Please don't think you should be alone or will be alone. Be confident and proud of what you are coping with and make the date. ) Take care )
First point ( on chemo ): ha ha! you mean chemo caused this tendency to be kinda ditzy that i've noticed in myself? I have a new rule: no talking to me while i'm driving if the conversation is fun; i've noticed my driving under those circumstances now is really quite inappropriate, to use the softest possible word.
Second point: ( on people & how they respond ) Some people are cruel and trying to be the ultimate person, its a conditional and reactionary emotional life that they live. If you try to date one of them you are bound to get your feelings at least disappointed if not hurt. Friendship is even of questionable value with this type and really having an ostomy is of value here cause...well... gone is the danger of ever being this person for long cause, well there's always that possibility of gas surprising us, lol. There's the silver lining or at least the best I've come up with so far....
On the other hand, some people are more practical than caring and just don't want to be bothered with anything that is not easy, convenient, looks good or might be hard to handle on the social fronts and aren't we all that person at heart but we make the best of what we've got or we don't.
And that's the difference basically: are we as a person the "what's got" that someone has decided they are very happy to make the best of? Won't know till you tell them what's up, meanwhile it feels kinda weird till you've told them I'd suspect about that. I haven't crossed that bridge myself so that's a guess, but I imagine it doesn't feel good cause every smile and nice moment shared before "the secret is out" is now a treasure that might be "lost" once they "know the truth" about us. Ouch. I don't see a remedy for this, just an awareness of its potential and a monitoring of how much we are hoping for from this person before we really know where they stand with us. That awareness is not so that we can shut that hope down until we have their reaction but so that we can be kind to ourselves knowing how much we just got disappointed if it doesn't work. To me that is true emotional wisdom as well as strength: to believe in living what i want while successfully handling the times of living with anything less. And successfully handling a life experience for me is finding a way to be happy while within it, or at least content. Not bitterly resigned but genuinely content; having faith in eventually being blessed by what I want in this life or "the next" helps me with that.
Point three (on our own superficial sides) Nick, I share your disappointment superficially.... wait, no I don't cause we aren't like that. So, I'm NOT disappointed that I'm no longer a big ticket item on the selling block: whole on stomach, even lady parts chemo affected, hair just fell out...yep, not gonna get any sugar daddies and won't make much as a stripper either come to think of it. But, I have a hard time holding that emotion cause heck, I never intended to sell myself to the highest bidder, I don't have a partner so my lady parts at this moment don't matter (and sometimes joy comes down to staying in the moment and never mind later!) and I was already married and the experience shocked me, scared me a bit and took me awhile to get out of cause we've three kids so...well, the way I see it..I've got all these issues that any man would have to make the best of were he wanting to make my face the one he sees when he wakes up every morn and if he deals with them then he must really dig me and if he doesn't deal with them then he didn't really dig me and what do I want with a guy that doesn't really dig me anyway hanging around, that's worse than being alone in my world!
Point four (on coping when my life feels cold and barren of kindness and communion) I have faith in a creator and when I feel alone I talk to that creator...I try to talk with confidence and trust but if push comes to shove I'll get mad and blame and fuss. I either feel relief and reassurance or I emotionally exhaust myself and then get distracted by something else; either way I feel better and got through it without doing anything I might later wish I hadn't done. I've found too that my creator, unlike people, doesn't get mad or hurt when I tell "him" off but hangs in there with me unaffected till I get ahold of myself.