own problems, personality issues and habits.    We should all be protesting as loud and often as we can, otherwise the abuse gets repeated over and over with new and different victims.

There is a protocol for dealing with 'adult-abuse' as well as the normal complaints procedures.  I would encourage you to forward your documentation to them as well.  They can be contacted via Social Services (or the police).  

I sincerely hope you will get the help that you need and deserve.

Best wishes   Bill.

From what you have written, I don't know whether it is PTSD or depression, but I would very strongly recommend you see a counselor. They will do an initial assessment and then advise you from there what route to take. Make the appointment sooner rather than later.
Take care, cheers Iain

Hi Diglet,

What a nightmare you have had to endure. I was in hospital for 6 months in the UK years ago but never encountered things or cruelty like you did. I was lucky to have good people looking after me. Anyway, I too think you should document all you have written and the rest you haven't talked about. There's no wonder you're feeling the way you do. Writing it all down can heal some of your mind. I've done this through poetry and it does help my mind and feelings to come to terms with flashbacks and traumas. You certainly need to start with your GP, one who is ready to listen and help guide you to the right treatment for your depression. You need to talk to someone and unburden what you have kept for years in order to progress with your life. Once this has been achieved, then you can go forward and heal your mind and body. I really hope you find peace and happiness. This site is a wonderful place to be, with great people of understanding, sympathy, and compassion. Tc ambies..

Some doctors become incredibly arrogant because they have power over life and death. These bastards need to be exposed and condemned for their emotional abuse of patients. Their malfeasance will come to light sooner than later because their behaviors will be caught on camera thanks to the technology most of us have at our disposal. In the meantime, check out Episode 33, Season 3 of The Sopranos where Tony gives one of these bums a lesson in compassion on the golf course which he'll never forget.

Hello again Diglet,

I was trying to find a poem that was spawed by the sort of things that you have experienced. I am hoping that  'Relevant to Recovery' might fit the bill.

I've put it in a blog as that's the only forum that allows for a reasonable poetic layout.

Best wishes

Bill

Anyone that gets in my face and speaks to me like that better be prepared for either a good smack or a punch. Most definitely complaining to the head of the hospital both by phone and in a registered letter and demand a written apology. There is no need for a doctor who, I might add, has taken a sworn oath to care for their patients no matter what illness they may present with, with respect and in a courteous manner. Remember, he is working for you. He is there to solve your problems, not create more and add more stress to them.
I think a very strongly worded letter is in order here, not just to him but a cc to the head of the hospital as well as the head of the College of Physicians and perhaps the newspaper. Name names and hospitals, don't hold back.
Being treated like that is totally uncalled for! I wish for one day these doctors could feel the pain and what we go through on a daily basis, maybe then they would have a bit more compassion.
So sorry you had to go through that crap, his license should be suspended or go back to treating cuts and bruises.

Sharry

Hi there, I am just about to post about medical negligence I experienced this year.
I really feel for you and I have been diagnosed with PTSD from what I went through, and I already had PTSD from childhood trauma so I have a double dose.

I have just got a solicitor and am at the start of suing the NHS. Your case certainly sounds negligent, and it would be worth getting some psychological support for what you went through, but to sue, it has to be within 3 years, unfortunately.
Take care, bluebellx.. PS Did you see Dispatches last week on "Can You Trust Your GP?" The NHS is in ruins.

Hi Diglet - the main points are you were abused by people in positions of power, and whom you should have been able to trust. Those points and the fact that you are still (after ten years) still feeling as much distress now as then says to me that yes, you are suffering from PTSD, and that yes, you should seek out psychotherapy to relieve this distress.

Not knowing whether the statutes of limitations have run out on your traumatic hospitalizations with the NHS, I can't say much about the legal aspects. If you resided here in California, you would be basically ****ed due to our crappy legislation re: medical malpractice.

Don't let another day or week go by feeling as bad as you do. You have a lot to enjoy in your life - and NO reason to continue in such a terrible psychological space. Pinky

Hey Diglet, I think even writing this down must have been very hard for you, honey. I think you have had such a disgusting and disturbing time through neglect. I can't even imagine how bad you must feel, darlz. I hear they want to cut that NHS service even more. You and Blubell's stories really need to be heard. Is there anything or a way you could come together and maybe help each other too? You have a family and they need you too. I understand that snappy feeling and it feels shit. I knew someone with Crohn's disease here in OZ who was told it was all in her head. How horrible. I was fortunate, if that's what you can call it, but reading both yours and Blubell's stories, I feel bloody blessed.... We are listening, darlin. Please, you need help. If you can get it, please do. And you need your family too. They need their mum. Hugs, Mare-Mooza xxxxxxxxxxxx. I think if I read any more of these stories, I would wanna do a Tony Soprano primo. xx Chat you later, mate. xx

I have PTSD from severe childhood abuse. What you describe sounds a lot like what I go through. If I were you, I wouldn't necessarily seek a doctor so much as a therapist to help you work through some of your experiences. You could ask around or look online for therapists in your local area and contact them to discuss your case and see who thinks they might be able to work with you. If you think you might need an antidepressant, you can ask your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist. If you end up seeing a psychiatrist, they might know of a therapist you could talk with. I think you do need to talk. Talk some of this out. Have someone validate your experiences and feelings. Be sure to tell them your symptoms as well as your history. Posting here is a good start. How did it feel to get all that out?

Lee